“Let’s not kid ourselves - this business is about being good-looking. Look, Brad Pitt is an incredible actor, but do you think he’d be a famous movie star if he didn’t look like that? Come on! A lot of my success is because of what I look like. I know that.” – Jonathan Rhys Meyers tells Details magazine exactly what he thinks of the fame game. Well, at least he’s not delusional.

When you ask me to be a presenter at a show the weekend before Halloween, I assume I should come in costume. And when you say the Fonda Theatre, I immediately think Jane Fonda. This is why I was dressed as “Barbarella” at the 2008 U.S. Mr. Gay Competition. Me and Tony Miros (of www.MrNightlifesHollywood.com) awarded “Mr. Popular” to Steve Peña, who is Mr. San Diego (and the boyfriend of porn pup Brent Everett). Needless to say, I stopped the show... I do things like that. The fabulous Alec Mapa did a bang-up job as emcee, which was no easy gig. Congrats to all of the participants, especially Mr. San Francisco, who won. You can get more information at www.MrGayCompetition.com.

That same night, Kate Hudson had a Halloween party at her Pacific Palisades abode (which, inexplicably, I was not invited to). A sea of celebs showed up, including Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag – two people who seem to turn up everywhere, and yet I’m not exactly sure who they are. They may be a couple, but Spencer always looks awfully gay to me. If you like that bleached blond, tanned, nice body kinda look, then you’ll enjoy the photo of him in his Spider-man costume and no underwear. It’s not a particularly form-fitting ensemble, but it seems snug in the crotchal area – tight enough to show us the goods and his religion (he’s cut).

Not to be outdone in the superhero or bulge department, Brody Jenner and his best friend Frankie Delgado turned up at a Hollywood club dressed as “Batman and Robin” (Brody was “Robin”). The boys went as traditional TV versions of the characters – cheap store-bought costumes, no less. Like Spencer, Brody opted to leave the undies at home which left his huge hog hanging onto his right thigh. Frank seemed to have something bunched up under his “Batman” costume, and yet still found a way to have a long cylindrical item snake down his left leg.

Mario Lopez was supposed to be the special guest at a benefit for victims of domestic violence in his native Chula Vista community. He skipped that to attend a Halloween party at the Playboy mansion, and wore a very revealing outfit. I’m not complaining – heck, if I looked like Mario, I’d NEVER wear clothes. I think he was supposed to be a Roman guard or something: he had on boots, a loin cloth, and a sword. And it’s a big sword, indeed.

Also spotted at Heff’s were Paris Hilton and Larry Birkhead. They weren’t together, although someone grabbed a photo of them chatting.

Meanwhile on Halloween itself, Lance Bass and Kathy Griffin hit Hollywood Boulevard – he as an ‘80s long-haired rocker and she as her own mug shot.

The night after Mr. Gay, I went to the Key Club, which is not a place where swingers throw their keys in a bowl. It’s one of those hip clubs on the Sunset Strip where bands play. I went because the fab Josie “Johnny Are You Queer” Cotton was performing. I worked with Josie and her band at L.A. Pride, and I became a big fan (not surprising since I’m a devotee of “The Bangles” and “The Go-Go’s”). As I arrived, who was walking out but a blond Robert Downey Jr. and Jake Gyllenhaal! When I got inside, DJ Paul V (from club Dragstrip 66 and Indie 103.1 FM) told me that Robert’s 14-year-old son Indio was the guitarist for the opening band “The Jack Bambis.” Apparently, Jake came along for the ride (I thought maybe he got Robert’s key out of the bowl).

Speaking of photos, it’s finally been determined that Elton John’s photograph “Klara and Edda Belly-Dancing,” which the police seized from an art exhibition, is NOT child pornography. Authorities now state that “there was insufficient evidence to justify proceedings for possession or distribution of an indecent photograph.” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Elton is the least likely suspect to be harboring kiddie porn featuring two girls.

With the cancellation of “Viva Laughlin” (which really was unwatchable), hunky Eric Winter has been tapped to return to “Brothers & Sisters” in the role of Rev. Jason McCallister, the gay paramour to Matthew Rhys’ character Kevin. I’m told that the day the cancellation was announced, Eric was given an offer which would bring him back in time for February sweeps.

Speaking of television returns, Jorja Fox may not be completely gone from “CSI.” Carol Mendelsohn, head honcho at “CSI,” has stated that it is a priority for her to woo the lady-loving thespian back to the hit show. When asked directly if Jorja will be back, Mendelsohn said, “Yes. You can count on it.”

What will Jorja do on her time off? Among other things, she’s producing a one-woman show about Dusty Springfield which will star her friend Kirsten Holly Smith. The Life & Music of Dusty Springfield previously workshopped at USC, and now Jorja will co-produce it at L.A.’s Gay and Lesbian Center in February.

We hear that the new Spice Girls single, “Headlines (Friendship Never Ends),” features Posh Spice on only four lines – and one of them is shared with Scary Spice. So, it might actually be listenable...

Hot on the heels of the Spice Girls reunion are two other European pop groups. Ace of Base is doing a handful of dates throughout Russia and Lithuania next month (I think they’ve got that market pretty much to themselves). And Aqua is doing a tour of Denmark to support its greatest hits CD. That’ll be one helluva short show!

This week’s “Ask Billy” question comes from Wayne in Detroit: “I’m just curious, have any gay porn stars turned up on a reality show?”

Not really. Porn pup Brad Benton once told me that he was considered for “Big Brother” until the producers found out about his porn past. Jonathan on last season’s “Unan1mous” had done some “solo” video work as “Tino.” On this year’s “I Love New York 2,” one contestant was nicknamed “Unsure” because the mom of “New York” questioned the guy’s sexual orientation. VH-1 describes Robert (his real name) as a model and bartender from South Beach, by way of Jersey. However, others tell me he’s known as “Jared” from www.FratMen.com. I did an exhaustive comparison of photos of “Unsure” and “Jared,” and they look like the same guy to me.

Lastly, for better or for worse, Danny Bonaduce showed up naked on the red carpet of the Exotic Erotic Ball in San Francisco this past weekend. Well, why wouldn’t he? Pictures illustrate that it is indeed true what they say happens to your testicles after too much steroid use.

When Danny Bonaduce is on ANY red carpet, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. The nude photo of him proves two other things – he has a hot body and he’s a natural red head. If you’ve got any questions, feel free to drop me a note at billy@billymasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I’m asked to present something at the Helen Hayes Theatre! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.