When Jason Tiner accepted a role on Bravo’s “Boy Meets Boy,” television’s first gay dating series, he wasn’t merely looking to meet the love of his life. He was also determined to make a political statement. Working as a Combat Systems Instructor under the military’s infamous “Don’t ask don’t tell” policy, Jason knew that participating in the show would lead to his discharge from the service.

He opted to make the public outing anyway, and as a result, was fired from the military as soon as the show aired. “The reason I did it is because I’ve seen so many people swept under the rug, kicked out of the military for being gay, and never heard from again,” explains Tiner, from his home in San Diego. “So many people think that ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ means we can be gay in the military, and that is totally false. We may not have to sign a paper anymore saying that we’re not gay when we enlist, but as soon as they find out you’re gay, they kick you out. You don’t have to get caught in the act. You don’t have to get into trouble. They can kick you out based solely on your sexual orientation.”

Tiner explains that, like many gay and lesbian servicemen and women, his record was flawless right up until he was discharged. “I was never in trouble, I always held higher position than my rank, and I made E6 within six and a half years, which is quite an accomplishment,” says Tiner. He adds that he participated in “Boy Meets Boy” because he wanted to put a public face to the many gays and lesbians who currently serve our country under a shroud of silence. He believes that his actions were successful in raising awareness. “The feedback has been extremely positive, especially from the guys that I worked with. Many of them have commented that they never knew that ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ affected so many good, hard-working people. They now know that ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ is wrong, and that it was wrong that I was kicked out. They say that they would gladly serve with me tomorrow.”

The reaction of Tiner’s co-workers isn’t uncommon in a modern military that can’t help but be influenced by the mainstreaming of gay culture taking place in society. With the recent fall of sodomy laws in Texas, many GLBT activists can’t help but wonder if “Don’t ask, don’t tell” will be the next statute to fall. Servicemembers Legal Defense Network (SLDN), a national, non-profit legal service, watchdog and policy organization, is one of the main groups leading the legal fight, working consistently to end discrimination against and harassment of military personnel affected by “Don’t ask, don’t tell” and related forms of intolerance. Here in San Diego, a local chapter of American Veterans for Equal Rights (AVER) is also hard at work, collaborating with the many gay and lesbian servicemembers in southern California affected by “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” Unfortunately, as AVER spokesperson Bob Lehman explains, many obstacles still stand in the way of eradicating “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” “The fall of sodomy laws may help speed the process but, unfortunately, politicians still aren’t willing to cross that one last issue,” says Lehman.

The “Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t pursue, don’t harass” policy requires gay, lesbian, and bisexual service members to refrain from publicizing their sexual orientation, as well as refrain from same-sex sexual conduct. In return, the military is banned from asking questions about a service member’s sexual orientation, as well as from conducting “witch hunts,” a term used to describe invasive techniques often employed in the past to root our gay, lesbian, and bisexual service members. Under the current policy, a service member can be discharged if he or she admits to being lesbian, gay or bisexual; engages in physical contact with someone of the same sex for the purposes of sexual gratification; or marries (or attempts to marry) someone of the same sex.

Prior to “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” the official policy of the military was that “homosexuality is incompatible with military service.” All recruits were questioned about their sexual orientation before being allowed to enlist. Soldiers suspected of being gay, lesbian, or bisexual were often threatened, bullied, and encouraged to incriminate other homosexual service members. Once service members were confirmed gay, most were discharged dishonorably, making it impossible for them to collect military pension and retirement benefits.

In 1992, President Clinton entered office and things began to change. He was outspoken in his resistance towards excluding gays from the military, and sought out a legal compromise. After much deliberation before the Senate Armed Services Committee, the “Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t pursue, don’t harass” policy was put into action in 1993. Its effectiveness has been a hot topic both nationally and internationally ever since, as numerous nations have successfully lifted their bans, leaving the United States in their political dust. Among the 19 NATO member countries, Greece, Hungary, Poland, Portugal, Turkey and the United States are the only six that do not allow gays, lesbians and bisexuals to serve openly. Foreign militaries that have lifted their bans include: Australia, Austria, Belgium, Canada, the Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Lithuania, Luxembourg, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Slovenia, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland and the United Kingdom.

