NEPTUNE, N.J. (AP) – For decades, a Methodist church group has held wide influence over daily life in the seaside enclave of Ocean Grove, deciding when you could drive your car or go to the beach, banning the sale of alcohol, and even deciding who could buy a home here.

But a dispute between the Ocean Grove Camp Meeting Association and gay groups over the association’s refusal to allow same-sex couples to use a boardwalk pavilion to hold civil union ceremonies may loosen that hold.

The ban on same-sex ceremonies led the state to strip the association of its tax exemption for the pavilion because it is not being made available equally to all. And although the ruling is more symbolic (the change would result in a tax bill of about $175 a year), gays who have led a revival of the once-struggling neighborhood say the time has come to stand up for themselves, even if it means ruffling the church’s feathers.

Last weekend, one of two couples who sought help from the state civil rights division to have their ceremony at the pavilion were joined in civil union on the fishing pier, a few hundred feet away. Together for nearly 38 years, Janice Moore, 70, and Emily Sonnessa, 77, escaped from the controversy for a half-hour.

“When we got out of our car with our witnesses and started walking up the fishing pier, strangers were lined along the sides, clapping and throwing kisses and wishing us luck,” said Moore. “The love was so overwhelming that whatever the problem with the pavilion was, it didn’t exist for that moment. What does exist is that we live in New Jersey, we’re given rights, and everybody has the right to exercise their rights.”

The pavilion is at the heart of a dispute between gay groups, who want the right to hold civil unions there, and the church group, which says the state is trying to force it to violate deeply held religious beliefs.

Same-sex civil unions are prohibited in church structures under the Methodist Church Book of Discipline. The church considers the pavilion to be such a structure, but many in Ocean Grove’s gay community say the pavilion is public space, noting that kids regularly skateboard through it.

“They have graciously made the beach and boardwalk available for those who want to use it, but they reserve the right to draw the line at uses which are pointedly at odds with their beliefs,” said Brian Raum, an attorney with the Alliance Defense Fund, which is suing New Jersey on behalf of the association.

“The First Amendment protects religious groups from having to do things like that.”

The public-private question is a murky one. Ocean Grove, which is part of Neptune Township, accepted federal money to replenish its beach, and until this week had enjoyed a property tax exemption under a state program that rewards private land owners who open their property for public recreation.

Because the association still owns all the land in Ocean Grove, it wields enormous influence. Homeowners buy houses, but must lease the land underneath them from the association for 99 years.

The beach in Ocean Grove is not open until 12:30 p.m. when church services have ended. There are no liquor stores or restaurants that serve alcohol. And up until 1981, it was illegal to even drive a car on Ocean Grove’s streets on Sundays.

Rob Neiffer, a real estate portfolio manager, and his partner, Ron Rudolph, were drawn to Ocean Grove five years ago due to its reputation as a gay-friendly community, where between 25 to 35 percent of the 4,300 residents are gay.

When they heard about the same-sex couples who were denied permission to use the pavilion, Neiffer and Rudolph decided to get involved, buying more than 100 flags with either a rainbow or an “equal” symbol on them, and distributing to anyone who wanted one. The banners now flutter from virtually every street in Ocean Grove.

“This wonderful spirit that thrives within Ocean Grove is why we live here and why we’re staying, despite the righteous rhetoric from the bigoted hate-mongers,” he said.

Not everyone feels the same, however.

“They want to use the church pavilion to get married, and I don’t agree with that,” said Fred D’Onofrio, who was sitting on a bench next to the pavilion and its peeling green and white paint last week. “I think it’s sick.”

Jeff Sayre, who was reading a book on the beach last week, said he supports the church’s right to decide how to use its property.

“It’s as if I was told by an outside party that I had to open up my home and let people do things that I don’t approve of, and that I have no say about it,” he said.

The situation depresses Michael McBrearty, a young gay man who misses the spirit that he said used to prevail here before the civil unions dispute arose.

“You don’t see the friendliness and acceptance you used to see prior to this issue,” he said. “Everyone would smile and say hello to each other, no matter who you were. Now, there’s more tension.”