Sex is something that all of us have in common regardless of how and why we do it. The GLBT community has experienced a unique social and psychological set of hurdles that we have had to overcome in order to accept ourselves and feel sex positive about our sexual health and our sexuality. Some of us were lucky to be the few without any hang ups about being GLBT or our sexuality. However, for most it was a process that ranged from frightening to confusing and at times liberating.

The battle that rages over our civil rights is based on who we have sex with. This is unfortunate as this should not be something that the government, local or federal, should have anything to do with, let alone denying us our rights based on this. It makes our sexuality completely different from our heterosexual counter parts. All the way from how we feel about it to the way we express it. At times the GLBT community has been made to feel ashamed of their sexuality and sex lives in general. An issue that has been coined “gay shame”. For a long time there have been jokes, put downs and laughs at the expense of GLBT sex and what we do behind closed doors. Part of taking pride and love in oneself starts with acceptance and letting go of the stigmas that have been put on us.

We all enjoy sex in many different forms. Sex is a healthy, positive and fun act that should not be stigmatized or lead to embarrassment. With so many types of sexual cultures in our community it can be hard to navigate through what you like and what you don’t. Why someone is drawn to a certain practice or sexual culture can be very interesting and fun. While covering all of these cultures and sexual movements would be impossible in one feature, we can cover things that might be new to some and informative to others. The most important things about sex are that it is fun, it is between consensual adults and is associated with positive feelings for those involved. Knowing yourself, your body and what you like is critical to being able to please your partner in bed, in addition of course, to having an open mind. As the old saying goes if you have never tried it how do you know you do not like it? Whether you read this and think, not for me, wow that’s for me, hmm I had not thought about that before or get a good laugh at what’s out there. Remember that acceptance of others differences is what makes this world a more colorful place to live in.

Let’s start with toys. Who does not like toys! For most of us in whatever size shape or form they equal fun. The options of the past were well limited, but these days there are many different types that cater to our community, all with enticing packaging and functionality. Even the stigma of purchasing these items, swaddled in notorious brown bags, has virtually disappeared. The materials of today’s toys vary from product line to product line each affording a different experience. A latex toy is different from a silicone toy and a silicone toy varies from the realistic lines like the Cyberskin toys. The toys can be bendable, soft, rigid and even made out of glass. Based on the type of sex you want to have there is a toy out there that will accommodate that type of sex. The way to ensure that you keep you and your partner safe is knowing the condom compatibility of all these different toys. A large proportion of people are allergic to latex, so when choosing a toy or toys it is important to know if the toy is made of latex or uses latex fillers.

The pros and cons of silicone, silicone/latex, rubber/latex, acrylic/glass and new skin toys are the following:

Pros: Latex rubber toys (jelly toys) are aesthetically pleasing because they are available in virtually any color including transparent. For those who do not want a super realistic looking dildo they also offer a wide array of different looks that range from realistic to not realistic. They are compatible with both water based and oil based lubricants, they are relatively inexpensive and have a realistic feel. They are condom compatible.

Cons: These toys always carry a very heavy latex smell that never really goes away. They also are harder to clean properly, as they are porous and can store bacteria longer. Another drawback to this type of line is that even when they have just been cleaned they accumulate dust giving them a dirty dull look after a few uses. Some people are allergic to these toys due to the latex.

Pros: These types of toys are very easy to clean as they are non porous. They also do not hold the toy smell as much as the rubber latex toys and things do not stick to them in the same way, even when being lubricated. They are dishwasher safe and can be cleaned that way. These toys heat up to your body temperature thus producing a more realistic sensation. Silicone toys are also hypo allergenic and a lot of them are handmade. When used with water based lubricants instead of oil based ones the toys have a longer life span than most other toys. They are also condom compatible. These toys range from very soft to very hard and also come in an array of colors, sizes and shapes.

Cons: These toys can be a bit pricier; however they are well worth the cost difference. They can be used with water based lubricants along with oil based ones, however it is not recommended to use oil based lubricants as they break down the silicone and shorten the life span of the toy.

Pros: These are the newest line of toys available and the material used to make them is very unique in feeling and function. These toys are made to mimic real skin and are made of plastic and silicone. They are the closest to the real thing, heat to body temperature and are a must have for people who want true realism. They also come in different colors and flesh tones. These toys are condom compatible.

Cons: They can be hard to take care of as they are porous. Another drawback is that they do not have the shape of an erect toy or penis as they tend to be soft and floppy. They also have to be cleaned with antibacterial soap. They can be renewed by thoroughly drying and then applying cornstarch until the next use.

Pros: Available in every different shape and size, these toys heat up or get cold with ease and they are beautiful to look at. They are easy to clean and sanitize well.

Cons: They will not bend, making them uncomfortable at times. They can also be really pricey.

It is important to wash your toys before and after they are used. If the toy has electrical components it is important to keep water away from the batteries and electrical parts. Silicone toys are currently considered the safest as far as materials. They are hypoallergenic and have no pores to harbor bacteria. Silicone stays stable at to up 600 degrees making it easy to boil if there are no electronic parts. Silicone toys are also dish washer safe as they will not melt. They can be cleaned by using 10% bleach to water. A silicone lubricant should never be used with a silicone sex toy.

