I just hate the Holidays! Ugh! People are so fake and everyone competes with each other for the best gifts, best parties, best tree decorations (best egg nog even!) What can I do to get through this falsely festive time of year?

Signed,

Depressed Already in San Marcos

You are not alone. “The Holidays” (e.g., Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year’s Eve, etc.) can easily become a series of competitive events that make life miserable for everyone. So, my simpatico friend, unhook. Shift your mindset. Maya Angelou said that if you can’t change the situation, then change your way of looking at it.

You can’t change “The Holidays” single-handedly. Let’s face it: people are addicted to them! It’s one of the few addictions that doesn’t have its own 12-step program. So, start your own. Admit you are powerless in the face of the Higher Power of RRT (Retailing/Religion/Tradition). Then do your own thing. Decide how you’d like to spend the next few weeks: Quietly? With friends? At parties? Out of town? With/without relatives/children/gift-giving? Is there a spiritual or religious component of the holidays that you like? Identify what you want and organize the coming weeks to get as much of it as possible.

You want to be more genuine and less fake? Here’s the low-down on “fake”: most people are fake when they feel insecure or lonely. Pay attention to yourself this month and notice what you’re feeling: are you waxing nostalgic for a happy childhood that wasn’t? Are you envious of someone else? Do you feel disconnected from the “rosy-cheeked masses” in those countless TV and print ads? If so, notice your unhappiness, be kind to yourself and you’ll see your own fake-ness fall away.

Many people feel tense, angry and/or depressed at this time of year. One thing that works for me is to volunteer for a good cause: it always lifts me out of my self-centeredness. So get your butt out of that chair and volunteer: deliver food to someone, call a children’s hospital or a nursing home and ask what you can do. Try it! I guarantee you will feel good about yourself at the end of the day. It’s what I call “The Jerry Lewis Telethon Syndrome”: no matter how lousy your life feels, after watching the Telethon and all those brave kids in those awful situations, you feel better about yourself, your life and your own (now quite small) problems.

If you actually enjoy giving gifts, let them come to you as easily as possible. I recommend avoiding crowded shopping malls. Instead, patronize local, queer-owned businesses. Let’s give back to our own.… And you can easily walk around Hillcrest, Mission Hills, Normal Heights, Adams Ave. or Kensington without spending 20 minutes inching into and out of a mega-mall parking lot!

The most important recipient of your love this season is you! It’s healthy — not narcissistic — to be kind to yourself. If you have a family like mine and have been given enough Christmas-themed polyester sweaters to last a lifetime, make sure you give yourself something nice for the holidays. At least you’ll get one gift you adore! Consider a facial or a morning at a local spa with a facial, manicure and that kind of stuff. I recommend booking a massage by a local masseur or masseuse. We all need to (literally) be touched in a kind and loving way, especially during times of unrealistic expectations like “The Holidays.”

And who says you can’t break free of family obligations and buy yourself a plane ticket somewhere fun and get the hell outta town? A vacation away from expectations (and family) may be just the ticket.

Whatever you do, give yourself the gifts of compassion, kindness and understanding. We are our own Santa Clauses, so get busy!