I was deeply disappointed with the 2003 International Mr. Leather (IML) contest held last month. I thought for sure bare-assed leather fanatics were going to be ambushed by a herd of animal rights activists.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has always hounded leather fetishists but it never caught the scent of the gay leather community until last January’s Mid-Atlantic Leather weekend.

That’s when PETA set their first bear trap. I was rubbing my hands with glee at the prospect of seeing two fanatical fringe groups rip each other apart. But a curious thing happened on the way to the hunt: PETA, which is known for its blood curdling, in-your-face, down-your-pants and all-over-your-fur outrages, was nothing but gracious and diplomatic towards the gay leatherites.

PETA activist Lisa Franzetta said, “We’re all for pride in every community, but any community would have even more to be proud of if they rejected a relic of the past when we were less aware of the issues of animal suffering and adopted cruelty-free alternatives.”

What kind of attack was that? I was furious. I wanted red meat thrown at the leather cages, not hummus. After all, Franzetta is the same PETA activist who threw fake money and fake blood at designer Michael Kors and yelled, “Here’s your blood money, fur pimp!”

She’s the same activist who regularly calls fur-wearing women “heartless bitches.”

So why didn’t she bare her fangs at the leather lovers?

What is even more astounding than PETA’s petulance deficit disorder was the stone-cold silence from the leather community. An extended web search did not reveal a single diatribe against PETA on leather websites. Nobody in the leather community spoke in defense of their fetish.

They may have been silent, but the leatherites could not have been amused. They fought long and hard to get the rest of us to laugh at the pockmarked asses jutting out of their leather chaps. They could not have been happy watching their hard work destroyed by a vegetarian, for God’s sake.

Franzetta went on to say there was “no excuse” for the leather lifestyle, gaining agreement from most of us but for completely different reasons. “Wearing animal skins won’t make you look sexy,” she said, again gaining agreement from most of us, but for completely different reasons.

Diplomatically, PETA suggested fashionable alternatives to leather. Like vegan bondage gear.

I don’t know which is more laughable — seeing hard-core leather fetishists swathed in vegan diapers or typing the word “diplomatically” in the same sentence with PETA.

This is the kind of moral debate I live for. In one corner is a group of starving vegetarian fanatics so pale and translucent from a lack of protein that you can see right through to their organs. In the other corner stands a group of rotund fetishists so over-fed and obsessive they actually scream out the names of condiments during sex.

I had hoped the Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend was PETA’s way of declaring open season on gay bears. A season that would end with a spectacular climax at last month’s International Mr. Leather convention.

But nothing happened at the IML. It’s as if both parties agreed to disagree and leave it at that.

Why the conspiracy of diplomacy on one side and silence on the other? I suspect PETA can’t risk offending a political ally (gay folks are heavy contributors) and the leather community won’t risk bad publicity (PETA is the acknowledged master of shaming the unshamable).

What we have here is a creative impasse. Fortunately, there’s more than one way to skin a cat. Perhaps a little third-party mud slinging will help. Allow me. PETA: Quit the double standard. You hiss at straight leather lovers but you purr at gay ones. It’s time to make the gay leather community bleed like stuck pigs. And speaking of blood, I say throw buckets of it at the next IML beauty pageant.

Gay leathermen: What, are all of you gagged, submissive bottoms? Aren’t you enraged at the suggestion of calling yourselves the “pleather community?” I say asphyxiate the PETA people with a bear hug and leave them hog-tied in your dungeons.

It’s time for hides on both sides to be tanned. Let the Games begin and may the best fanatic win.