Both these materials can be washed with warm water and an antibacterial soap. They can be sterilized using alcohol, but should be thoroughly rinsed afterwards. Acrylic and glass toys can also be boiled and submerged as long they are not battery operated. Most lubricants are compatible with this type of material, however never use petroleum or oil based lubricants for vaginal penetration or with latex condoms as they will cause the disintegration of the condom.

All of these products are extremely porous, so they must be washed very thoroughly with warm water and antibacterial soap. They also have to be rinsed very thoroughly otherwise the material will slowly degrade and cause irritation. It is a good idea to use a condom with every toy, however even more so if using this type of toy.

These include products made out of materials like Cyberskin. This would also include some types of masturbation sleeves, vibrators and erection rings. Wash with warm water and antibacterial soap, then let air dry completely. Once the toy is dry use the renewing powder the toy came with or cornstarch. However, do not substitute with baby powder or talcum powder.

Store them in a dry, clean place and always remove the batteries before storing. Water-based lubricants can be used with all sex toys. When the toy is broken, old or worn, replace it. It is always best to use a condom when you use a toy with or without a partner. Use a new condom for each place it is put and wash it in between uses. It helps prevent infection or disease.

Almost all products on the market today fall under three types of lubricants: silicone based, water-based or oil based. Generally speaking water based lubes are not sticky and messy like silicone and oil based lubes and this makes them the most popular. They are also smooth and slick and are absorbed by skin and mucus membranes. The down side to water based lubes is the need to reapply them more frequently. Water based lubes are also completely condom compatible. For women, however, water based lubes contain glycerin which is known to cause infections easily. Some popular brands of water based lubes are Astroglide, I.D lube, Wet, Liquid Silk, Maximus and Foreplay. Silicon lubes last a lot longer than water based ones and that is a big advantage. However, they generally are greasy and messy despite the thinner texture. You can also use silicone lubes in water. Silicone lubes will stain your fabric, clothes and cleanup is a bit more of a chore. Some popular silicone lubes are Gun oil, Wet Platinum, Eros and I.D. Velvet. Oil based lubes are not recommended for sex due to the fact that they corrode latex. They can not be used with condoms. They are also not all that great for the male or female body in a variety of ways. However, they can be a good choice for masturbation, just as long as there is no penetration. Some of the more popular oil based lubes are I.D Cream, Men’s Cream and Elbow Grease.

Condoms come in all shapes and sizes. The most important thing about using condoms is that they are new, stored properly, fit properly and are put on properly. Also, generally speaking, Nonoxynol-9 is not a good idea for the mouth, rectum or vagina. Lesbians who do not sleep with men should avoid using condoms that contain this because it is not as healthy on the female body as using condoms without it. A lot of people are allergic to Nonoxynol-9 so it can cause irritation that can develop into sores, making it easier to contract or spread HIV. Also avoid Lambskin condoms as they are not as effective as their counterparts at controlling the spread of disease.

It is important that lesbian and bisexual women protect themselves and feel empowered about their sexuality and sexual health. Equally important is understanding that lesbians are not immune from HIV/AIDS, infections and diseases. While men have complained about how uncomfortable condoms are, lesbian and bisexual women seem to feel the same way about dental dams. It is time to get over it as dental dams protect you and your partner as do a simple box of gloves that can be bought at any pharmacy.

Fleshlights, masturbation sleeves, dildo’s and butt plugs by Colt, Titan or Falcon Products are always quality and fun. Nipple clamps, an adjustable cock ring, a cock pump, condoms and a bottle of Gun Oil and one water based lube, Swiss Navy or H20 JO, one Randy Blue porn and a Naturals Fleet enema.

One Cyberskin dildo (if you do not like the look of a real toy) trade for a Tantus toy or Vixen. Tantus makes the best working strap on harness, however they only fit their toys. One pair of boys bvd’s will also work. One double sided toy, one Colt silver vibrator, leather or leather substitute cuffs, Liquid Silk lube or B.A.R.E lube, which is a vegan lube.

Paddles are most typically made out of leather or wood. Some of them have holes cut into them, making them less wind resistant, thus producing a harder impact. They can be large or small and some have studs and patterns. A slapper is much less stingy and produces a more dramatic effect than a regular paddle. Because they are made out of two pieces there is a louder sound, however the impact is more absorbed. Riding crops offer a smaller striking surface than paddles. Floggers are whips with relatively short but thick tails. They tend to produce more of a thud. Floggers can get pricey and are well made to ensure balance and control for the person using it. Avoid cheaply made floggers as they will be ruff and stiff at the edges and can dig and break skin. The edges should feel soft and be rounded if it is of quality.

