“Tippi, there’s a cougar who needs rehabilitation. It’s Florence Henderson!” – Bruce Vilanch points out the lecherous “Mrs. Brady” at the annual “Actors & Others for Animals” fundraiser, which honored Carol Channing. BTW, the event raised more than $100,000 for various animal causes.

Last week, I attended the Trevor Project’s “Cracked Xmas” benefit, which raised oodles of dollars for the organization’s suicide prevention hotline for GLBT youth. I’ve always claimed that this annual extravaganza is usually the best show in town. The evening opened with the cast of the national touring company of Spring Awakening, followed by the dynamic Wanda Sykes. Wanda had been battling laryngitis, but still gave her all. She told the audience that her concerns about using some colorful language were alleviated after the Spring kids performed “Totally Fucked.” After that, Sykes seemed like an episode of “Sesame Street”!

After her set, I was chatting with the effervescent Leslie Jordan, who expressed some concerns: “How on Earth do I follow the fabulous Miss Wanda?” He planned to perform a segment of his show, My Trip Down the Pink Carpet (currently playing at the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center – prior to hitting New York in the spring), and I knew he’d knock ’em dead. But just before going on stage, he scrapped that idea and decided to tell a story that’s not a part of the show. In fact, it was a story he’d never told on stage before. And he KILLED! The genius of Jordan is not his act – it’s him. Period. Just standing there, telling a story. Bravo.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Fantasia Barrino’s fabulous performance. While perhaps a bit manic and shrieky at times, she worked the crowd (and herself) into a frenzy. Another highlight was Anne Hathaway, who unexpectedly leapt on stage, saying, “I didn’t know there was going to be an auction.” She proceeded to conduct an impromptu auction of herself! Dinner with Hathaway went to a group of three guys who paid $12K!

Hathaway was on hand to honor Sigourney Weaver, who stars in the upcoming Lifetime flick, Prayers for Bobby (which looks amazing). Anyone who has seen my live show knows that I have a “history” with Miss Weaver. But I must say she was fun, gracious, and even dishy! She told me that she’s most definitely open to another Alien flick. “Why not?” she wondered aloud. “But I want to do it before ‘Ripley’ is in a walker!”

A few days later, I zipped to the Kirk Douglas Theatre to see The Little Dog Laughed, with original stars Johnny Galecki (he of the impressive appendage), and Julie White (she of the Tony Award). While it was easily one of my favorite L.A. theatrical experiences of 2008, I wasn’t alone – sitting way in the penultimate row, hiding his scruffiness under a cap, was Gale Harold. Yes, the recently hospitalized actor is up and about. We can reveal exclusively that he’ll be returning to “Desperate Housewives” after the holiday break.

Clay Aiken appears to have a new love interest. Reed Kelly is a 26-year old, six-foot-two chorus boy in Wicked and is said to be thisclose to the Gayken. We’ve unearthed some photos of the pair, and a few of a scantily clad Kelly, who appears to be quite “limber,” indeed. Check ’em out on my site – you’ll find a link at www.gaylesbiantimes.com/links/1095.

Paula Abdul sat down with Barbara Walters on her Sirius radio show and opened up about the suicide of Paula Goodspeed outside her house last month. When Goodspeed auditioned for “AI,” Abdul told the producers, “This girl is a stalker of mine. Please do not let her in.” They brought her in anyway. According to Babs, “What Paula said in effect was this was an attempt by Fox Broadcasting, the producers of ‘American Idol’, and Simon Cowell to ruin her career.” Paula further alleges that Simon Cowell constantly makes her look stupid on “American Idol” – although he had nothing to do with “Hey, Paula” on Bravo! Walters added, “Paula’s going back to work this year. She has a contract for this year. It doesn’t sound to me – this is my opinion – that she is going to stay after this year.”

By the way, we have some clues as to who’ll be competing on “Idol.” Some of the people who make it to Hollywood Week are the younger brother of dreadlocked dude Jason Castro, Miss New York 2008, the ousted star of the 1995 revival of Annie Joanna Pacitti, the nephew of Donny and Marie Osmond, the daughter of David Archuleta’s vocal coach, and, a familiar face – our very own Internet sensation, Von Smith. Stay tuned to see if they make the Top 24.

Reportedly, T.R. Knight is concerned about the future of “Grey’s Anatomy” and, allegedly, walked off the set. While his people deny this occurred, the story is circulating that he wants to break his contract in order to pursue film work … following, no doubt, in the footsteps of that burgeoning big screen Heigl career.

And now, a couple of Billy’s Gift-Giving Suggestions. First up is an item and person close to me. Gary Lucia’s comic strip “Tweaked” ran in a Boston GLBT publication for years and not only entertained with tales of gay pride, it was also the only comic strip to incorporate Massachusetts’ landmark legalization of same-sex marriage into its storyline – a storyline eerily similar to what’s happening in California right now. You can own the first 100 comic strips in Gary’s book Gary Tales (the title the comic now goes by). Head on over to www.gaylesbiantimes.com/links/1095 for a link to Gary’s site. Why the personal touch? Gary’s one of our valued proofreaders!

The inclusion of our next item would likely cause the comic in question to flip his wig – if he were still wearing it! Jason Stuart has toiled in this business longer than even moi. He’s paid his dues, done the crappy gigs, and worked hard to become one of the foremost gay comics in the US. His recent here! TV special, Making It to the Middle has been released on DVD and would make a great gift for anyone who likes to laugh … and think. Part of the time you’ll be thinking “Whose hair is that?” – Jason hadn’t yet decided to go au naturelle at the time of filming. Now he’s a proud, bald, gay man. And a damn funny one. For a link to Jason’s site, visit www.gaylesbiantimes.com/links/1095.

This week’s “Ask Billy” question comes from George in Mississippi: “I just heard about this football player who was caught naked during a locker room telecast. Do you have the video? It seems to be grabbed off the web.”

Honey, you can grab whatever you want on my site! The video is of Visanthe Shiancoe, who is a Minnesota Vikings’ tight end (he certainly is). While the team owner was chatting on camera, Vissy was in the background changing out of his undies, and exposing a humongous appendage. Oh, it’s definitely worth a peek.

When a tight end is showing off his front side, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. With the holidays upon us, I’ve left LA and am back on the east coast. And that’s not the only thing that’s shifted. Some changes are afoot on my site, so check it out. For a link, visit www.gaylesbiantimes.com/links/1095. You’ll find my contact information there, too. I promise to get back to you before Paula leaves “American Idol” for “America’s Most Wanted”! Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.