Here’s a newsflash: Marriage, or civil union, or “a piece of paper” — or whatever you want to call it — Is. Not. About. Sex.

One would think from the comments we’ve been hearing lately that once gay and lesbian couples achieve legal status we will never have sex again — at least not with anyone we’re interested in. So how about this for a revelation? Having a legal relationship with another person in order to ensure fair property, parental, inheritance, etc., rights has little to do with your private sexual arrangements. It never did.

In the beginning, marriage was about property rights, pure and simple. It had nothing to do with sex beyond establishing a line of inheritance. Of course it had little to do with love, either.

Even now, civil marriage is a simple legal contract. You apply for a license, giving the bride and groom’s full names, addresses, occupations, education, dates of birth and the dates any former marriages were legally ended, and the bride and groom’s parents’ names and places of birth. A legally approved officiant performs a short ceremony before witnesses, everyone signs the license and voilá; you’re married. The license is then filed with the county clerk’s office to provide an official record.

That’s it. There is nothing about sex, love, god or church involved.

The fact that most people have a religion-based reaction to the term marriage doesn’t change the fact that you can have as many religious ceremonies as you like, but you won’t be married unless you have a purely secular civil license.

Many seem to believe that a marriage is what makes a couple committed, but it isn’t. Staying together through the good and the bad times is what makes a couple committed. A marriage is what keeps them legally and financially tied.

This isn’t to say that getting married can’t be lovely and romantic. The fact that two people are willing to legally bind themselves and their futures to each other in a way that requires lengthy legal action to undo is a pretty fair indicator of their intent to commit. And it’s that intention to commit to each other that makes it a romantic gesture.

Here’s another fact to consider: Having the right to legally marry doesn’t mean that everyone who can, must. If you don’t want to be legally tied to someone, don’t marry them. It’s hard to be any more clear cut than that.

What the GLBT community has been fighting for is not the right to commit to one another; we can do that now. What we have been fighting for is the right to have the commitments we make and all the ramifications involved — inheritance, property rights, parental relationships and all the rest — legally acknowledged.

As Minnesota lawyer Jonathon Burris says in this week’s feature (see “AB 205: Are we ready for gay marriage?” page 38), “There are several hundred issues that would be impacted by marital status or non-marital status. People need to recognize that there are issues involved other than this ethereal concept of [marital] bliss.”

What is it we’re afraid will happen to us if we start marrying, anyway? Will we lose our outsider status? Being rebels is all well and good if we have something worth rebelling against, but to rebel simply for rebellion’s sake is — well, a little childish, don’t you think? The rebel without a cause can be very sexy, but generally only if you don’t have to live with, support or rely too heavily on them.

If we’re worried that being able to make a legally recognized commitment will make our relationships potentially more binding in some ways, well, it will. We will have to give serious thought to making our relationships official — and to ending them.

Marriage has an image problem – so many have made such a mess of it that we tend to see the worst in marriage as an institution. Granted, it’s far from perfect, but right now it’s the best option available for a simple way to form a legally effective family relationship. And regardless of how we feel about marriage itself, we have a right to form those relationships. Love it or hate it, whether we improve it or make a mess of it, we should be able to get married if we want to, just like everyone else.