Sounds and dilators are used for urethral insertion. They are medical devices that are used by some as sex medical play toys. They start off small and gradually become larger and larger. Sounds are inserted with the bottom lying supine. The penis must be soft for a sound to be inserted. It must also be sterile and lubricated. If an erection occurs, do not take out the sound until it has subsided. Once in place the sound can be gently tapped on the handle or using a small vibrator against the sound can add pleasure. Some sounds are straight and others are curved and are usually sold in sets of eight. It is very important to note that sounds are a more serious toy. Take a workshop and inform yourself before playing with these. These types of toys have to be sterile, so pathogens will not be destroyed by boiling these. They have to be steam and pressure sterile which means autoclaved or a pressure cooker. Once again they can be fun when informed!

These fall under the medical play toys category. A speculum is used for gynecological use in exams. They can also be used for self examinations and monitoring health in women, however they do not replace the need to go to an annual appointment. They need to be sanitized before use, unless you are using a disposable plastic one for one time use only. The metal specula’s can be sanitized by using 1 to 10 dilution of chlorine bleach for at least five minutes. Rinse, then dry. In the same way these can be inserted to open the vagina they can also be used in the anus, well lubricated with a water soluble lubricant. In order to safely do this the person needs to be relaxed. With either a man or a woman it is important to use gentle pressure and slowly expand the blades until the desired dilation. When removing, ensure that you do not let the blades loose completely, leave ? to ? of an inch or they can pinch tissues.

The more popular names or brands associated with these toys are the TENS units and the Violet Wands. The basic idea with either, is you enjoy getting shocked. The wand can be moved anywhere on the body avoiding the head and chest as vital organs reside under the skin that have delicate systems that if shocked can cause a serious injury. It gives a sensation close to that of static shock. It is also important to not keep the wand in one place as it can cause burning. The TENS unit on the other hand has various varieties offering different numbers of independent output channels and channels that vary. They can be at different intensities and pulses. TENS units also can use attachments that can be inserted for erotic stimulation. With either of these toys it is a must to use extreme caution as they can be dangerous or lethal if not used properly.

There are many reasons why people use these items. Some simply like how they look. Others like having their penis and balls encircled. Cock rings can create larger and harder erections and they can also intensify an orgasm. Beginners should use a strap that is adjustable for quick release. It is important to choose the right fit and with a rigid metal ring this should be done with care and by measuring the diameter of an adjustable strap at the favored position. Measure around the penis and balls (at the base, behind the scrotum) and divide it by PI (3.14). This will give a pretty close estimate of which size to buy. It is very important to buy one that is not too small. Reports of emergency room visits to have these removed are not pleasant. Ball stretchers are worn to lengthen the scrotum (in combination with a strap or ring can be most effective for optimal pleasure).

The hanky code has been around for a very long time. At one time it was a way to identify those who were gay and what they were into sexually, in a time when gay man were not able to live openly as gay men. They would walk down the street flagging and grab the attention of a gay man who was looking for the same thing. It started in a time when there were fewer rights offered to those who were GLBT. However, the Hanky Code has become popular again, and not just with gay men, but with lesbians, the transgender community and bisexuals. It is a piece of our history that the younger generation has also embraced and they use the Hanky Code as a fashion statement as well as to advertise what they are into sexually.

See http://www.gaylesbiantimes.com/pdf/hankycode.pdf

The leather community is one of the more accepting and visible sexual communities in the GLBT community. The leather community has been around since the 40’s. It represents a long rich history that is more than just a leather fetish, it is also a lifestyle. Gay men in this culture are referred to as “Leathermen”. It would be a normal practice for those involved with the leather lifestyle to take those new to this lifestyle under their wings and show them the ropes. People who are into the leather lifestyle range from boot boys to Masters to Daddy’s to Slaves and Drill Instructors. Nothing quite epitomizes the leather community like the Tom of Finland illustrations. The leather community also holds competitions for International Mr. Leather and Ms. Leather. They are involved as a community in raising money for charities and are considered to be very close knit. What they all hold in common is a love for leather, sexually and otherwise. Some of the bigger known leather events are The Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco and Leather Pride is held in most major cities. There are those who just like the look and smell of leather and to some it is a fetish and others it is a lifestyle.

These are just briefs of some of the options out there, so have fun, enjoy sex as it keeps any adult happier at any stage in their life. So try new things because that’s what life is all about. Just be safe and educated in your choices. Also the best sex is safe sex and the safest sex is sober.

All of these toys and items can be purchased at Pleasures & Treasures and The Crypt. A huge thanks to both stores for providing the information and time to make this feature possible. As well as Susan Gage of Progressive Health Services/ Lesbian Health Clinic for her time and contributions.

The information provided by The Crypt offers provocative or controversial ideas intended solely to enlighten or entertain you- not advise, encourage, or endorse the use of any product. It is compiled from various sources without verification of accuracy and must not be relied on for any purpose. Inform yourself about any product. Its proper use and related risks, by contacting the manufacturer. You assume all risks related to product use, and The Crypt is not responsible for any bodily injury resulting from your reliance on this information, or the use of any reliance on this information, or the use of any product, for that matter neither is the Gay & Lesbian Times.