I always tell contestants for a leather title never to get on stage and say, “I wrote a speech, but I’m not going to use it because I want to speak from the heart.” That’s usually followed with some dramatic gesture, such as tearing up a piece of paper and throwing it into the audience. There’s a few things wrong with the “I’m not going to give the speech I wrote…” approach. First of all you only have 90 seconds and you’ve taken up 30 telling us what you’re not going to say. Second, if you wrote a speech and you’re not going to give it, then we can safely assume the first speech sucked. Finally, if you’ve decided to speak from the heart then what were you planning to do in the first place … lie, cry, or make promises you’re not going to keep?

So, I wrote a column for the GLT and I’m not going to send it in because I just heard an amusing story. Why did I go through all the explanation and not just write the column? Well, because I’m going to write the way I like to write and not submit one of the boring and informative articles that I have been writing since “In the Pit” moved from Rocket to the GLT.

This morning I received a blog link forwarded by John Weis from New York City. John Weis is like San Diego’s version of Roadkill, Adam Latham, Scotty Moats and Nicole all rolled into one. He is a well-connected, overachieving, kinky rubber/leather man who has to stamp his approval on anything kinky in N.Y.C. John is the founder of the Leather Leadership Conference, Folsom Street East, and a successful non-profit fund-raiser specializing in capital campaigns, as well as an active member of GMSMA (Gay Male SM Activists).

According to the blog John sent, the Mr. East Coast Rubber was held at the N.Y.C. Eagle a few weeks ago. Rubber is a much bigger deal in N.Y.C. than it is here on the West Coast. (Hopefully, Scotty Moats is NOT reading this, and if he is, he can beat me.) Actually, Scotty Moats can beat me anytime! Anyway, during this rubber contest at the Eagle the place is packed with men smelling like piss-covered balloons. It was the typical rubber contest, with rubber speeches, rubber formal wear, rubber fantasies, etc. After what I’m sure was a very long and drawn out contest, the winner was announced and presented with his rubber sash.

Apparently, the audience was quite vocal in expressing it’s displeasure with the announced winner. It seems the person making the announcement read it in reverse order, and the man who should have been second runner-up was named Mr. East Coast Rubber 2007, and the actual winner was named second runner up. Of course the actual winner was Mr. Everything Kinky in New York City, John Weis.

The producers of the contest tried to correct the problem and informed the announced winner that he was actually second runner-up and that John Weis was the real Mr. East Coast Rubber 2007. By this time, the announced winner was enjoying his rubber sash with his rubber friends and taking lots of rubber pictures for his fleeting 15 minutes of rubber fame. Of course, the announced winner refused to give up the coveted rubber sash or the prize package that came with it. You must understand the prize package for Mr. East Coast Rubber is valued at about $21,000. Yes, $21,000 – including an all-expense paid, six-day trip to Germany and all the rubber stuff any rubber man could possibly want. This being New York City, I’m told that by the end of the night, the now second runner-up who was originally announced as winner was talking lawsuit if the producers tried to force him to give back his rubber sash, trip to Germany or any of the rubber prize package. Obviously, I’m quite tickled by this story and can’t wait to hear how it plays out. If I know John Weis he WILL get his rubber sash, his trip to Germany and 15 more minutes of rubber fame.

Next up, Mr. Palm Springs Leather Nov. 9-11. Replies, comments or event notices are sometimes welcome at inthepitsd@aol.com. This is sigma “In The Pit.”