Love him tender, love him true with seductive new selections from Ginch Gonch. The 2009 Valentine’s collection is comprised of three pumped-up picks, available in a trio of colors and cuts guaranteed to have your hot spots overheating. Each daring design features glitter accents for added glam around his yam, and come packaged with naughty names like “Heart as a Rock” (white), “Frosted Fakes” (black) and “Razzle-Dazzle” (red). It’s as if the warden threw a party in the county jail. ($27-$32; GinchGonch.com)

Whether you make sweet love or hump like rabid hares, the LifeStyles Vibrating Ring is sure to tickle your pickle. Designed to enhance stimulation and provide pulsating ecstasy through soft vibrating studs, this pliable silicone device maximizes comfort while delivering pleasure of Pompeian proportions. Each multi-use V-Ring is condom compatible and lasts for up to 20 minutes of elevated action, giving you the most bang for your fuck – er, buck. ($7.95)

Nothing embodies eternal love quite like wilted wildflowers. Enter Ovando, whose Sweetheart Arrangement will literally last a lifetime. Available in red, pink or white carnations or roses, this decorative keepsake enables you to profess your undying devotion without saying a word. After Potion No. 9 has lost it potency – and it will – just lay the bouquet flat and allow to dry. Once dehydrated, the encasement can be hung anywhere as a reminder that though amour may wither, it doesn’t have to die. ($175-$225; OvandoNY.com)

Your bathhouse membership won’t fly at Las Vegas’ Canyon Ranch SpaClub (located inside The Venetian and Palazzo hotels), but you can still wax that ass. Available through February, this high-end pleasure parlor offer Valentine’s treats for every budget, from the Fruit and Chocolate Facial (cleansing, exfoliation, steam, extractions, toning and a warming cocoa mask) to the Couples Rasul (an oriental purification ceremony that ends with a chocolate-cherry moor-mud mask and chocolate truffle body milk). Canyon Ranch also offers dinner and dessert for two to top off your co-ethereal experience. ($165 and up; CanyonRanch.com)

At whit’s end on how to satisfy your hard-to-please label whore? Evian’s Prêt-à-porter Bottle by Jean-Paul Gaultier may be the ultra-luxe ticket. Evian Natural Spring Water has partnered with the cutting-edge French designer to create a limited edition bottle for the fashionista who has it all but wouldn’t mind a little more. Très chic! And voulez-vous coucher avec moi. ($13.95; ShopEvian.com)

If the economic crisis has your love locked in, consider spicing up your current surroundings for a night of planned passion. A fiscally responsible alternative to purchasing new furniture or reupholstering the old, the Stretch Pique Slipcover from Sure Fit comes in soft, seductive colors like garnet and chocolate, and transforms worn fabric into an inviting makeshift make-out center. The sensual surface is so soft and cozy you might not make it upstairs. But don’t fret – it’s washable. ($110; SureFit.com)

Noah’s Arc: Jumping the Broom

Noah and the gang head to Martha’s Vineyard for a weekend wedding getaway. But will mounting pressures and predicaments have Noah saying “I don’t”? ($24.99, DVD; $29.99, 2-pack DVD & CD Soundtrack)

“The Lair: The Complete Second Season”

Bloodlust has never been sexier. The second season of here! TV’s gay vampire saga bears its teeth with a two-disc set containing never-before-seen footage. ($29.95, DVD)

RENT: Filmed Live on Broadway

Twelve years after its Broadway debut, Jonathan Larson’s revolutionary rock musical bids adieu with a final performance. ($38.96, Blu-ray Disc; $24.95, DVD)

It’s Not Me, It’s You

Impulsive Brit import Lily Allen releases her sophomore album with more angst than an angry third nipple. Blender magazine recently described it as “part God, part country and all middle finger.” Misery needs company. ($18.98, CD)

Testimony: Vol. 2, Love & Politics

Lyrical poet India.Arie returns after a three-year hiatus with even greater – if not optimistic – insight into the interconnectedness of humanity as a whole. ($13.98, CD)