I was recently talking a friend who was complaining about this time of year. She doesn’t like fall, she said, because it is a time of bad memories of starting school, the leaves turning brown, and the holidays aren’t far away.

I understood what my friend was telling me. It is not unusual to feel melancholy at this time of year, or to have occasional thoughts that the year is not far from over. Fall can represent the end of life, (fun, vacations, adventure) and the beginning of death (cold, less activity, loss). As a result, many people become introspective at this time of year. Introspective thoughts turn to missed opportunities, words you wish you hadn’t said, and words you didn’t say that you wish you had.

I was thinking on my morning walk, however, that since fall for many of us is a time of introspection, it is also an opportunity. The opportunity that fall brings is the time to reflect on our personal accomplishments, in addition to failings, and accomplishments we have made as a community, which have been many. With summer behind us, it is a time when many GLBT individuals turn to therapy for assistance, which means opportunities for personal growth.

It’s also the chance to take specific instances of misfortune during the year and turn them into the chance to learn or to give them meaning. For example, for those of you with a recent break up, it is initially devastating, whether you are the person leaving or the person left behind. Fall then becomes the time to regroup. Perhaps this fall, as you reflect on the past, you will realize that you’re finding yourself attracting the same kind of partners, and you may have discover that your personal baggage is causing you to seek out certain kinds of people.

Recognizing that there’s a destructive pattern in your life is half the battle in changing it. Once you realize you have a pattern, you can begin the task of developing insight into why you have the relationship patterns you do. And once you outgrow your old relationship patterns, you can find yourself in a more healthy and loving relationship.

I attended a seminar where one of the participants had just that opportunity. He mentioned to the group that his lover was an alcoholic, and it has slowly been getting unbearable. He went on to say that he tried everything, including threatening to leave him, to make him stop.

Nearly every other participant suggested that he take care of himself and, if nothing else worked, then it was time to end the relationship. He protested, saying that the years of being in the relationship were an “investment” that he didn’t want to lose.

He was challenged to not look at his relationship as an investment. One participant said that we reinvent ourselves every day, and that the distressed participant is not the same person he was when the relationship started, and neither is his partner. The participant looked dazed, but the others had gotten through to him, and he was taking the first step of challenging his pre-existing notions about that the longer he was in his relationship, the higher the investment.

As another example, let’s say you had a step back in your career or your job. When a client of psychologist Carl Jung would lose a job, Jung would, much to the client’s surprise, offer his congratulations. Why would he do this? Because he saw all loss as an opportunity for growth, reflection, and new opportunities for each individual.

Fall can be an opportunity to take a proverbial step back before you take the next steps forward. After looking at fall as a time for introspection and ultimately growth, you can see it as a necessary time of reflection before renewal. You can use this time to ask yourself: Am I treating myself and others poorly, without respect and affection? Am I drinking or drugging too much? Am I too judgmental? If so, how can I treat myself and others better?

Other questions you can ask yourself at this time of year include: Am I willing to stay in an abusive relationship or with an alcoholic, drug-, or sex-addicted partner? Will I stay in a job with a company or job that I’m not happy with? Fall is the opportunity to contemplate questions plaguing you, so you can look at adjustments you need to make to have a happier, more fulfilling life. From fall’s “death” comes new life.