Physician Esben Benestad and sex therapist Esther Pirelli, two well-liked residents of a Norwegian bible-belt town, regularly share the same seat at the movie theater. To save space? Nope. Because Esben and Esther actually share the same body … and identity as father to 26-year-old filmmaker Even Benestad.

Esben Esther Pirelli Benestad is bi-gendered, meaning that he/she identifies as both a man and a woman. One day glamorous Esther might take to the market, while on another day masculine Esben will tend to his patients. The journey to self, familial, and public acceptance was a long and rocky one for Esben Esther and kin.

All About My Father (airing on Cinemax June 29 at 6:00 a.m.) is the award-winning result of the father and son’s mutual patience. In it, son Even Benestad confronts his family and himself, painting a poignant and probing picture of a sort of father figure few of us grow up with.

The Gay and Lesbian Times had a chance to chat with father and son at the Berlin Film Festival, where All About My Father won a Best Documentary Teddy Award in 2002. At the screening Benestad senior appeared in the male expression of Esben, yet plum-haired female expression Esther — elegant and flirty in manner — arrived for the interview.

Esben Esther: Definitely. I’m always the father in any mode — even when I’m sleeping.

EE: Well, I was upset and I was proud and impressed.… It was like with some meals you need some time to digest. My wife and I, we needed some weeks to digest the film.

Even Benestad: Yes, of course. And people say, ‘Oh, it must have been terrible for you. But no, I was 10 years old when I got to know that he was a transvestite and the only thing I could associate it with was the carnival. It was twice a week or so, when he was usually at home eating dinner, that he was Esther. It wasn’t a problem for me.

GLT: You were 10 years old when you first discovered this? How did that happen?

EB: Before that [my parents and other transvestites] had parties, like secret parties where no children were allowed, especially not me. And the same guests always came and all the curtains were drawn. I wasn’t allowed to be anywhere near home until 10:00 p.m. the next day — I had to stay [overnight] with my grandmother. Once I got angry because I didn’t want to go to my grandmother’s and I understood something was definitely happening, so I demanded to get an answer. My mother and father looked at each other … and he said I’ll tell you. We went down to the basement where he had an office, he sat me down on a stool and leaned forward and said, ‘You know son, your father likes to dress up as a woman.’

To be honest, I had expected something more explosive.

EB: Everybody knows both my gender expressions. As far as I’ve been able to observe, also, most people are receiving me as a bi-gendered person.

GLT: Do people prefer one or the other?

EE: For a long while my patients would say, when I was in the female expression, ‘Would you please tell Esben that I have a stomachache?’ Then they sort of found out I am as competent a doctor even with tits on.

EE: That’s what I’m working professionally with. Bi-genderism is not a very well known term at all. There is a lot of either/or thinking. You can be a man, woman, gay lesbian, transsexual. But the bi-gendered way is not very well known, so in a way we are a group that is starting to define ourselves….

EE: I’m always both but I can only show but one at a time — at least as the world is right now. Partly it’s based on what I’m going to do. If I’m going to lecture on gender I’ll almost always be in the female expression. If I’m working in my office with all my own patients, I’d ordinarily be in my male expression. And if I’m going to a really fancy party I prefer to be female because it’s much more fun.

EB: I’m not getting the part where I have to understand that he’s a woman. He says that when he’s a woman, the man is not there. That’s complex. I believe I’m not stupid — I’m allowed to have the conflict because he’s my father. And the people I’ve talked to in my same situation can identify with my way of seeing things.

EB: My sister says that if he had an operation that would be tragic, because where’s the father then? When your father’s no longer a man, and he’s a real woman when naked, of course there’s a problem — how should we relate to our father? Is he becoming a mother, is he becoming an aunt? It’s very difficult and I don’t think I’m stupid to ask those questions and wonder and be scared.

EE: I wouldn’t say that he’s stupid, but he’s very stubborn. In my 52 years I have tried to find ways to describe myself. And of course none of us are given the clues because our societies say you’re either a man or a woman, and if you cannot fit into those categories you have to find some other ways to describe yourself. Maybe many years ago I thought I could not be a woman and a father. Now it’s no problem for me to be a woman and a father, but I can see Even’s point. Maybe when he’s 35 the image of his father may not be as important as it is now. When I was younger the image of my father was more important than later on…. At the same time, some transsexual fathers sort of force the children to call them mother. I say that’s stupid — you’re not the mother, you’re the father. You are a woman who is a father.

For me that makes sense and is logical, but I’ve taken a lot of time to find those words and find it easy to speak them. And I respect Even for not being able to see it exactly the same way. For him, it seems to me that it is very important that I am the father and I preserve the image of the father. But I can be both.