Fatherhood is a quality not determined by gender or genetics. It is the ability to encourage, nurture, protect, support and serve as a role model for others.

Looking at fatherhood this way makes it a quality that all of us – men and women, single and married, gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender – can demonstrate to the adults, children and animals in our life.

In my private practice, I am pleased to work with many same-sex couples with kids. No matter who these folks are, there is always one person who is more the dad – less protective of the kids, encourages them to be strong, try things, have adventures and risk failure. This is traditional “dad” stuff, but women can be just as good at it as men (maybe even better).

Are there adults, children or animals in your life who need encouragement– folks who need a good kick in the butt more than coddling and fussing over? This is your chance to be a dad. Are there people who need someone to show them how to endure hardship or get through a tough time? Again, this is “dad stuff,” and you can do it whether you’re male, female, straight, gay or some variety there of. Some of the best “dads” I know are strong, powerful women. Don’t let your gender determine your behavior; we can all embody fatherhood.

The truth is, we all need good dads in our life. Most of us didn’t have such great biological dads. Richard Rohr, in his book, From Wild Men to Wise Men writes that most of us (men and women alike) didn’t have dads who were really there for us, mentored us or gave us good examples of what mature, grounded adult men can be like.

This is why we all need to embody fatherhood for each other. We’re all missing pieces of a “perfect” dad. None of us got one, no matter how hard he tried. Many of us had dads who were rarely around or too messed up psychologically to really be there for us. We’re all missing pieces of dad and, therefore, pieces of ourselves. We can be “good fathers” to each other. We need to. Let me give you some suggestions on how you can embody fatherhood to all the people in your life:

Be consistent. A good dad knows who he is and what matters to him. His words and actions match. He’s not big on gossip and useless chatter. He speaks when he has something to say and listens when he doesn’t.

Be openly loving. A good dad is. Teenagers may say, “Oh yuck” or “Oh grow up” if you hug them in public, but, in private, they’ll admit they need lots of hugs and encouragement. We all do.

Don’t be bossy and tell people what to do. Help people to find their own way. Encourage them to go after what they want, but don’t hand it to them on a platter.

When children (or adults) challenge you, be prepared to explain yourself calmly. A good dad doesn’t wig out when questioned, but will tell you what he’s thinking and the rationale behind it.

Be willing to set reasonable limits with people. Most adults, like children, are comfortable with structure and predictability.

Focus more on being respected than liked. Respect is powerful and lasting, popularity comes and goes…and people who are respected are well liked anyway.

Pick your battles. Don’t blow up at a kid for every little thing; do the same with your adult friends and colleagues. A good dad can let stuff roll off his back.

Apologize when you’re wrong, explain things when you’re asked and give comfort when it’s needed. This is a good dad at his best.

This Father’s Day, rather than buy your dad a gift he doesn’t need or complain about him, I invite you to embody fatherhood and be the best dad you can to everyone you know. We’ll all benefit and thank you for it.