Slither into those skintight Wranglers, put on your biggest belt buckle and scoot your boots on over to the San Diego Gay Rodeo. It’s one of the largest gay rodeo events in the U.S. and it’s taking place this weekend at Del Mar Fairgrounds. It’s also the last rodeo before the International Gay Rodeo Association finals in Tulsa, Oklahoma, so there’s bound to be a lot of fierce competition for qualifying points.

For those tenderfoots who aren’t thoroughly acquainted with rodeo life, we’ve put together an unofficial cheat sheet describing the various events so you can pretend you know what’s going on. We’re just nice that way.

Steer Riding

This may be considered a beginner’s event, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. The rider has a “bull rope” wound around the steer just behind the front legs and then around his or her hand; no knots allowed. This handhold and the rider’s legs, locked like scissors on the steer, are all the rider has to count on to stay on top. A rider who is able to spur, or move their legs back and forth on the steer’s sides (without taking the big bounce and flying through the air), will receive a higher score.

Bull Riding

The ultimate event of the rodeo, Bull Riding is an advanced version of Steer Riding, but with a lot more size to contend with and the added danger that many bulls turn back on the rider. Guaranteed, once the gate opens, few riders ever leave this event without being slammed to the ground and scurrying for cover as a Bull Fighter moves in to save the cowboy or cowgirl.

Bareback Bronc Riding

A specially designed collection of leather and cinches are used for this event. Unlike the bull rope, this one is really tied on to the animal and has a built-in handle. Another difference is that the rider must start the ride with both of his or her feet extended forward over the horse’s shoulders and on the first leap out of the chute, “rake” backwards toward the horse’s rump. If the rider misses this, called “marking out,” it doesn’t matter how great the rest of the ride is, he or she will be disqualified. If the rider is lucky enough to make the six seconds, he or she may be plucked to safety as the two “pick-up men” move in and attempt to rescue the rider from his or her bucking mount. Contestants may elect to ride two-handed from start to finish, but will also receive a lower score.

Chute Dogging

This event is designed to give even the novice a chance to compete in rough stock events. The steer and the contestant both start in the bucking chute and face a 60-second time limit. When the chute gate opens, the contestant must bring the steer out to a 10-foot line in front of the chute, and then attempt to wrestle, or “dog” the steer to the ground. The contestant will turn the steer’s head up and toward the steer’s shoulder, hoping the steer will fall over on its other shoulder, causing all four feet to point in the same direction as the head is turned. If the steer is contrary and falls the other way, it is termed a “dog fall” and the contestant can either attempt to turn the head the same direction or let the steer up and start over. Many steers out-wrestle the dogger and slip away, or are so muscular that they just won’t fall over.

The Gay Rodeo has three roping events — one designed for beginners. The other two can be costly because success depends on a very good horse, and many roping horses sell for $10,000 and up. These events always begin with the contestant in a “roping box.” An imaginary start line runs across the front of the roping box and the chute where the calf or steer is held. Should the contestant cross this line, called the “barrier,” before the calf or steer clears the chute, a 10-second penalty is assessed and added on to the time.

Calf Roping on Foot

Most beginning ropers practice on fence posts or other stationary objects and then move to the arena with a live animal. The contestant stands in the roping box and, when the calf is released, attempts to throw the loop over the calf’s head. Once the loop passes over the calf’s head, the contestant must pull up the slack in the rope.

Mounted Break-Away Roping

The roper is mounted on horseback with one end of his or her rope tied to the saddle horn by a piece of string. When the calf is released from the chute, the roper will be in hot pursuit with lasso swirling above his or her head. When the loop is thrown, it must pass completely over the calf’s head. As the calf pulls away from the rider and horse, the rope grows taut and will break away from the saddle horn.