In reality, “Don’t ask, don’t tell” does not provide gay, lesbian, and bisexual service members with any true sense of security. Harassment still takes place, with women and young adults ages 18 to 25 disproportionately affected by the policy, and discharges based on sexual orientation occur on a regular basis. But what is perhaps most tragic is the emotional toll that “Don’t ask, don’t tell” takes on queer service members, who are not only isolated by their secrecy, but often feel forced to “act straight,” in order to divert suspicion away from their sexual identity. On top of that lies the fear that financial and career securities could be revoked at any time, were they to be discovered, a rough reality for those supporting partners, children, and other family members.

Active service member Ryan Smith, knows this all too well. “I think that more and more gay men and women join the military every day, and I know that the struggle is overwhelming at times. We are all in this thing together, good or bad, black or white, gay or straight. We have our heart and soul in the [military] and give it our best every day, defending what we believe to be true and noble. For somebody to tell me that I have to pretend to be something I’m not because society says it’s the right thing to do is just not fair. I put everything I am into this country, and I expect the same in return,” explains Smith.

Active duty sailor Rachel E. feels equally torn about her involvement in the Navy. This past Fall, she was unable to march in San Diego’s Dyke March out of fear of being recognized, despite the fact that it was a cause she had dedicated much time to behind-the-scenes. “It was disappointing, but it was my choice,” Rachel explains of her experience. “I was very nervous about it since it was the first time I have ever reached out to be involved with the GLBT community. I didn’t want to take any chances, which is weird because that is what being in the military is about sometimes — fighting for our protection! So why can’t I do it for me and my fellow brothers and sisters, fight for their protection?”

Rachel also expresses concern for the future, should she and her girlfriend (who is also enlisted) ever decide to start a family. “If I chose to start a family, the military will not give my significant other or our children any type of benefits to help their morale and welfare, like they do for heterosexual couples. There are ways around getting support for the child I may have, but not for my partner, unless my partner is also in the military. My partner and I want to have a family during our enlistments, but how we will raise our children is the difficult part. Are we going to have to raise our children teaching them who to tell and who not to tell about what their parents are?”

Bob Lehman hears concerns like this all the time, as president of AVER and co-owner of Bourbon Street. “I see guys and girls come into the bar every day, and they’re active duty and afraid to lose their jobs and retirement benefits. It’s a sad thing to see,” Lehman explains. “And the truth is, if two or three people were being fired from IBM every day, people would be out in the streets, protesting. And that’s what’s happening here; people are being fired. I think sometimes people hear the word ‘discharge’ and somehow it softens things for them, but being discharged is the same thing as being fired, and we need to remember that.”

Jason Tiner explains that, although he received an honorable discharge from the military, that is not standard treatment for gays and lesbians released from duty. “I received an honorable discharge, but that is not the norm. That is almost an exception to the rule. I think a lot of it had to due with the media, the high profile of my case, and the fact that I worked with SLDN. However I want to make it clear that, for most gays and lesbians, that is not a normal reaction.” Tiner also explains that some of his “Boy Meets Boy” cast-mates’ reactions to his dismissal show just how misunderstood the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy is, even within the gay community. “Even James, the leading man on the show, was surprised to hear that I was kicked out of the military. He thought I’d be okay, that I’d be protected by “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” and he’s a gay man! If people within our own community are confused about the facts of “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” I think that goes to show just how far the misunderstandings have spread,” comments Tiner.

