NEW HAVEN, Conn. (AP) - When Maya Levine-Ritterman was a very small – and very verbal – girl, she would tell almost anyone who’d listen about her two mommies.

She would be sitting in the cart at the Stop & Shop and tell the cashier, “This is my Mommy Barb, but I have another mommy at home with my brother, who is taking a nap.”

That was when she was 3 years old. Now she is 8, and she has learned to be a bit choosier about whom she tells about her mothers, Barbara and Robin Levine-Ritterman, and her brother, Joshua.

“I don’t tell right away,” says Maya, who has two thick, long braids, a hamster named Misty and a love for Harry Potter. “I wait to see how we are getting along.”

Maya, who lives in a brick ranch house in a residential section of New Haven, has learned that while she loves her family and sees lots of advantages to having two mommies, there are those who think it’s not normal to have gay parents. There are children who will say – she mimics their mix of shock and tease – “Oh, you have two mommies?!” or “That’s impossible; you can’t have two moms,” or “That’s gross,” or “You must have a dad.”

While the debate rages over whether same-sex marriage should be legalized and whether gay and lesbian families are healthy environments for children, children like Maya – estimates are that there are between 2 million and 7 million of them in the United States – are defining the territory.

“I’m tired of the arguments over whether it’s ‘good’ for children,” said Jessica Horne, who was 16 when her mother, Peg, came out as a lesbian after a divorce. Her mother has been with the same partner, Maryann Otto, for almost nine years.

“Family and love is about support, honesty and trust,” said Horne, who is 27 and lives in Unionville, Conn. “All those things are in my family.”

During the last 25 years, there have been many studies of children raised by gay and lesbian parents, and almost all of them have shown no significant differences between children raised in straight families and those raised in gay and lesbian families, experts say.

“The results of the research have been pretty reassuring overall,” said Charlotte Patterson, a psychologist and researcher at the University of Virginia. Children – whether their parents are straight or gay – have very much the same levels of achievement, social adjustment and mental health. Most studies also show – though the research is more scant – that children in gay and lesbian families are no more likely to be gay or lesbian than those from straight families.

However, Judith Stacey, a professor of sociology at New York University, reviewed the research available about children of gay and lesbian parents and did find some individual studies that point at what she calls “modest but interesting” differences. These studies, she said, are small and not conclusive but may suggest areas for future study.

A few studies suggest that lesbian parents tend to be more egalitarian and gender-neutral in their child-raising techniques. These parents tend to share childcare and work outside the home in a more equal way, according to this research.

The boys in these families “were less aggressive, more tolerant,” said Stacey. “The girls were more self-confident, with a wider sense of career perspectives.”

Horne said that when her mother first came out as a lesbian, she was surprised and a bit overwhelmed.

“I can’t say the thought didn’t cross my mind: What does that mean for me? You know: Does that mean I’m going to be a lesbian?”

But after talking with her mother and reading materials, she knew, “No, you’re not what your parents are. You learn from your parents. ... You need to be open and honest with yourself, and I know I’m not a lesbian.”

It was a problem only once, when a grade-school friend said she couldn’t sleep over because Emily’s mother was gay.

“That’s when it kind of hit me,” Horne said. “What? Is this not right? Not normal?”

Her brother, Patrick, who is 19, said the divorce was always a bigger issue for him than finding out that his mother was gay.

Occasionally, he said, children at school – particularly in middle school – might tease him or joke about gay people, but he and his friends settled that quickly.

“I really didn’t have to say anything because I’ve got all my friends behind me, and we’d just kind of look at the guys,” said Patrick, who is about to go to culinary school. “It’s not anything to worry about. I don’t worry myself about it.”

Back at the Levine-Ritterman home in New Haven, Maya is speculating about what she might say to President Bush if she had the chance.

“I would say I have two moms, and I would stand up for all their rights,” she said.

She would tell the president that her family is exactly like any other, except she has two mothers instead of one.

“What’s the big deal? We’re just the same,” Maya said.

It’s a feeling that Jessica Horne shares.

“When you hear Bush talk about protecting our families – who’s protecting my family? I don’t really think anyone is,” Horne said.