“I wish he had more time to date. That would be wonderful for him. And we’d stand a better chance for him to have a relationship.” – Connie Seacrest expresses concerns over her son, Ryan’s, dating life. Trust me when I tell you time is not the issue.

Welcome to 2009. Although it may look a lot like 2008, I can kick off the year with a little scoop – according to our reliable sources, Mariah is indeed pregnant. I’m told that the diva confirmed her condition at a holiday gathering by finally telling family and friends that she is expecting. Why the secrecy? She wanted to wait until the end of her first trimester. And what about those photos of her holding a glass of red wine? Did we see her drink it? And let me mention, on New Year’s Eve I watched Lindsay Wagner in Scruples – circa 1980. At the end, she toasts her pregnancy with champagne. What can I say? Maybe Mariah was just payin’ homage!

Didya watch any of the New Year’s Eve coverage? You know I taped Dick Clark, only so I could go back (repeatedly) to try and figure out what he was saying. I give him credit; he seemed a little more with it this year – even when that crazy Mrs. Clark came charging towards him like a bull on the streets of Pamplona! Dick looked a little spooked. Of course, Miss Seacrest couldn’t look surprised if he tried. Was he on a Botox drip? What’s going on with his face? I know at one point he was laughing, but his face looked as stiff as … well, as Dick’s!

Elsewhere in Times Square, CNN’s Anderson Cooper giggled like a little girl while Kathy Griffin kept up a non-stop barrage of quips – most of which had nothing to do with New Years and everything to do with CNN personalities or Ryan Seacrest (who was a few feet away in the Hall of Presidents). While 90 percent of what she said was inappropriate, the most blush-worthy moment came at about 12:50 a.m. when someone from the street yelled, “You suck.” Kathy’s retort: “I’m working. Why don’t you get a job, buddy? You know, I don’t go to your job and knock the dicks out of your mouth.” I wonder – was that maybe directed to someone at CNN? It must have been a touchy subject – CNN cut it out of the subsequent replay. But you can watch it on my site.

It may be a new year, but some things never change. Take Mickey Rourke – who everyone tells me is amazing in The Wrestler, but who I must confess I couldn’t care less about. According to those anonymous sources who are as unreliable as certain bloggers, when Mickey did “Letterman” on Dec. 23, he turned to someone backstage talking about Sean Penn in Milk, and said, “I’m not even sure he’ll get a nomination.” That’s his opinion – who cares? Then, on Dec. 28, an alleged Hollywood insider leaked a text message he received from Mickey (typos intact): “Look seans an old friend of mine and i didn’t buy his performance at all-thought he did an average pretend acting like he was gay beside hes one of the most homophobic people I kno.” I’m certainly not going to hang anyone for some mysterious text message or his opinion – if, indeed, it is his opinion.

Brody Jenner just launched his reality show, “Bromance” – which sounds like a show for someone who wants to sleep with a guy but keep it quiet. I have not watched this show, but that’s not gonna stop me from sharing my opinion! I recently saw Brody interviewed and when asked how he feels about people calling it “homoerotic,” he said, “I love people saying that, because I’m very comfortable with my sexuality, I don’t mind. And what that does is it makes them talk.” He says he loves being in a hot tub with guys, cuddling on the floor, and terms them as “awkward guy moments.” Really? Let me take this to the next logical level – a camera catches him getting a blow job from a male friend … “awkward guy moment,” right? The “Oh, dude, I was SO drunk last night” routine? Ditto! He also says that the gay contestant on the show didn’t have a crush on him, but was obsessed with Lauren Conrad – which I believe is the new litmus test for gay men: “Friend of Lauren.” I see it now (although that’s a term with a shelf life of about three months … max). The interview is funny and you can watch it on my site – where we’ll post some hot pics of the candidates.

Robert Downey Jr. found himself in one of those “awkward guy moments” when Jude Law was vigorously rubbing his crotch in between takes on the set of Sherlock Holmes! You see, Downey (as Holmes) has a pipe, and some of the lit tobacco fell onto his lap. He lept out of the armchair, exclaiming his crotch was on fire – I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said those words. Jude sprung to action, rubbing Robert’s lap with enough friction to reignite the flames, and topping it off with water from a nearby flower vase. They probably used a cum rag to dry him off!

Who doesn’t love Antonio Sabato Jr.? He’s currently casting lovely ladies for his own reality show. What’s the premise? He wants to get laid. Lord in merciful heaven – if Antonio Sabato Jr. is having trouble getting laid, what hope is there for the rest of us? Don’t they have a straight version of ManHunt? Like WhoreHunt? Sounds like where Tom Brady met Giselle! I refuse to believe there aren’t legions of straight women who are willing to have a quickie with Antonio.

Anyhoo, I perused the online application and it seems the applicants must be female (of course), single (sure), gorgeous (surprise), glamorous (OK), refined (huh?), and at least 21 – which makes sense since, I believe, Antonio is somewhere in his mid-50s (give or take). In case he hasn’t made the point crystal clear, the girls must also be “young and vibrant in their appearance.” This sounds like it was written by Michael Douglas! Here are some questions in the application: “Have you ever been a model?”; “Do you watch soap operas?”; “What powers do you have over others because of your beauty?” (I can’t wait to hear those answers). But my favorite question is “Have you ever been convicted of a felony?*” The asterisk next to the question leads you to this note: “Answering ‘yes’ to this question will NOT automatically disqualify you from consideration.” ’Cause, you know, this is VH1!!

In case Antonio getting laid doesn’t work, the folks at VH1 have another brainstorm – “Confessions of a Teen Idol.” Picture it: seven former hot guys, none of whom can get a gig today (regardless of what some of them claim), come together to … well, to try and reignite their career. It’s like my annual “What ever happened to...” column – on film. Sure, David Chokachi has had three TV series – name ’em, I dare you. But is he really most proud of “Witchblade”? And, where the hell has Billy Hufsey been? Does Eric Nies look like that on purpose? Was Grease 2 really the highlight of Adrian Zmed’s film career? Does Christopher Atkins really believe his career peak is still ahead of him? What about Jeremy Jackson’s porno tape? And who, exactly, is Jamie Walters? I’m practically lactating with anticipation. I’m happy for any excuse to run those hot nude photos of Christopher Atkins on my site!

When Robert Downey has a flaming crotch, it’s certainly the end of yet another column. I have a secret to share with you. I did something I’ve NEVER done before – I made a list of New Year’s Resolutions! I was thinking that if I actually wrote some goals down, I’d actually stick to them. And one of those resolutions is to keep bringing the best gossip and hottest celebrity nudes to my site at www.billymasters.com. Do you have a resolution I could fulfill? Then e-mail me at billy@billymasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Sean and Mickey share an “awkward guy moment”! Until next time, remember, one man’s gossip is another man’s bible.