One issue on the forefront of many gay service members’ minds is whether or not the recent ruling striking down same-sex sodomy laws in Texas (Lawrence v. Texas) will influence the government’s ability to criminalize homosexuality within the military. In remarks made to researchers at the Center for the Study of Sexual Minorities in the Military at the University of California, Santa Barbara, prominent legal scholars suggest that the ruling may erode the rationale for continuing to ban both sodomy and openly gay soldiers, while others disagree. One theory suggests that the government can no longer use sodomy laws as an excuse to discriminate against gay, lesbian, and bisexual service members, and that Lawrence v. Texas confirms a soldier’s right to privacy, especially in regards to off-duty sexual behavior that does not influence a soldier’s performance on the job. Another theory suggests, however, that as long as the military can convince the courts that off-duty sexual behavior may indeed pose a risk to military efficiency, the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” is likely to remain intact.

As Bob Lehman explains, the current makeup of Congress may greatly influence the future of “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” “In Congress, there are very few people who have served in the military, and only one member has a child in the military. They don’t understand how the military works, so unfortunately they leave it to the generals to decide.” Lehman explains that many generals and retired service members are resistant to lifting the ban, basing their resistance on their generation’s imbedded prejudice towards homosexuality. Lehman, however, remains optimistic that the ban will eventually be lifted. “When Clinton adopted ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell,’ he made it a law. Before it was just policy [to ban gays from the military]. Now that it’s a law, it’s easier to take it to court, and the courts may have no choice in the matter,” he explains.

A.J. Davis-Defeo, director of public policy at San Diego’s GLBT Center, urges members of the GLBT community not to assume that “Don’t ask, don’t tell” will fall, merely because same-sex sodomy is no longer a criminal offense. In her eyes, there are still many obstacles to overcome along the road to legal equality. “The civil rights movement has indeed seen several significant steps forward recently. As always, we have to temper our celebrations with the knowledge that two steps forward often is accompanied by one step back due to the almost inevitable backlash that comes with each great stride in the civil rights movement,” says Davis-Defeo. ‘“Don’t ask, don’t tell’ should be on everyone’s radar as a wrong, discriminatory national policy that must change. Dedicated, hard-working women and men who wish to serve their country are being forced to do so under a shroud of silence. Their partners and families go unrecognized and unprotected and GLBT service members are forced to hide an entire piece of their life and of who they are. Until they achieve the right to serve openly, we will never achieve equal rights or protections in the country they are fighting to protect.”

Many experts believe that the changing attitude of the military itself may be our greatest hope in terms of reaching equality for gays in the military. As Aaron Belkin of the Center for the Study of Sexual Minorities in the Military (CSSMM) explains, the current generation of heterosexual service members is much less prejudiced than the preceding generation, and when asked in private, most young service members will admit that they don’t have a problem serving with gays, lesbians, and bisexuals.

“I certainly feel that the attitude has changed over the years,” explains Jason Tiner. “Guys around my age [that I served with] were completely fine with me being gay. I believe that part of that is because of the mainstreaming of gay society taking place in the media. Gay shows like ‘Will and Grace’ are bringing us out as being normal people, not the perception of the old days. I think it’s becoming clear that we’re just normal people and the fact that we’re attracted to the same sex has nothing to do with every day, especially on the job.”

Even some members of the older military generation are becoming vocal in resisting “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” In an article published in August 2003 in the National Law Journal, retired Judge Advocate General (JAG) for the Navy, Rear Admiral John D. Hutson, called the gay ban “virtually unworkable in the military.” The article argued that the policy is the “quintessential example of a bad compromise,” and that the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” regulations are a “charade” that “demeans the military as an honorable institution.”

What exactly the future holds for gays, lesbians, and bisexuals in the military is impossible to predict, but members of the various legal teams fighting for equality remain optimistic. “I do see a lot of progress,” explains Bob Lehman. “I’ve talked to people from SLDN, and where they were previously hoping for a ten year change [in policy], now they think it may be closer to five years.”

Jason Tiner is also optimistic and content with his decision to leave the military. “I’m happy about my decision. I made the decision before the show,” he explains fervently. “Of course, if we were allowed, I would still be there today. I loved the military. The bitterness I have is towards the policy, not towards the military. It saddens me, and I hope that things will change.” Pausing for a moment to collect his thoughts, he adds, “I think we’re moving in the right direction.”