You remember the story of Chicken Little, a not-too-bright barnyard animal who got bopped on the head with an acorn and ran around screaming, “The sky is falling! The sky is falling!” Acting very much like a chicken with her head cut off, she scurried about telling her friends Turkey Lurkey, Hennie Pennie and Ducky Lucky that the world was about to come to an end over something as ridiculous as an errant acorn. Chicken Little’s friends were smart enough to inform her that, in fact, the sky was not falling and that animals and acorns have been coexisting peacefully for centuries.

In early October, Sandy Rios, president of Concerned Women for America, gave the Associated Press her latest revelation on the idea of gay marriage. “We want to make sure that homosexual marriage is not legal in this country. This is the very underpinning of civilization. If we remove those foundations, our entire civilization will come crumbling down.”

Rios and Chicken Little share the same penchant for hyperbole and, in all likelihood, the same brain. Our entire civilization will come crumbling down if we homos are allowed to marry. I had no idea we wielded such power. Imagine, you’re walking down the aisle with your longtime partner and suddenly the earth opens its hungry jaws and swallows up all existing human life like so many cocktail weenies.

But this hasn’t happened in Canada. I mean, if Ms. Rios is correct, by now Canada should be reduced to a few icebergs and one never-ending curling match. They don’t have Marriage Protection Week up there. Canadians must have better things to think about than “protecting” the sanctity of marriage from a few gay people who genuinely love each other.

And don’t forget, we only get married because we really want to. There are no “shotgun” gay weddings. You won’t find turkey baster-wielding lesbians having their fun and then shirking their responsibilities once their girlfriends get a positive result from the home pregnancy test.

So, I’m really stumped. How in the heck are gay marriages going to undermine civilization as we know it? The only thing I can think of that would bring on certain Armageddon would be a World Series between the Red Sox and the Cubs. And hell would freeze over, too. But gay marriages? Give me a break.

Besides the obvious, like equal rights and equal protection — something every human being should be entitled to — the only things I can see gay marriage changing are the revenues for places like Crate & Barrel and Macy’s. And, of course, Home Depot and Kragen. After all, we lesbians have to have somewhere to register. Bridesmaids’ dresses would become more tasteful. DJs and bands would have to expand their repertoires to include Streisand, Cher and the Indigo Girls.

Bakeries would find a higher demand for vegan or low carb wedding cakes and caterers would learn to be creative with the limitations of the Atkins diet. A Gay Wedding Channel would be added to your cable lineup, and those enormous wedding trade shows and bridal expos would have a whole new market to attract.

As far as I can tell, legalizing gay marriages would help stimulate the economy, which, right now, would be a really good thing. But destroying civilization as we know it? Seems like someone has been watching too many old Ronald Reagan movies.

So, Ms. Rios, explain to me how the world will end if two people who love each other decide to spend ridiculous amounts of money on their nuptials and then begin a life together? Oh, I get it. It’s all about the Gay Agenda; how we’re secretly injecting our special mixture of sinful sodomite standards into the bloodstream of Traditional Values. God forbid all you Bible-thumping, church-attending Concerned Women of America should exhibit a little tolerance.

So, what ever happened to Chicken Little? She learned to stay away from acorn producing trees and took up yoga. As for Sandy Rios and the Concerned Women of America, they’d better watch out for falling rhetoric.