“It was probably bad for my career. I ended up in an unfortunate crosshair position where I was in a relationship and [the media] mostly lied and inflated a bunch of salacious stuff for the sake of selling magazines. And I paid a certain price for that.” – Ben Affleck

First up is Pamela Anderson’s romantic liaison with Rick Solomon. Here’s what I don’t understand – what is Solomon’s attraction? He married Shannon Doherty. At the same time, he was fucking Paris Hilton. Now he’s with Pam. Admittedly, he’s got a really big cock, but I thought only gay men cared about stuff like that. I thought women look for more substance. OK, maybe not Pamela – Kid Rock and Tommy Lee weren’t exactly Rhodes Scholars. Anyway, Pam and Rick applied for a marriage license in Las Vegas. Why Vegas? Because Pamela is performing at Planet Hollywood as an assistant to magician Hans Klok. I don’t make this stuff up – can’t you picture doves flying out of her coochie? Anderson has copped to the engagement part, but nothing more. With these two crazy kids, it’s only a matter of time before we see every inch of their “courtship.”

People have been claiming that Elizabeth Taylor will soon tie the knot with Jason Winters, the handsome 47-year-old black man she brought to a recent event. Well, don’t believe the rumors – Jason is gay. At least that’s what his friend Martin Delaney has implied: “I don’t know how a marriage between them could take place. That’s not the kind of relationship they’ve got. Elizabeth is friends with Jason and his long-term friend Erik Sterling.” “Long-term friend?” Is this 1953?

I just saw a musical set in 1953. The Catered Affair was a movie starring Bette Davis, Ernest Borgnine and Debbie Reynolds. You don’t remember it? Neither do I. But Harvey Fierstein felt it could make a helluva musical, and enlisted the aid of talented composer John Bucchino (whom Betty Bacall once tried to fix me up with, but that’s another story). The resulting musical, now called A Catered Affair, had its world premiere at the Old Globe Theatre in San Diego and is on the fast track to Broadway. With a cast including the divine Faith Prince, Tom Wopat, and Fierstein, it’s attained quite a bit of attention. It certainly makes for a very entertaining play – but not a musical. Bucchino, bless his soul, is seemingly uninspired by this material, and one leaves the theater with a strong impression by the performers, but not the score.

The real reason I drove two hours each way was because a fan told me that the gorgeous (and talented) Matt Cavanaugh makes his entrance frolicking naked in a bed. That’s certainly worth $62.50. From my vantage point, I could spy his flesh-colored undies prior to getting dressed, but that didn’t take away from the view of his magnificent torso.

BTW, I was seated within spitting distance of the legendary Julie Andrews. I couldn’t help but think of the irony – the queen of musical theater claims that a botched surgery destroyed her “instrument” and is sitting in the audience while Harvey Fierstein, who on his best day is still worse than Julie, is onstage singing eight shows a week!

Onto our favorite alleged pedophile, Lou Pearlman – the man literally behind ‘Nsync, The Backstreet Boys, O-Town, and numerous other pop groups filled with pre- and post-pubescent boys. Big Lou’s currently in the big house (where he’s reportedly quite popular) and Vanity Fair has run an exposé about his music empire, starting with a telling anecdote: one singer asked Lou’s assistant, “Have you let Lou blow you yet?”

When Pearlman started schlepping the Backstreet Boys around the U.S. and Europe, family members wondered about Lou’s sexual proclivities. A.J. McLean’s mom said, “As a mother, you kind of put two and two together. Yet there was always that fine line where you sat back and went, ‘OK, is this a guy who always wanted to be a father or an uncle? Is this all innocent? Or is it more?’ I kind of thought that there might have been some strange things going on.” Mrs. McLean’s worst fears were realized when Nick Carter turned 17: “My son did say something about the fact that Nick had been uncomfortable staying at Lou’s house. For a while Nick loved going over to Lou’s. All of a sudden it appeared there was a flip. Then we heard from the Carter camp that there was some kind of inappropriate behavior. It was just odd. I can just say there were odd events that took place.”

For her part, Mrs. Carter says, “Certain things happened and it almost destroyed our family. I tried to warn everyone. I tried to warn all the mothers. I tried to expose [Pearlman] for what he was years ago.” Her words don’t jibe with her actions. What did she do when her 17-year-old son complained of “inappropriate behavior?” Jane sent Nick’s 10-year-old brother Aaron over and asked Lou to make him a star. Good mom. She and Dina Lohan should start a club! Run out and buy this issue of Vanity Fair – the story is SO juicy.

Speaking of pop moms, Paula Abdul has expressed her desire to get pregnant. “That’s the next step in my life. Definitely within the next two years. I thought by now I’d have three grown children.” I never could figure out what she was doing on “American Idol.” Now I get it – she was interviewing potential sperm donors. Have we learned nothing from allowing Britney to have kids?

Time for another installment of “Fayewatch.” Tidbits about La Dunaway have been far and few between – primarily because the legendary lady hasn’t done anything worth writing about. Faye must be feeling the stings of inactivity as well, because she’s offering Casa Dunaway as a rental. Can you imagine Faye Dunaway as your landlord? For $5,000 a month, it can all be yours. A spy in the neighborhood caught Faye and some burly illegal alien-types with a truck in front of her house. “Moving?” our little tattler asked. “To the North Pole,” was Dunaway’s quick retort. Sign her up for a sitcom. Oh, right...

Could it be that a certain oft’ bounced around beard has landed on her latest acquisition? Rumor has it that they are actually shaving each other – a position both have been in before. She with her bad skin and he with his....Well, there’s nothing wrong with him. But they’re pretty much neck-to-neck in the talent department.

When strange bedfellows end up in a blind item together, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. No room this week for an “Ask Billy” question. I hadn’t done a BI for about a month, so that won out. Plus, I’m always available to answer your questions. For questions only I can answer, write to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I rent out Faye’s house! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.