When you read about the rich and famous “going spiritual”, e.g., going to meditation retreats, studying Buddhism in India, reading (and writing) spiritual/new age/personal growth books, what the hell is going on? Is this a true search for peace of mind or is it mere new age quackery? Is it just another way to make a buck, or is there really something valuable there?

What exactly is “spirituality” anyway?

I looked it up in the dictionary, and found, “related to the spirit or sacred matters” and “deeply religious”. So I looked up “spirit” and found: “life-giving force, presence of God, vivacity or enthusiasm”. Confusing, isn’t it? Most people explore spiritual paths to get out of their misery and find more happiness in their lives. Ironically, people who have achieved a great degree of success are often the most motivated to “go spiritual”. Why? Because they’ve had all the physical things, people, events, and/or jobs that they expected would make them happy...and find themselves far, far from happiness. Look at all those celebrity rehab shows that highlight people’s deep disappointment in the powers of fame and fortune. People want a way out of suffering, despair and disappointment, and realize that nothing outside of themselves is gonna get them there.

What to do then?

“Going spiritual” always involves going inside yourself and leaving your focus on the external world behind. For some people, this is terrifying. They don’t want to know themselves more…they dread what they expect to find. But, dear readers, without self-examination, making positive and lasting life changes is impossible. Like it or not, we need to go within. This is what a spiritual path is all about.

Most of my clients on a spiritual path have some sort of structure that supports this process of questioning and discovery: they may learn to meditate, pray, go on silent retreats, do yoga, chi gong, read “spiritual” books, etc. For many of these men and women, something happened in their lives that shook up their sense of safety, security and predictability. Motivations to seek a spiritual path may include: the pain or the death of someone we care for (a pain we cannot fix), the loss of something or someone we have relied on or treasured, or hurt received from someone we trusted. The inevitable gains and losses, highs and lows, successes and failures that are part of living are great motivators to look deeper than the world of things and people for our peace of mind.

For many of my clients, the heart of their spiritual investigation is answering the question: “Who am I, really?” An unwillingness to do this makes any kind of growth - spiritual, psychological or otherwise - almost impossible. We need to release the rigid idea we have of who we are and be willing to honestly and boldly look deep into our own eyes and see who’s looking back.

I find that there’s a lot of truth in the statement: “If you ask the right questions, the answers will follow.” Without asking the right questions, we may be deluding ourselves into thinking that our happiness lies in external events or people (all beyond our control). “Going spiritual” is an attempt to reduce the suffering in our lives. This suffering comes from trying to control events; people and circumstances so that our lives, opinions and preferences are not challenged.

A spiritual path faces the unpleasant truths that (1) we cannot make anything stand still for us and (2) clearly, we are not in control. A spiritual path offers us a way to cope with ourselves and the unpredictable world we live in. It’s about finding a peace of mind that doesn’t depend on trying to control the externals of our lives. This may be worth your consideration.