When looking at where we can meet others in the gay community, what are the two most common places? The bars and on-line. Where bars used to be more about trying to meet people, they have become more a place young people go with their friends. And how about if you’re over 35 and the boom-boom-boom of the club scene isn’t your ideal setting for good conversation? Manhunt and Adam4Adam don’t exactly scream community either. In the past, the phrase “gay community” came from banding together for support. Now, with so many specialized interest groups, you may find that you don’t want to join the Gay Men’s Presbyterian Stamp Collecting Skiers Club just to meet other gay men in a pleasant social setting.

The California Men’s Gatherings is designed as a social center for men outside a superficial world of bars and online games. With monthly social activities and three big weekend retreats a year (the Autumn one, near Idyllwild in November, typically draws over 120 men), this is a place where each man can be himself, have some fun, and grow as a person.

“We run two kinds of gatherings: local monthly events and three annual weekend retreats around the state. I joined the events committee because I like being part of creating fun, learning, and helping build community for those seeking more of that in their lives,” said Jim Ruboyianes, who is on the events committee for the San Diego chapter of the California Men’s Gatherings (CMG). Currently, there are five CMG committees for this all-volunteer non-profit organization serving six metro areas in California: San Diego, L.A./Long Beach, the Bay Area, Sacramento and Palm Springs.

The committee works hard to vary the events so that there’s reason to come to a number of them throughout the year and keep meeting new people. Not into last month’s pool party? How about this month’s game night? Or the next month’s theater event? Keep looking and you’ll see all kinds of workshops, sports events, holiday themed activities…even their famous “puppy piles” (non-sexual group cuddlings) that were featured in a past Pride parade.

“One of my favorite outings was when we had a walking tour of San Diego’s supposedly haunted spots.,” said Michael Varnen, one of two co-chairs of the upcoming retreat and a planner for local events. “I also loved an improv comedy night when The FunHouse was still open. The live jazz music picnic in the summer was a good one, too. I like when new men joining our activities keep coming up with new ideas, so it’s always interesting doing new things as well as some familiar ones.”

With requested event donations as little as $5 in many cases, it’s easy to attend numerous events and keep making more friends in the community. The group has no religious affiliation, yet some workshops and activities can have a spiritual side to them, such as the free Sunday meditation group.

The monthly events have been running successfully for about three years now, yet the CMG actually goes all the way back to 1978 with its weekend retreats. Starting with two (one near Malibu each spring and one in Santa Rosa each summer) and expanding to three in 2000 (San Diego runs one each Fall), these weekends range from relaxing to personally challenging, depending upon what workshops you select. Between workshops, attendees can enjoy talent shows, dances, nature hikes, community events, and more. If you’re up for a more intense challenge, you can check out a ropes course, tailored to anyone from the weekend warrior to the fearful-and-out-of-shape.

“Our statewide motto is ‘Men Mentoring Men To Be Men’”, explained Jordan Liberman, budget director for the upcoming gathering. “Straight men have a lot of role models to choose from, but for us, it’s not always easy to see beyond the hype…and sometimes the danger…of what’s glamorized in the gay community. I’m so glad I found this group in my early ’20s, and have had the opportunity to grow up through the retreats and events seeing positive, strong role models in the gay community as I approach my ’30s.”

The upcoming retreat will be the 66th since 1978. The dates are November 27-30, 2008 at Pathfinder Ranch. The men who attend our gatherings and local events are a diverse group of men of varying ages, beliefs, religious traditions, and spiritual practices. We have differently-abled men and men from all cultural and ethnic backgrounds. While CMG attendees are predominately gay and bisexual, all men 18 years or older are welcome, including those who are transgender or straight. The retreats are drug and alcohol free (note: once or twice a year, the group allows alcohol at specific monthly events; check the announcements if this is a concern for you).

The theme for the 2009 Fall Retreat is “The Route To Evolution: Body * Mind * Spirit”. Workshops and community gatherings will often reflect the theme, but anyone with talents to share in almost any area is welcome to submit a workshop they’d like to offer.

Fees are on a sliding scale to try to make the weekends more accessible. Scholarship funds that allow you to work off part of your fee are possible as well. There are no membership fees; attendees just pay for events they attend.

“For me, knowing there was a CMG chapter in San Diego made it so much easier to relocate from Los Angeles to San Diego,” noted frequent attendee Bob Findle. “It was like instantly having a fun group of friends waiting for me since I’d already met so many of them repeatedly at the Malibu and Idyllwild retreats.”

“There are specific options geared for the youngest and the oldest in our community,” said Ben-Andy Hein, the registrar. “For me, there’s nothing like the California Men’s Gatherings for an amazing cross-section of every man seeking more than the loose connections that are all around us. I’ve made some of the best friends of my life in the CMG. I just saw that the chair of last year’s gathering is returning from Europe to attend and lend a hand. That’s the kind of community we build.”

The CMG Web site currently serves all six metro areas in California and can be found at www.CaliforniaMensGatherings.org. Registration is now open for the Fall Gathering and first time attendees get an additional discount as a welcome.