“I want the Jonas Brothers to perform at my wedding…to one of them!” – Russell Brand, who will get the chance to get down on one knee (or both) when he hosts the MTV Video Music Awards on Sept. 13.

You may remember Charles Perez from the TV show “American Journal” or the cleverly named talk show “The Charles Perez Show.” You may even recall him as Norm Korpi’s love interest on the first season of “The Real World.” More recently, he’s been an anchor of the evening news at the ABC affiliate in Miami. Then Perez was moved to the weekend news – something that, admittedly, happens to people all the time. However, Chucky felt he was being targeted for “becoming too gay,” and filed a complaint with the Miami-Dade County Equal Opportunity Board. Intriguingly, the guy who changed Charles’ position at the station brought up a good point: “As a gay man myself, I can safely say the station does not discriminate against gay people.” Perez is going forward with a multimillion-dollar lawsuit against the station. Here’s where it gets good: back in March, he was in therapy with a now-ex-boyfriend (both Perez and the ex have since filed petitions against each other with the court for orders of protection against domestic violence). The ex sent out an e-mail to everyone in Charles’ address book – including his co-workers – stating that Perez told the therapist that he needed to work through some “gender identity issues”! Oh my! Will someone at Logo give this guy a reality show…fast.

On the flip side, a judge just ruled that being called gay ain’t such a bad thing. You may recall that Anna Nicole Smith’s lawyer, Howard K. Stern, is suing Rita Crosby for 19 libelous statements in her bio, Blonde Ambition. Several of those statements surrounded Stern and Larry Birkhead allegedly engaging in oral sex at an L.A. party (a party I apparently missed). U.S. District Judge Denny Chin ruled that the defamation trial could proceed on 11 of the counts. Of the other eight, Chin stated, “I respectfully disagree that the existence of this continued prejudice leads to the conclusion that there is a widespread view of gays and lesbians as contemptible and disgraceful.” In other words, being called gay is not defamation. I could have told him that! I was struck by another of Chin’s statements: “A reasonable jury could find that engaging in oral sex at a party is shameful or contemptible, and the fact that this conduct may not be illegal does not alter this conclusion.” If I were Rita, I’d try for an all-gay jury.

Sexy Jack Mackenroth from “Project Runway” made quite a few waves as a swimmer at the World Outgames in Copenhagen. The sexy stud took two gold medals, four silvers and two bronze. “I was really not expecting to win medals in all eight of my events,” says the humble hunk. Equally impressive is how good he looks in his Speedo. We also have pics of him out of it, and he’s got nothing to be modest about!

Barbra Streisand is returning to her roots. As you know, she started in the nightclubs and has done pretty well for herself. But what she’s missed with all her success is doing intimate shows. That’s all gonna change on Sept. 26 when Babs does her first club date since opening for Miles Davis in 1961! The venue is the Village Vanguard. And you can’t buy tickets because they’re free! There’s a catch…isn’t there always? You have to pre-order her new CD, Love Is the Answer, or register online at www.barbrastreisand.com. See ya there!

Following in the footsteps of such luminary gossip columnists as moi, Cindy Adams is taking her shtick to the stage. For four nights (Sept. 29 through Oct. 2), Adams will perform Only in New York as a benefit for the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. Babs ain’t the only one who likes an intimate setting – Cindy’s doing the show in the living room of her Park Avenue apartment! For $250 a ticket, it’s a bargain just to see the place. And see the place you will – the price includes a tour of the nine-room apartment and a post-show Q&A. But act fast – there’s only room for 50 people a night (I’ve had more in my bedroom, but that’s another story). Info at www.onlyinnewyorkkids.com.

Meanwhile, one of my dearest friends is making a rare West Coast appearance. The legendary chanteuse Marilyn Maye will be at the Catalina Jazz Club on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood on Sept. 8. I’m not scheduled to be in L.A. that day, but I may still show up – that’s how fabulous she is. And I want you all to go. After all, if she was good enough for Carson to book for a record-breaking 76 appearances on “The Tonight Show,” she’s good enough for us. Cruise on over to www.catalinajazzclub.com and make your reservations now!

Usually former Hollywood hunks are completely oblivious to their ever-expanding waistline. But not Ashton Kutcher. He did an action film called Personal Effects that required him to look a bit heavier. Shortly thereafter, he was scheduled to shoot Spread, that flick with Anne Heche on the prowl for a young-ish buck. He knew it would require significant nudity (thus making it at least not totally unwatchable), so what did he do? “I had to lose like 10 pounds and stop eating and take care of myself. I really cut back to a meal a day. I was probably down to 175 pounds.” Bear in mind he’s 6'2". Not bad.

It seems nary a week can go by without my mentioning Channing Tatum. Once he was a hot young model who had no trouble posing nude. Then he got into movies. Then he got into food. Then he got GQ to invest a small fortune into airbrushing abs on his physique. Now a video has surfaced showing the 18-year-old “Chan Crawford” as a stripper in an all-male revue in Florida called “Male Encounter,” which, sadly, catered to the ladies. It ended up being a good career move. At one of the shows, a female casting director took a shine to him and put him in Ricky Martin…or, rather, Ricky’s video “She Bangs.” And she certainly does in this video.

This week’s “Ask Billy” question comes from Walter in the Windy City: “You never mention ‘Big Brother.’ Do you watch the show? Lots of hot guys there, and I’m sure someone dropped trou on the Showtime feed. Right?”

You’re right on both counts – I don’t watch it, and there has been nudity. For some reason, this show routinely casts the most loathsome people and, while I like to think I have a certain tolerance for loathsome people, “Big Brother” simply catapults past what I consider tolerable. That said, you may recall that Jessie (the guy from last year who inexplicably is back this year) did some “erotic modeling” that showed all his assets. Because we’re in summer reruns (and since you asked), I’m happy to revisit those pics. Then there’s Branden, who I thought looked familiar. He was a minor player on “Dante’s Cove” – a show full of minor players! However, what isn’t minor is Branden’s dick – yes, he’s shown it and it’s quite lengthy. All of the above can be found on my site.

When Ricky’s hiring male strippers…again, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. I finally made it down to Provincetown this season, and I’ll give you a full report next week. For my personal attention, reach out and touch me at billy@billymasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Jessie’s big brother enters Braden’s cove! Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.