I started my teaching career at an elementary school in my hometown, Des Moines, Iowa. At the time, the school district, which already protected GLBT staff and students with an anti-discrimination policy, was under fire for a proposal to incorporate GLBT stories into its multicultural curriculum. The proposal would ultimately fail, but I knew I would not lie about who I was to my students. I didn’t want other children to experience the hate language I had as a child.

When the questions started, I was honest.

“Are you married?”

“No, I have a partner.”

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Well, if I had a girlfriend, I wouldn’t be able to be with my partner.”

“Oh.”

I was lucky to have a principal who absolutely did not tolerate any hate language and allowed her staff to be themselves. I talked to my students about my partner like the other teachers talked about their spouses to their students. That honesty paid off.

Teachers would come to me and tell me about students who had stepped in to stop hateful words used against GLBT people. Teachers would say, “I didn’t even need to intervene” or “I was so proud that they stood up to that kind of language.” It wasn’t always perfect, but I felt progress was being made.

I became a member of GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network) Central Iowa and strove toward making all schools in the area safe and affirming. It was difficult, however, when teaching GLBT stories was not permitted.

When I left Des Moines for San Diego, a colleague thanked me. “You made being gay everyday common,” she said.

“I was just being me,” I said.

“And that’s all our students needed,” she said.

I continued my ties with GLSEN and became a boardmember of San Diego’s local chapter. As I searched for a job, I worried how districts, principals and staff would respond to my openness. I interviewed for and accepted a kindergarten position with King-Chavez Academies, a charter-school organization that was taking over a failing San Diego school. I was so impressed with the school’s mission of love and tolerance for all.

Within the first year, I conducted an in-service for teachers and staff on how to deal with hate language. The counselors posted signs around campus declaring the school a hate-free zone, and teachers were encouraged to incorporate GLBT history, people and stories into their curriculum.

Every year, teachers read books, such as Oliver Button is a Sissy, William’s Doll, and Who’s in a Family? This is usually followed with a discussion about the consequences of name-calling for everyone.

In April, when kindergarten is learning about sea life, I read And Tango Makes Three, the true story of two male penguins in the New York City Zoo who fall in love and, with the help of zookeepers, become the proud parents of a baby penguin named Tango.

Ending hate language begins in kindergarten, but teaching children not to call names is only the first step. School districts need to provide all students with positive GLBT role models and that means teaching students stories of GLBT people and their contributions to society. It means getting parents, administrators and teachers to stop thinking about two men having sex whenever the word ‘gay’ is mentioned.

A GLBT curriculum is not about sex. It’s about Bayard Rustin fighting for civil rights for African Americans, Lorraine Hansberry writing award-winning plays, soldiers fighting for Alexander the Great, Rachel Carson sounding the environmental alarm, Renee Richards bringing the rights of transsexuals into the national consciousness, Harvey Milk paving the way as the first openly gay elected official and Tango, a cute penguin, whose parents just happen to both be male.

When children are given the opportunity to explore stories that are similar and/or different from their own, they come to better understand those differences and similarities. Like adults, children fear what they do not know, but given the opportunity to learn, the fear falls away, the hate language stops and a sense of love and community flourishes.

It is my hope that when I retire in 25 years, there will be no need for a Day of Silence, GLSEN or GSAs, because there will be no hate language to challenge – everybody’s story will be told.