“It’s hard to talk when you’re teabagging.” – Anderson Cooper shares a bit too much on CNN

This week, it’s the ladies who are front and center. While I was in Boston, I got a last-minute invite to a show Kathy Griffin was doing at the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center. Not only was my invite last-minute, so was the show! She hasn’t performed at the Center since 2006, and even that show was a rarity. Her reality series was beginning to take off, and we were told that since she was scheduled to be playing huge venues like Carnegie Hall and the Kennedy Center, seeing her in an intimate setting would soon be a thing of the past.

Cut to a month ago. The head of the Center called Kathy and told her that with budget cutbacks and a sagging economy, they could use some help. Griffin, who is understanding to anything sagging, was sympathetic and said she’d do a fund-raiser for them on two conditions: 1) that they charge as much as they could for tickets and raise lots of money for the Center; and 2) that she film the experience for her reality show. In fact, she got together with volunteers from the Center and went door to door in Pasadena to promote “marriage equality.” All that footage will fill an episode of “My Life on the D-List.” BTW, the actual show raised close to $30,000. She hung out at the party afterwards and shmoozed with the gays – just like old times.

Sticking with the ladies, let’s talk about a real queen – as in Latifah. The long-rumored family member could find herself inadvertently outed – in court! Two of her former employees are suing for close to a million dollars in alleged unpaid wages. In papers filed in court, the ladies claim they are willing to discuss everyone around Latifah – including her “trainer” Jeanette Jenkins. You know what doesn’t help those rumors? Wearing a flannel man’s shirt on “Dancing with the Stars”!

Martina Navratilova is another gal in trouble. Her former girlfriend, Toni Layton, is reportedly asking for a sizeable financial settlement in exchange for her silence–of course, what she could say is a mystery to moi. When the eight-year relationship went south, Martina offered to pay Layton $200,000. Needless to say, this paltry sum was rejected. Toni’s lawyer claims, “Navratilova is using Florida’s failure to recognize gay marriage to her advantage.” In other words, advantage Martina, for now.

The last thing I want to do is discuss Lindsay Lohan. But I did laugh when I saw this headline: “Stevie Nicks: Lindsay Can Portray Me Over My Dead Body.” Come on – how can you not love that? Stevie was referring to reports that Lohan would like to play the Fleetwood Mac songbird in a biopic. Nicks ain’t so interested: “She needs to stop doing drugs and get a grip. Then maybe we’ll talk.” And when Stevie’s telling someone they’re doing too many drugs, you better listen.

Moving to the boys, let’s talk about gays on “American Idol.” No, this isn’t about Adam Lambert – at least not directly. It’s about last season’s gay blade, David Hernandez. The diminutive dude was ejected the same week pics of him stripping in gay bars circulated on the Web. At the time, Hernandez did what he could to distance himself from the photos, and continued to play it straight – so to speak. My sister-in-gossip, Michael Musto, ran into Davey at a tres gay outing, and asked him about his Idol experience. “It wasn’t the stripper thing. It was the gay thing. That’s Middle America for you.” And yet, these are the same people voting for La Lambert – who is more demonstrative of his sexual orientation than Hernandez was, or is.

Showtime has announced that “The Tudors” will wrap at the end of next season. Why? Because by then, Henry VIII will have run out of wives! If you’ve been watching this season, you just saw a completely naked Jonathan Rhys-Meyers lying face up on his bed during an examination. Granted, there was the tiniest bit of a washcloth betwixt his legs, but that won’t stop us from running a pic and the video, too.

Have you been wondering why Michael Jackson was working so hard to keep the contents of Neverland off the auction block? Because the estate was filled with “art works” depicting young boys in various positions – including one intriguingly titled “Boy Milking Goat,” which I believe is illegal in most states! Among the items is a “boy upper body mannequin.” Actually, there are two of these – in case he wanted to play “three-way,” no doubt. I believe this subject was tackled in an old Kim Cattrall movie. Anyhoo, he made a deal with the auction house, and they will exhibit the pieces. But nothing will be sold. So Michael can happily anticipate many more nights alone with his boy mannequins.

This week’s “Ask Billy” question comes from Victor in San Francisco: “I know this probably isn’t your specialty, but growing up I was a huge fan of Joe Montana [Billy’s note – Joe was a football player who primarily played with the SF 49ers]. I heard his son Nate is like a younger, hotter version of his dad. Do you know anything about him”?

You’re right – this certainly ain’t my department. But hot guys are. Nate Montana is quite a looker. Born in 1987, he’s certainly too young for me, but at least he can go into a bar. Like his dad, he’s playing football and is a quarterback at Notre Dame with hopes of a pro career – I say that like I know what I’m talking about. Recently, a series of photos surfaced of him and his famous dad at the beach. Judging from the shirtless pics of Nate, including some of him touching his nether regions, he’s very hot indeed.

Could it be that a certain former heartthrob has left his wife for someone of the same sex? Well, there are so many contenders for this one. In the past couple of months, three guys on the down low have announced separations. The one we’re talking about, however, is a case of life imitating art since he’s played gay before – notoriously. Of course, this was before his marriage, before he got famous, well, kinda around the same time, but after he was pushed back into the closet. What goes in, despite the good intentions, must eventually come out. And in and out!

When I’m giving you something to chew on, it’s time to end yet another column. Orthodox Easter has come and gone, so I can finally say Happy Easter to the Christians, Happy Passover to the Jews, Krishti Ungjall to the Albanians, and Christos Anesti to you Greeks. It also means that I can leave a very frigid Boston and go to the holy land, Florida! While I’m enjoying the sun and surf of South Florida, I’ll still be dispensing dish and pouring over your letters. So feel free to write me at billy@billymasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Michael Jackson is caught with a goat! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.