“Let me tell you something, when it comes to finishing a fight, “Rocky” and I have a lot in common. I never quit. I never give up.” – Hillary Clinton compares herself to the Sylvester Stallone film character.

Welcome to the Best of Billy Masters – 2008 edition. I like to spend the last column of each year looking back at the stories that piqued my interest and, judging from the traffic on my site, that of my loyal readers. It was a year fraught with political overtones, so it’s no surprise that my favorite quote came from our Hillary. How prophetic she was in comparing herself to Rocky Balboa – a character who, while beloved, ended up losing to the black guy (no offense). It should be noted that in the sequels, Rocky does, indeed, triumph – aided, at one point, by his former adversary. We’ll have to wait and see how far this analogy follows through.

Proposition 8 was a huge story this year, and I have to make a confession to you. Back when there were rumblings that some people wanted to overturn the California Supreme Court decision to legalize same-sex marriage, I threw my head back and laughed – as I am wont to do. I publicly stated on the stage of L.A. Pride that we had nothing to worry about. How wrong I was. Composer Marc Shaiman recently said that he wrote Prop 8: The Musical because he felt so guilty he didn’t do more before the election. I think many of us fall into that category. But I think the way this defeat was orchestrated has, indeed, mobilized us to not only win next time around, but in numbers that will astonish the world.

There were some who took advantage of the temporary ability to marry in California: Ellen and Portia; George Takei and Brad Altman; Tyler Saint and Rob Peters; Heather Matarazzo and Carolyn Murphy; Brent Everett and Steve Peña; and Michael Feinstein and Terrence Flannery (married by Judge Judy, no less). Congrats to all.

My buddies Sam Harris and Danny Jacobsen had a baby boy, Connor. A couple of months later, Clay Aiken had a son of his own, Parker. Perhaps in time, these tykes can sing duets – and compare notes! Ricky Martin announced that he had twin boys. I made a similar announcement, but it was of a different nature.

Earlier this year, we lost Yma Sumac and Miriam Makeba. At the time, I quipped that when I met those ladies, I was also close to Eartha Kitt, who better watch her back. What I didn’t know at the time was that Eartha had been diagnosed with colon cancer. Just last week, her timeless rendition of “Santa Baby” was certified gold. I’m sure that pleased her, since she always felt her recording career was under-appreciated. Ironically, she passed away on Christmas, while at home being tended to by her daughter, Kitt Shapiro, with whom she had a checkered relationship (to say the least). My own relationship with Eartha wasn’t much better. We had our ups and downs – uproarious moments and screaming matches. But I adored her in that way gay men love their divas. In my bedroom there’s a hand drawn poster of her which she inscribed to me – “We should always be together with great events.” And, indeed we were.

It was a big year for the Billy Masters Empire. Sure, my items are always picked up by newspapers and magazines. But, to be the first “Hot Topic” on “The View” – now THAT was something! I don’t think any other gay columnist can make that claim. Even better was that it was a positive story about Cloris Leachman, who was the darling of the nation during her “Dancing with the Stars” tenure. To have my scoop about her post-“Dancing” career opportunities break on the day before she was cut from the show was something I like to call a calculated coincidence. What was unexpected was to have my sweetheart Sherri Shepherd lead “The View” discussion. Alas, just as the tide was turning in Cloris’ favor, the economy on Broadway shifted downward – meaning Young Frankenstein (and over a dozen other shows) would be closing before Cloris could join the cast. Leachman threw her head back and laughed – as she is wont to do – and said, “So? What’s next?” Something tells me, quite a number of things!

Speaking of “Dancing with the Stars,” I must congratulate Lance Bass for not only getting as far as he did in the competition, but really whipping his body into shape. I don’t believe he’s ever looked so good. But it came with a price. He claims the rigors of the show took a toll on his relationship with Sebastian. Although, from what I hear, his bed hasn’t been that cold.

On stages in London and New York, Daniel Radcliffe appeared nude in Equus. The scene is highly charged and frantic, so the last thing a real actor would do is give his penis a second thought. Next time you’re running around in a panic, stop for a second and check the location of your penis. If it still ventures down your thigh, good for you. If, like me, it retreats to somewhere up by your spleen, then you may understand why when asked if he worries about getting an erection on stage, Danny said, “No – quite the opposite. That would be the best thing EVER!”

Reality stars decided to get in on the nude action. First we had Jesse from “Big Brother” with his past as an “erotic nude model.” Then there was Marcus from “Survivor” flashing his dick on network television. But the best, hands down, goes to Dallas who, prior to appearing on “The Amazing Race,” took a self-snap of his lengthy largess (and rockin’ bod).

A number of professional sportsmen put on quite a show. Visanthe Shiancoe was caught on camera changing in the Minnesota Vikings’ locker room showing off a large appendage of significant girth. A similar thing happened to Dustin Brown of the Los Angeles Kings, who flashed his less-substantial gifts. I laughed when Chris Cooley of the Washington Redskins posted a photo of his Tight Ends Test notebook and forgot to crop out his penis! But if I had to choose a favorite, it would be Riley Skinner from the Wake Forest Demon Deacons standing in his dorm room looking quite buff and fully aroused – impressive. You can check them all out on my site!

After reviewing the hundreds of stories reported this year, my favorite concerned Pamela Anderson promoting her reality show in Australia. A reporter asked if she’d sign his undies, which Pam was happy to do – especially when she saw his large bulge. Her delight turned to horror when he pulled out a chicken leg to protest Anderson’s anti-KFC stance. This is the first time Pamela has EVER been disappointed by something in men’s briefs!

My favorite blind item of the year was this one: Could it be that a certain celebrity couple is enjoying a relationship in name only? So say folks close to the duo who say the sweet music they make is only in public. Sure, they live together and appear to be lovey-dovey, but it’s a big house. Behind closed doors, they allegedly live completely separate lives and fulfill their parental duties in shifts. The one thing they work very hard at is never seeing each other – except for those photo-ops, naturally.

When I can’t even remember the identity of my own item, it’s definitely time to end another year. And what a year it’s been. It almost makes me dread 2009 – how on Earth could it compete? Time will tell – as will my Web site, which you’ll find a link to on www.gaylesbiantimes.com/links/1097. For your personal needs, whatever they may be, drop me an e-mail and I promise to get back to you before Beyoncé signs on to do The Eartha Kitt Story (mark my words on that one). So, until next year, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.