“The best cure for a hangover is something one straight man can’t do for another straight man.”

Ben Affleck shares one of our little secrets. How does he know it works so well? Only Matt Damon knows for sure.

This week, we must start by acknowledging the passing of Bea Arthur. I don’t think my readers need me to recount her resume – her work speaks for itself. I was fortunate to spend several memorable evenings with Bea. The first time, she told a group of us about doing the pre-Broadway workshop of the musical, Thoroughly Modern Millie. I interjected that friends of mine said she stopped the show. I was then on the receiving end of one of those legendary Bea Arthur double-takes. After a glare that seemed to go on for an eternity, she said one word – “Twice!”

Another time, she told me that she never considered herself a star. When she did Mame on Broadway, she’d come out for the second-to-last bow wearing a black dress. Then Angela Lansbury came out for the final bow – in a white dress. “I decided then and there that I’d only do Broadway again if I got the final bow – and I’d wear a white dress. Then I’d know I was a star.” Sometime later, I saw her do her one-woman show in NYC – and she was wearing black! When I saw her afterwards, I couldn’t help but mention this. “That’s true,” she said before giving me another one of those long, lingering stares. “But I did get the final bow, didn’t I?” She certainly did!

Speaking of one-woman shows, Carrie Fisher is bringing hers to Broadway. Wishful Drinking has been hobbling across the country and starting on Sept. 22, it will land at famed Studio 54 in New York. I believe Carrie spent several memorable evenings in that venue during her “wishful” days.

As luck would have it, Carrie’s mom is trotting out her own one-woman show. Debbie Reynolds: An Evening of Music and Comedy is playing North Hollywood’s El Portal Theatre through May 10. I’m told she’ll be touring the country this summer, so keep an eye out for her.

As we went to press, I was grabbed by a provocative headline: “Top Gun Star Comes Out As Gay.” It’s about time! And then I read further and found out this story was about Kelly McGillis. YAWN! Despite persistent rumors of her sexuality (she admits to having had same-sex feelings from the time she was 12), she makes it clear that this shift is something new. “I’m done with the man thing. I did that. I need to move on in life.”

Every once in a while, I hear about someone who used to be famous working again. This week, that person is Linda Evans. Didya know that she can cook, too – on top of the rest. Apparently, she’s been in England competing on the UK version of “Hell’s Kitchen.” Not only that – she won!

The news is less positive for actor (and we use that term loosely) Dolph Lundgren. We hear that his home in Marbella, Spain, was burglarized. Although Dolph was away, his wife Anette was there. The robbers ransacked the place and terrorized the missus. According to one published report, once the burglars realized whose house it was, they were terrified and fled the scene. Really? I’d have thought their first reaction might be, “Who?”

All sorts of news from the “Sex and the City” folks. First, let’s send congrats out to Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, who are expecting twin girls via surrogate. I suppose this squelches rumors of a schism between the couple – or does it?

On the professional side, the Sex and the City sequel is still scheduled to shoot this summer (that’s a lot of Ss for one sentence). Although we know all of the ladies are on board, the men have been playing a bit of hardball. After some tense negotiations, the producers have come to terms with Chris Noth. Less difficult was landing Evan Handler and David Eigenberg. What of Gilles Marini? Although the sexy Frenchman is letting anyone who’ll listen know he’s available, I’m told there are no plans for him to have a part – large or small. But that all could change if someone wins a mirror ball trophy.

We all remember Simon Rex making quite a splash with that jerk-off video (breaking that story landed me in the tabloids for the first time). Now, the unemployed actor is teaming up with Lance Bass. For what? That’s the question everyone’s asking. All we know is the duo filmed something in West Hollywood, where they were photographed participating in a bit of “rough play.”

Even more questionable is a photo currently making the rounds of an allegedly nude Cheyenne Jackson. Unlike that recent Barrowman shot, this one actually has a head, body, and penis (thick with a decidedly upward curve). But is it real? Only a small portion of his face is shown (looking directly into the camera), the torso looks kinda short, the penis appears out of nowhere in the bottom of the screen (he’s holding it and it is erect), and said penis is an odd color with a definite “glow.” Even more suspicious is the questionable upholstery on the sofa and the tawdry pile of unfolded laundry. All those reasons make me question its veracity. Here’s a bigger question – why would he have this photo at all? If he were single, maybe. But happily coupled, a nude shot, erect, with his face? I’m skeptical.

One picture I can absolutely confirm is real is that of Ricky Martin posing a la A Streetcar Named Desire. I know what you’re thinking – he oozes all the masculinity of a young Vivien Leigh. But he’s playing against type and dressed as Marlon Brando. Shocking! This was for the “50 Most Beautiful Men” spread in People en Español.

This week’s “Ask Billy” question comes from Marc in DC: “I was watching “Party Down” on Starz and the cater waiter was working an after-party for a porn awards show and was discovered to have a huge cock. Either actor Ken Marino is super hung or that was a pretty realistic looking prosthetic.”

I found the episode in question and it sure does look like a real penis - although who knows.

Incidentally, another reader (who wrote me via my Facebook page) is also watching “Party Down,” but his question was about the first episode of the season when Enrico Colantoni ran buck naked through a reception into a pool. This reader writes, “He seems to show a rather impressive appendage. Might be something good to show in your column.”

When anyone is watching the Starz network, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. I admit it - I’ve been pressured into tweeting! My buddy Sherri Shepherd has shamed me into joining Twitter, and now my goal is to have more followers than any of “The View” gals. So while you’re getting the latest dish from www.billymasters.com, head to Twitter (“BillyMasters”) to keep up with my shenanigans. For your questions, don’t write me there - instead, send an e-mail to billy@billymasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Ricky Martin dresses up as Scarlett O’Hara! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.