Ah, vacation time. We dream about it when we’re at work, plotting and planning for that cruise, tour or road trip. Time away from day-to-day cares. We yearn for that day at the beach with nothing to do, or rafting down the Colorado River, or maybe visiting the capitals of Europe.

We imagine adventures and romance. Maybe a three-star hotel in Provence would rekindle some of the romance that long work schedules and rehabbing that old house have driven from our lives. A hike in the North Georgia Mountains or snuggling in a sleeping bag on a chilly night in Maine will give us time to appreciate one another…and maybe some time to do the wild thing.

How come reality often seems a little different?

It’s the third day of your cruise and the thought of another day with your lover underfoot all the time in your closet-sized stateroom is about to drive you nuts. Your partner wants to have dinner again with that annoying couple from Minneapolis; couldn’t he tell you were bored to death last night? The vacation started off fine, but the tension got so thick last evening that you’re still licking your wounds this morning. Who thought this was such a great idea?

Like the holidays, the thought of a vacation tends to build up expectations and fantasies that aren’t always the same as reality. And when those expectations aren’t met, disappointments can seem disproportionately difficult. Many of us remember family vacations that were filled with frustration, arguments and unhappiness. Ick.

Truth is, taking a trip together for a week or two can really test a relationship. (A wise old friend says that if you get along with the guy you’re dating and you can travel well together for three weeks, you oughta marry him!) When you’re around one another without interruption little annoyances grow bigger, especially when we’re away from the comfortable routines of home. At home you like his calm nature; on the trip he seems more like a wet blanket. Or differences suddenly seem huge, and you wonder what you ever saw in the guy.

What’s a couple to do?

Experienced partners grow to understand the rhythm of time away from home. They allow each other to be playful in different ways: One guy wants adventure; the other wants the freedom to stick his nose in that novel he’s been meaning to read for months. Those aren’t mutually exclusive desires, but compromises are called for.

You may not need to schedule every hour, but it’s good to think about a realistic schedule. Allow yourself some down time – particularly if you’re hoping for some gourmet lovemaking. (Too much hiking or museum-touring and you’ll probably want to sleep instead.) And realize that no matter how much you love one another, sharing time around the clock can make you feel starved for some alone time. Experienced travelers understand that’s not rejection – it’s realism.

Are there certain things that each of you really, really want to do during your time away? What do you need to do to make those things happen? Which things are essential, and which would merely be nice if possible?

And what about traveling with friends? Sharing memories with another person or couple can multiply the fun you have – or multiply the problems. Try having a meal together early in the trip planning process and see what each of you wants from the experience. Friends can help interrupt the potential problem of seemingly uninterrupted time with your lover. But understand that little annoyances at home can become major frustrations if you can’t get away from them. No matter how much you may enjoy your friends, if their goals for the vacation are different from yours, misery may follow.

The word “recreation” implies that we give ourselves time to nourish and “re-create” ourselves away from the everyday stresses of life. Having fun with your partner is essential to the health of a relationship; fun is the fuel relationships run on. Think things through and you’ll have a great time.

Now go out and have fun. Bon Voyage!