Marriage equality leaders, both state and local, discussed the current state and future of same-sex marriage at a town hall meeting hosted at the San Diego LGBT Community Center, last Thursday.

“If the court upholds Proposition 8, we’re going to be upset, and we have a right to be upset, because the day has passed when it was ok to say you don’t matter as much as your neighbors or your relationship is not as valuable as someone else’s relationship,” said National Center for Lesbian Rights Executive Director Kate Kendell. “That’s not OK anymore …. We are not going to be quiet. We are not going to tolerate that demeaning place that we have so long lived in and that we finally came out of to be pushed back into again,” Kendell said, adding that if the court invalidates Proposition 8, the community should do whatever it can to communicate its gratitude to the court.

Geoff Kors of Equality California touched on what he hoped are some promising trends in the State Legislature. Several state legislative members who haven’t traditionally voted for issues of marriage equality voted on the two recent State resolutions declaring Proposition 8 as unconstitutional, he noted. “I think this is a really good trend and one that we hope to see continue.”

One member had voted against domestic partnerships, two members came from the Central Valley, another from Imperial County; both are districts where a majority of the population voted for Proposition 8.

“If we can continue to pick up votes from members on marriage from the Central Valley and up in Imperial County and all through the state, then we have more leaders who are known in their communities talking about this issue. And talking about this issue is what is going to make the difference,” Kors said.

Using a projector, Lacklen presented a map identifying the number of states currently offering marriage, civil unions/domestic partnerships and some benefits, along with HRC predictions as to which states will offer them by 2011 and 2013.

In 2008, two states, Massachusetts and Connecticut, allowed same-sex couples to marry; civil unions and domestic partnerships were offered in five states. By 2011, HRC predicts that all New England states except Maine will be offering same-sex marriage. By then, it says California, Iowa, New York and New Jersey will be offering same-sex marriage (Iowa and Vermont offer it now, as of last week). By 2013, the HRC predicts that 14 states will be offering same-sex marriage, with about half as many providing civil unions and domestic partnerships.

“HRC’s goal is to move that conversation from 2008 where you don’t see a whole lot of color across the nation to 2011 where you see Colorado and New Mexico and Illinois, Minnesota and Wisconsin all of a sudden getting into the mix,” said Lacklen.

During a 45-minute question-and-answer session, audience members asked questions and commented on the marriage-equality movement’s objective and method.

If the court decision falls through, couldn’t the Legislature vote on another bill to give same-sex couples the legal right to marry? asked Brian Costley, resident of South Park.

“The problem is once that Prop. 8 is upheld, then the California constitution will prohibit the Legislature from taking that action. So even though you might be able to get it through the Legislature again and they might end up signing it, it wouldn’t change anything, unfortunately,” said Kors.

How do you decide which election to try to take this back to the ballot and win it proactively? asked Rex Wockner, University Heights resident.

“We need to get the data, we also need to go out to the community, and we identify when the best shot we have is and when were already doing what it takes to win. In the meantime, we have to have all the conversations and do all the work that everyone here is doing,” Kors said.

“The one thing about this issue unlike other issues is there is a straight line when it comes to age. Older people, who are vocally against us, the only group we lost was 65 and older, we lost them by enormous amounts, and they vote all the time, so were just waiting for there to be less of them,” Kors added.

Robert Betinger, Hillcrest resident, took offense to Kors’ response.

“As an elderly 80 year old, I take a lot of issue with you joking about waiting for the 65 year olds to die. I think it’s really important that the elderly be respected and included and they come and tell you their stories too. … So I want you to be cautious of kind of putting us in the position, like gay people have been put in as useless and not respected etc. That’s very important,” said Betinger.

“I apologize if that’s how that came across,” Kors said.

“I think that the over-65 demographic is one we have to do a lot of work in, and some of our most powerful couples and storytellers are people who have been together for 40 to 50 years. … We can’t lose that demographic. So that’s critical work we need to do,” said Kors.

“Have you guys thought about doing this in a nonviolent way?” asked a local resident who would not disclose her name.

“I think what we’re doing is nonviolent, very much so. Nonviolence is the key. We’re definitely about nonviolence. I think there might be a perception that what we’re doing is angry, but silence is not an option,” Khabir said.

“The civil-rights movement was not successful because people stayed home and had polite conversations. There were sit ins. There were marches. There were demands for their rights. And I think that if the gay community chooses to shrink away from what has been shown to historically to work, then we will be in an even worse position than before Prop. 8,” he said.