I recently received an email request for therapy with a new client. Here is the essence of what they said:

I dread the “Holiday Season” (November through January). People are so fake and everyone makes it all into a big competition (best gift, best parties, best food) it’s like the whole friggin’ GLBT community starts channeling Martha Stewart. Can you help me?

For many of us, “the holidays” (e.g., Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year’s Eve) become a series of covertly competitive events that make life miserable. My therapeutic suggestion? A major shift of mindset. Since you really can’t change other people, the stores or what happens all around you, you can only change your way of looking at it.

Take a tip from those wonderful folks in 12-step programs: start by admitting that you’re powerless in the face of the Higher Power of RRT (Retailing/Religion/Tradition). Then do your own thing. Decide how you’d like to spend the next few weeks: Quietly? With friends? At parties? Out of town? With/without relatives/children/gift-giving? Is there a spiritual or religious component of the Holidays that you like? Identify what you want and organize the coming weeks to get as much of it as possible.

A lot of my clients complain that people act so “fake” during this time of year…all that false happy, happy, happy can make you sick (literally). Here’s the low-down on “fake”: most people are fake when they feel insecure or lonely. Want to be more centered and grounded and less “fake” and crazed? Pay close attention to yourself this month and next. Notice what you’re feeling: are you waxing nostalgic for a happy childhood that wasn’t? Are you envious of someone else? Do you feel disconnected from the “rosy-cheeked masses” in all those TV and print ads? If so, notice your unhappiness, and address it. Take extra-good care of yourself and watch your own Holiday craziness fall away.

Many people feel tense and depressed at this time of year. It’s awfully hard not to compare yourself with other people and come up lacking. Self-pity soars at this time of year. Fight it by taking action: I recommend volunteering. It will put a serious dent in your self-pity. Get your butt off of your sofa and do something meaningful: deliver food to someone, call a children’s hospital or a nursing home, call The San Diego LGBT Community Center and ask what you can do. It may sound hokey, but I guarantee you’ll feel good about yourself at the end of the day.

If you actually enjoy giving gifts, let yourself find them as easily as possible. I recommend avoiding crowded shopping malls. Instead, patronize local GLBT-owned businesses. Let’s support our brothers and sisters who are business owners. Patronizing them does you good (no aggressive parking-space face-offs at the mall) and you help local GLBT businesses keep their doors open. It’s also just more pleasant to leisurely walk around Hillcrest, Mission Hills, Normal Heights, Adams Avenue or Kensington without spending 20 minutes trying to get out of the mega-mall parking lot!

This is supposedly “The Season For Giving”. Well, I think that the most important recipient of your love this season needs to be YOU! It’s healthy – not narcissistic – to be kind to yourself. If you have a family like mine and have been given enough totally-inappropriate cards and gifts to last a lifetime, make sure you give yourself something nice. At least you’ll get one gift you adore! Consider a facial or manicure at a local spa or a massage by a local masseur or masseuse. We all need to (literally) be touched in a kind and loving way, especially during high-stress times like “the Holidays”.

And who says you can’t break free of family obligations and buy yourself a plane ticket somewhere fun and get the hell outta town. A vacation away from expectations (and family) may be just the ticket.

Whatever you do, give yourself the gifts of compassion, kindness and understanding. The trick to thriving – not just surviving – the Holiday season is to be your own Santa Claus. So get busy!