“I could break Sean Hannity just by giving him a middle seat in coach!” – Wanda Sykes proposes her own method of torture. On behalf of Hannity, “No! Not a middle seat in coach. I’ll talk, I’ll talk!

Last week, the season finale of “Celebrity Apprentice” delivered NBC a ratings bonanza not seen since … well, since the series finale of “Bonanza”! Joan Rivers’ triumph over Annie Duke in the super-sized three-hour special which took place in New York City’s Museum of Natural History. It opened by describing both contestants, while showing a fossilized dinosaur and a shark. There’s that NBC humor! Some people have criticized the outcome, alleging that Donald Trump rigged the show. For the last time, there were five criteria for the win. One was clean cut – the amount of money raised. The other four were decided, as in previous weeks, by the client, in this case, Kodak. Joan won three of those. Annie won one. So Rivers won. Thank goodness one of the challenges wasn’t Joan trying to open that champagne bottle – three hours wouldn’t have been enough time!

Then there’s the abrupt departure of party planner David Tuterra. For those of you who don’t know, each team was assigned a planner from Tuterra’s company. Davey got Joan, and one of his associates got Annie. As we saw on the show, Joan kept prodding David for some of his trademark brilliant ideas, and he just stood there not saying anything. She suggested bringing in one of her many gay friends to help brainstorm, and this seemed to prompt Tuterra to pull out of the show entirely – meaning Annie also got left high and dry.

Since the show ended, David has shed some light on what transpired. According to him, the party planners were not allowed to give any suggestions – only to execute what was asked of them. This, however, doesn’t explain his ideas of a red-draped ceiling and lounge chairs. He concedes that Joan probably was not told what limitations were put upon him by the producers, and that perhaps this was done to make for a more dramatic show: “I think I was manipulated by the producers. Not set up, but manipulated.” Nonetheless, he feels that Auntie Joan milked it for all it was worth. “She doesn’t know me. How does she know if I’m not good? She’s never seen an event that I’ve ever done. I think she did it because it made for better television.”

In the finale he said/she said part of this story, David was asked if he’d ever work with Joan again. “Over my dead body.” And Joan went on record saying, “I beg America, if you want a nice party, don’t go to him.”

The bottom line is that Joan’s charity,

God’s Love We Deliver, got the $250,000 grand prize, along with the money won in the challenges. In full, Joanie brought in a grand total of $526,546.39. But wait, there’s more – on June 25, Rivers will be doing a one-night-only show at the Gramercy Theatre in NYC, which will benefit the charity. And, yes, that is right smack dab in the middle of Gay Pride Week. Joan’s Love She Delivers!

In some sad news, I must report that disco diva Viola Wills passed away on May 5 after a long battle with leukemia. Those youngsters out there might not know the name, but everyone has danced to her classic disco remake of “If You Could Read My Mind.” I worked with her a couple of times and she was a great gal. RIP.

One of the down sides of having a weekly column is that I’m writing this before the “American Idol” finale. With my luck, I’ll send congrats to Adam Lambert and hottie Kris Allen will win. Instead, I’ll focus on the tension between “Idol” alum Clay Aiken and the show. People have asked why former contestants who came in fifth and sixth have been asked back this season, but Clay’s been conspicuously absent. Well, he’s actually been around. Last week, Clay showed up at the taping, expecting to be welcomed with open arms (or something to that effect). He was kept away from the contestants, despite telling our spy that he wanted to talk with Adam about doing a duet. Since Aiken was the first AI-er to pull away from 19 Management and allegedly talked Kelly Clarkson into following suit, this may be why they don’t want him bending Adam’s ear – or anything else, for that matter.

And now, news from some of my favorite ladies. First up, Wanda Sykes. With all the hoopla surrounding the White House Correspondent’s Dinner, no one noticed that she just became a mother. Wanda’s wife Ann gave birth to twins Olivia and Lucas on April 27. Things are also looking good for her, professionally. The prospect of CBS renewing “The New Adventures of Old Christine” are positive. But if they aren’t interested, ABC has already said the show could find a home there.

Congrats to Bonnie Hunt for having her daytime talk show picked up for a second season. And, in typical Bonnie fashion, she was gracious and humble in the announcement. “In daytime, it’s very hard to stay alive. I really feel fortunate to have a pickup. There seems to be desperation to provoke – to surprise and embarrass guests by catching them off-guard. I can’t survive that way just to get viewers. It’s not just about my staying on the air, it’s about doing a show I’m proud of, that’s respectful to the audience.” Good for her.

My favorite funky divas are back. En Vogue has reunited – and that means all four original members! They’ve had some false starts over the past few years and disputes over terms and contracts and such. But now that’s out of the way and the ladies mean business. They plan to hit the road and get the chemistry cooking, and then have a new CD out by the end of the year. YAY!

He’s not a gal, but I have nothing but love in my heart for Ryan Kwanten. Sure, we’ve all seen him on “True Blood.” Someone leaked to me some brand new sizzling hot shirtless pics of him. They’re probably the hottest thing I’ve seen all year.

On the flip side, former hottie Channing Tatum has chunked up considerably. And yet, that doesn’t stop him from jogging shirtless through the streets of WeHo – where having a double-digit body fat percentile is against the law.

Question: Could it be that a former sitcom siren is desperately seeking a baby? After a number of failed relationships, she’s decided not to wait for Mr. Right and, instead, is turning to the turkey baster. To fill it, she’s trying to enlist the aid of one of her many gay friends, some of whom she’s been romantically linked with. The most recent break up led her to forget about having chemistry and focus on muddling through solo.

When a blind item is all Greek to me, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. By the time you read this, we’ll have a new “American Idol,” it’ll be Memorial Day Weekend, and I’ll be back in Florida – clearly I’m a glutton for punishment. If you’ve got a question, concern, or query, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I buy Channing Tatum a sports bra! Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.