ELIZABETH, N.J. (AP) – The judge overseeing the contentious divorce between the nation’s first openly gay governor and his wife urged the couple to settle their case Tuesday, warning the estranged pair that they don’t have the money or emotional fortitude to endure a protracted, public trial.

Superior Court Judge Karen M. Cassidy delivered a 15-minute lecture to former Gov. James E. McGreevey and his wife, Dina Matos McGreevey, after nearly four hours of closed-door meetings at the Union County Courthouse.

“You folks do not have the money it’s going to take to try this case,” Cassidy said. “You don’t have it financially, and certainly you don’t have the emotional level it’s going to take to try this case for many, many months.”

Cassidy set a series of dates for future hearings, and she set a May 6, 2008, trial date in case the parties fail to mediate their differences.

Afterward, Matos McGreevey and her lawyer hurriedly left the courtroom while McGreevey and his lawyer held a brief news conference downstairs.

Asked to comment on the emotional impact of the divorce, McGreevey said: “Divorce for any family is always a difficult process.

“I’m just grateful today for the judge’s words and that we begin to move the process forward. At some point in our lives this will all be behind us and we’ll continue to move forward,” he said.

Neither he nor his lawyer, Matthew Piermatti III, would predict whether there would be a settlement. The vast majority of divorce cases are settled before trial, said Union County court clerk Sandy Thaler-Gerber.

The judge said there were many unsettled issues in McGreevey vs. McGreevey, such as alimony, child support, the value of celebrity and McGreevey’s underemployment. The former governor, who has a law degree, this spring announced plans to study for the Episcopal priesthood.

While insisting she was not trying to pressure the McGreeveys into settling, the judge did warn of the high financial cost of retaining lawyers and experts who charge by the hour, and of deposing witnesses, which could cost $7,500 per witness, Cassidy said.

Noting that each side said it could call 20 or more witnesses, Cassidy said: “That’s something you have to factor in if you take this case all the way through, the impact it will have on people you love, you care for, your friends who may not necessarily be part of this whole process.”

“It’s obviously a tremendous emotional cost to you,” Cassidy said. “We’re not even getting to your daughter now, we’re just talking about you.”

The McGreeveys last squared off in court in late April, when the judge urged the pair to use “common sense” in raising their daughter and cautioned against turning the case into a further public spectacle.

Parenting concerns dominated that hearing, with Cassidy warning the McGreeveys not to introduce their 5-year-old to non-age-appropriate activities, but said she did not want to micromanage the child’s life.

She did, however, rule that Jacqueline McGreevey would not be permitted to sleep in the same bed with any adult except her mother or father. That decision came in response to a claim by Dina McGreevey that the child was permitted to climb into bed with her father and his male partner during overnight visits to their Plainfield home.

McGreevey stunned the nation when he announced in August 2004 that he was “a gay American.” He said then that he was resigning as governor because of a blackmail threat by a former lover, an aide whom McGreevey had put on the state payroll. The man, Golan Cipel, has denied being gay and said McGreevey sexually harassed him.

The McGreeveys officially split up when they moved out of the governor’s mansion in November 2004.

Both have since written books about their lives together and appeared separately on “The Oprah Winfrey Show.”

McGreevey filed for divorce in February.