It’s May and that means one thing to leather people all over the world: International Mr. Leather. IML is always held in Chicago, which claims to have the best pizza, best hot dogs and best talk show host. Chicago also claims to have the best bars, the best bathhouses and the best backrooms. If you’re staying at the host hotel, you don’t really need the bars, baths or backrooms, but a hot dog at 4 a.m. will be a welcome change from the other loads of meat you’ll have had in your mouth. After all, a boy needs his energy to make it through the weekend, or the week, depending on how much IML he plans to take in.

It begins on Thursday, May 22 with the opening ceremonies presented by ID Lube. One can never have too much lube. Realistically, you want to get there the day or two before so you can mark your cruising territory, and get the first look at the weekend’s pieces.

Before we go any further, let me share some advice to the newbies, or those who haven’t been to IML in a while: If you have a jealous significant other, insignificant other or someone prone to outbursts of drama – leave him at home! Set your ground rules before you go and abide by them; if it’s an issue, then both of you stay at home. You don’t want the drama. We don’t want the drama. Drama is not allowed. (You know who you are!) Got it?

Friday the leather market opens in time to buy everything you forgot to pack or that was unpacked by your jealous insignificant other. If you didn’t make it to Pleasures & Treasures or The Crypt before you left, don’t worry, you’ll find what you’re looking for in the leather market. The market will be there all weekend but don’t be one of the cheap bastards who waits for the last day to get something on sale; it’ll either be gone or you’ll see someone else wearing it and you won’t want it anymore.

Saturday night is the Pecs and Personality contest where the IML contestants are judged on their appearance and stage presence. This is the hottest part of the IML contest you’ll see, unless you’re in the back dressing rooms with the contestants before they hit the stage (can we say “fluffer”?).

Sunday is the night that 60 or so leathermen have been dreaming about since they were leather boys swinging in their first leather sling. Once the International Mr. Leather contest begins, the men will be paraded across the stage and the top 20 will be announced – brutal, but only 20 continue on in the contest, and the rest get to watch as someone else takes the title. Most of the non-top 20 eventually gets over it, but some stay bitter for the rest of their lives. Again, you know who you are! This year’s entertainer is Andy Bell of Erasure. I’ve been told that one must live in a cave not to know who that is. Hm … sure is dark in here.

Following the contest world class DJ Tony Moran will spin at the House of Blues for the IML Victory Celebration. It’d be great to get more world-class DJs to San Diego, but we’d have to charge a suitable cover, y’all would bitch and complain and not show up anyway – so what’s the point?

This brings us to Monday which is the last day for the leather market, which closes at 4 p.m. Monday is also the last day to get laid, but good luck finding a hole and/or shaft that’s hot and functioning. Later that night the Black and Blue Ball with DJ Matthew Harvat at Excalibur is the last official IML function. For more information on tickets, hotels and events visit the International Mr. Leather Web site, www.imrl.com.

Of course, the only reason any of us will be attending IML is to support San Diego Mr. Leather 2007, Lee Butler, as he vies for the title. Let me remind you that it’s not about winning, although winning is a good thing; it’s about representing San Diego in the top leather competition in the world. In the next column, we’ll meet Lee and talk about some of those “unofficial” IML events.

Hope to see you all in Palm Springs this weekend for MELT. If you’re staying in town don’t forget to visit Rich’s on Friday, May 2, and Bacchus House the following Saturday. You can write me at inthepitsd@aol.com. See ya’ In the Pit!