Are you someone who loves to shop? Does it make you happy? Is it hard to stop buying stuff? Are you in debt from continual shopping? For some people, whenever they feel down, they go shopping. They justify it by telling themselves some version of: life is so hard…don’t I deserve to have nice things to comfort me when I feel bad?

Even with the economy so lousy, many people continue to shop themselves into major debt. I see some of them in my practice and hear them lament their situation and justify all the stuff they’ve bought, almost like “consolation prizes” in the madness of life. After I listen to them, I then ask them this: Yes, you do deserve to have nice things when you feel bad, but do deserve all that debt too? If what you need is comfort, debt won’t do it. Debt creates stress and anxiety, and this isn’t my idea of happiness.

Going to the mall when you’re unhappy is not that different from standing in front of the refrigerator, opening the door and saying, “Okay food, make me happy.” Neither food nor shopping can make us happy for long. Here is my happiness/shopping theory: most new things (clothes, jewelry, haircuts, makeup, computers, electronic gizmos, etc.) make us happy for three days’ max. After that, it wears off and then what? You have a credit card bill coming and how long will it take you to pay that off? And we’re not even talking about the interest here (I’m not Suze Orman).

As I tell my clients: it’s not what you’re buying that matters, it’s why you’re buying it. I like nice things too, but I don’t expect them to make my loneliness or boredom go away. In fact, I don’t expect much of them at all. I buy something because (1) I can afford it and (2) I like it. Period. No more, no less. If you go shopping to avoid feeling something, then, honey, you’re headed for trouble. How long do you think you can avoid your troubles this way? One client of mine recently bought a $40,000 car because he was bored with his life. Another client took a $3,000 trip to Europe because she was fed up with dating women who “didn’t appreciate me.” When the newness of the car and the European trip wear off, where are these folks? Back where they started, with a big ole debt to make them feel even worse!

The retail world is happy to make money off our insecurities…especially in this tight economy. Luxury good retailers appeal to this sense of insecurity (buy something from us and you’ll be envied and admired). On the other end of the spectrum, discount stores seemingly appeal to our intelligence (buy something from us and you’ll be a smarter shopper than your friends). Rather than fall for their marketing tricks, before you step out your front door, ask yourself: What is my motivation in going shopping? In this hyper-media-driven society, we are continually encouraged to indulge our narcissism and self-pity: “I deserve it.” Of course you deserve it. We all deserve nice things…but using this logic to rack up a huge debt is bullshit rationalization.

You deserve comfort when you feel bad, but, dear reader, this isn’t it. Comfort doesn’t have a hidden price tag that will come back and bite you in the ass when the credit card bills come flooding in. Comfort comes from taking a good long look at yourself and asking “Why am I so depressed/angry/lonely/sad?” Go to the root of the problem, and stop using shopping as a temporary fix.

P.S. Debtor’s Anonymous groups are really helpful for some people, and credit assistance/consolidation services are available too. But first, look within, then go for (external) help and support.