Team Roping

Hours of hard work go into the training for this event. This event is loaded with hazards, such as collisions and entanglements. The team consists of two ropers and two well-trained horses. One roper is called the “header” and his or her responsibility is to catch the steer by the horns while the teammate, called the “heeler,” has the responsibility of catching the steer’s back legs, or heels. When the header makes the catch, he or she must wind the rope around the saddle horn, called “dallying off,” and turn the steer away, causing the steer’s heels to fly in the air for the heeler’s loop to catch. When both ropers have been successful in their tasks, they must turn their horses to face the steer and pull their ropes taut.

Speed and agility are two highly prized qualities in these contestant’s horses. The three speed events pit the horse, under the skillful hand of its rider, against the clock. Negotiating the prescribed pattern is a test of the rider’s skill and the horse’s speed and agility. A running start is permitted in these events and the fastest time wins.

Barrel Race

Contestants vie for the fastest time in running a triangular, cloverleaf-pattern around three barrels. The horse and rider are allowed a running start and time begins and ends upon crossing a visible starting line. A five-second penalty is assessed for knocking over a barrel. The pattern can be started either from the left or right, and contestants that go off the course are disqualified.

Pole Bending

In this event, horse and rider compete for fastest time working a linear pattern through six equally spaced poles. The poles must be at least 6 feet in height and spaced 21 feet apart. A running start is allowed and a five-second penalty will be assessed for knocking a pole down, and disqualification will take place if the team goes off course.

Flag Race

A triangular pattern similar to that of the barrel race is used, with the substitution of a pole in place of barrel number three. The two other barrels will have a bucket that is three-quarters full of rabbit pellets placed on top of it, and a flag in one of these buckets. The rider may choose to run to the right or left and as they pass the first barrel, they pick up the flag, race past the pole, back to the second barrel, and attempt to place the flag in the second bucket. If the rider knocks over the first bucket or the pole, a five-second penalty will be assessed. If the rider does not pick up the flag or misses the second bucket, no time will be given. If the second bucket or barrel is knocked over, the rider is disqualified. Looks easy, but try this at 30 plus miles per hour!

Steer Decorating

This event requires a two-person team. One member stands ten feet from the chute gate holding the end of a 25-foot rope, which is looped around the steer’s horns. The other team member stands 40 feet from the chute and has a 24-inch long ribbon. When the chute gate opens, the team must bring the steer out and across the ten-foot line. One team member tries to tie the ribbon on the steer’s tail while the other team member tries to remove the rope from the steer’s horns. When the ribbon is on the tail and the loop is off the horns, the ribbon-tier must tag the timer.

Wild Drag Race

The Wild Drag Race is an audience favorite all across the IGRA rodeo circuit. Even though the competition is serious and the payoff sizable, a large number of competitors also believe this to be a very entertaining event for the audience. The drag costumes come from “Goodwill” stores, second-hand stores, and from raiding mom’s closet.

A team is made up of one male, one female, one “drag” (either male or female), and one wild steer. The steer, with a halter and a 25-foot lead rope, is in a bucking chute at the beginning of the event. The cowgirl holds the rope and the cowboy and drag stand 40 feet from the chute. When the chute gate opens, the team tries to direct (or harass) the steer toward the finish line, which is 70 feet from the chute. They must get the steer across the finish line, mount the “drag,” and then ride back across the finish line. The “drag” must be mounted on the steer before the steer starts back across the finish line and must stay on the steer until all four feet of the steer have crossed back across the finish line. Sounds easy, but the “drag” may get bucked off several times before the event is ever completed.

Goat Dressing

This two-person event was created specially for gay rodeo. The team stands 50 feet from the point where the goat is tethered. One of the team members has a pair of jockey-style underwear worn over their forearms. When the whistle sounds, the team runs to the goat. The team member without the underwear picks up the goat’s rear hooves, grabs the underwear from around the other member’s arms, and pulls it up the legs of the goat. Both team members must then race back to the start/finish line and cross the finish line to stop the time. The underwear must stay over the goat’s tailbone until both members tag the timer.

So now that you know what to expect, head up to The Del Mar Fairgrounds for this fun event. It all gets started on Saturday at 8:00 a.m. and continues on Sunday.