Kevin Lewis, a life coach residing in Los Angeles, has a new book out called Coming Out, the Road to Unconditional Love. In Coming Out, Lewis discusses his own experiences with coming out, how to challenge the cultural scripts we are socialized with (such as being gay is an abomination to God) and provides a guide to come out in a way that is compassionate to both the person coming out and to the person being disclosed to. This Saturday, Lewis will be speaking at the San Diego LGBT Community Center. Gay & Lesbian Times Staff Reporter, Rick Braatz, recently interviewed Lewis about his new book.

Gay & Lesbian Times: What led you to write about coming out?

Kevin Lewis: I was lead to write about it because of all the people I have worked with just didn’t get the reason why someone should come out.

GLT: What makes your book different from other books on the same topic?

KL: First I will say it is different because I address coming out in a completely different fashion. Yes, you do read about my coming out experience, not as a story about it but rather as examples of situations. When I talk about the things I did to protect myself growing up in a small town in Kansas, it is not to get people to think about me in some way, but rather it is to show what a kid will do and the obvious effects it can have.

GLT: What’s the goal(s) of your book?

KL: There are a few goals. One goal is to get people to expand the way they handle things that are revealed to them in their lives without judging the other person or them self. Judgment is the number one killer in the world and it is perfectly seen in the number of suicides in the USA. People get to that point because they have been judged or are afraid of being judged. Another goal is to get people to talk about how the whole conversation on gay people should really be. The whole religious debate is unfounded, and I present it in a way that will get people to think and do a little more research.

GLT: What do you think is a major problem or predicament people experience when they come out?

KL: I would have to say the attitude of ‘my way or the highway.’ See it is not all about the gay person when they are telling someone. You have to take into consideration what the other person is going through. You need to remember the last time they may have dealt with this so close to home could have been many years ago and they need to work through that.

GLT: Some people may never accept the person coming out to them. Do you have advice for both sides in that situation?

KL: Well if you are the person that will never accept the gay person, I have to first say, I am sorry to hear that. Second, you are the one limiting your life by choosing to not accept the other person. If you are the one that will never be accepted remember it is THEIR choice to do this, not yours. You should never limit yourself by the choices other people make. You should never hide yourself for anyone’s sake, because they are not as important as you are to you, or should be.

GLT: Are there any instances where you think people should not come out?

KL: Yes, you should take into consideration the response of the person you want to tell. If they do have some control over your life, don’t hurt yourself to tell them. Remember it is your security and life that matters here. If they pose a danger, then just wait until they can’t hurt you in anyway.

GLT: In the book, you mention that when people realize they are gay they disconnect themselves from their spiritual selves and often start engaging in destructive behaviors like abusing drugs and alcohol. What do you mean by the spiritual self?

KL: There are different aspects to a person. One of the aspects is the spiritual self. This is what is commonly called your spiritual body. But I don’t like the term ‘spiritual body,’ because it puts the idea of physical separation in a persons mind. The spiritual self is the place that your true self grows from.

GLT: You use the concept of God a lot in your book, but it’s not the religious idea of God, its more a spiritual idea. Why did you decide to use the concept of God in this way?

KL: First most of the attacks against homosexuality come from the religious circles. When you go back into studying religious texts, you will find that God is not thought of as an old man on a throne ready to toss your ass into a fire. God is the basis of how you should live. So I use the word ‘God’ because of the principle rather than the man. Lets remember, ‘God’ was really changed from Catholicism into Christianity, and I am just bringing it back to what it truly was.

GLT: In Coming Out, you talk about the need to stay in the present moment. What do you mean by staying in the present moment, and why is it so important?

KL: The present moment has been explained as many things, but to get to the basics, it is all you have. It is right now. Staying in the present moment is paramount, because when you are present, you will notice when you are reacting instead of responding. See to respond is to take the current situation and dynamics of now into consideration. When you react, you are simply applying everything that was told to you into play. This is how arguments go places, and you wonder ‘where the heck did that come from,’ because it is not part of the present moment. When you stay in the present moment, you can also easily recognize when someone is reacting to you, and then you know it is not really you they are attacking or screaming at, it is a previous situation or mental programming.