Leather pants, vests and a salt-n’-pepper mustache used to be the exclusive signifiers of “daddy” within the gay community. Not so anymore. Today, openly gay daddies — and fathers — of all races, ages, colors, and labels are becoming visible, although the process of gay parenthood is still plagued by political and societal prejudice. David Strah and partner Barry Miguel are fathers to two very happy, healthy adopted children, Zev (5) and Summer (2). Anxious to bring some attention to this growing phenomenon, Strah spent over a year conducting some 100 interviews with other gay fathers (all of whom had to identify as gay when they had children) for his book, Gay Dads (Tarcher/Putnam).

Co-written with Susanna Margolis, and boasting photography by Kristen Timken, Gay Dads paints compelling, inspirational human portraits of 24 gay families — including Strah’s — and the hoops they went through to get there. Their stories include tragedies — run-ins with anti-gay social workers, a boy who dies from AIDS — and triumphs, like an adoption agency that refused a gay couple due to a discriminatory policy but called a few weeks later, stating, “we have a birth mother who specifically requested a gay male couple.” The company has since changed its policy to allow gay adoptions.

To talk about his book, life and gay fatherhood, the Gay and Lesbian Times spoke with NYC-based Strah.

David Strah: I considered it, but there were already some out there — there’s a wonderful book called Women in Love: Portraits of Lesbian Mothers and their Families. And since I’m a gay dad I was more interested in my experience.

DS: No, I’ve never seen it. I think it’s actually the opposite. I would say we’re actually more model parents because we have to go through so much work to become dads, so much preparation and soul searching, and we have to be perseverant. Straights can go to bed at night and wake up pregnant, whereas we have to battle obstacles. I think it makes us better parents.

DS: I think its half-and-half. I think there are some gay dad families that embrace the suburbs, are maybe more traditional. But for the most part we’re pretty nontraditional. We kind of divide the chores; it’s not so much gender based but what we’re better at or interested in.

DS: I have no idea. I didn’t ask any questions about their sexual practices. They just had to define themselves [as gay] when they had children. I interviewed a number of people who were co-parenting, which is nontraditional. They get together with mostly lesbians, sometimes straight women. Sometimes they would live together, and sometimes within a few blocks from each other.

DS: Summer and Jackson were in music class together. I’ll tell you, I think it’s more about seeing life through your children’s eyes — they’re totally uninhibited and the silliness comes through. It’s pure joy. When my daughter was 1 1/2 years old she learned how to hit the elevator button. Our building is 20 floors, and one midday I let her press all the buttons and someone on an upper floor got in and was VERY unhappy.

DS: Well, one of the scariest things was when Zev was born, even though all the legal paperwork had been done with our lawyer and the birth mother, the hospital at first would not acknowledge that Zev was our son. We pushed, and they said we could only visit during hospital visiting hours, whereas biological parents could visit anytime. That was scary — there was a good week where we could only visit during visiting hours. Our lawyer kicked into high gear and threatened them legally ... and they saw how committed we were ... then they relaxed.

DS: I think they’re fairly attuned. What we did early on, at least since Zev was a year and a half old, was talk about various family configurations. Gigi has one mom or Amelia has two moms, whatever it is we would at least talk about it or mention it. And Zev is certainly aware he has two dads. His first year in nursery school, a classmate had two moms.

GLT: Do you want another kid?

DS: I have two right now and I would love more — absolutely. [It’s the] most important thing in my life and incredibly meaningful. The most difficult job but the most rewarding, too.

DS: I would love for all the gay men who are thinking about or want to be dads to become dads. I’d like it to be easier for gay men to become parents — prejudice ending or more favorable legislation, whatever it would take.

DS: I can’t imagine how it couldn’t. I think it would melt anyone’s heart.