Designed to put a human face on the fight against the proposed federal constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, the Story Project is a new way for GLBT couples, families and their allies to get active in the fight for marriage equality. Started in early 2004 as part of The Center’s larger Marriage Project, the Story Project compiles stories and pictures of couples and families to send to legislators and use in presentations and educational brochures.

“It is always easier not to care about a faceless group of ‘them’,” said AJ Davis, director of public policy at The Center, who is the project’s main coordinator. “We want elected officials and those who may be opposed to equality to see the faces of the families they are hurting by not supporting equal rights and protections under the law.” The federal marriage amendment (FMA) would deny federal recognition and protection for same-sex couples and their families indefinitely.

“What I’m looking for is marriage equality,” said John Laird, who along with husband Aaron Borovoy, is one of five couples that have participated so far. “[Heterosexual couples] get over 1,000 different privileges and we get nothing. Even though we get domestic partnership benefits, it is still not the same as getting married. … We pay taxes, we own a condo in North Park; all of our accounts are joined, our car; we still don’t have those rights that we deserve.” Like many long-term partners, Laird and Borovoy have taken legal steps to ensure power of attorney and inheritance rights. “We have everything we can get, we’re just looking for equality.”

The Story Project is looking for stories from same-sex couples that traveled to San Francisco to marry between February and March of this year, couples that have experienced significant difficulties or hardships due to not being able to marry, individuals who have lost a partner or who have separated from their partner and experienced significant or devastating loss due to the lack of laws to protect them, different-sex couples who refuse to participate in the current, discriminatory institution of marriage, and same-sex couples who do not feel they have experienced significant hardships, but who believe they deserve equal rights and protections.

“We’re accepting stories from anyone who has been affected by marriage discrimination and is willing to tell their story,” Davis said. “We will definitely take stories from couples married in San Francisco, Massachusetts, Canada or anywhere else, but also stories from couples and families who have not had the opportunity to travel somewhere to marry, who want to be able to marry in the town where they have made their home, or who have been otherwise affected by not being able to marry.”

The ongoing project has no particular completion date. “Its immediate intent is to fight the proposed FMA, but the long-range intention is to promote full marriage equality,” Davis said.

Laird, a boardmember at The Center, and Borovoy first found out about the project while attending the Winter 2004 Commitment Expo held at The Center in January. After being asked to participate, the couple, who have been together 21 years, decided to tell their story from the perspective of the commitment ceremony they held in 1984, when there were no Commitment Expos for gay and lesbian couples to shop around at.

“There is a lot that is similar but there is a lot that’s different, and considering it’s only 20 years ago, it’s pretty significant for people that are coming of age now and getting together now to see that it was still pretty much a foreign concept to non-gay people 20 years ago – that there would be people who would be willing to have a union and share their lives together,” Borovoy said.

For example, the couple went to Montgomery Ward to get their wedding bands. “It was very interesting to try to get two male wedding bands, and renting tuxedos and things like that,” Borovoy recalled. “The thing that was amazing at the time is that we didn’t give the world enough credit for being behind us. We had very little attitude even at that time about doing this, even though it was something that didn’t happen very often. … As GLBT people, sometimes we don’t give the rest of the world enough credit for them being able to handle us. We only hear what the wacky right has to say because they scream louder than everybody else. Most people are fine with people loving each other for who they are. At least that’s what we’ve found. Once they saw that it was genuine and sincere and a real relationship, nobody seemed to have that much problem with it, even 20 years ago.”

When San Francisco was issuing gender-neutral marriage licenses earlier this year, Laird and Borovoy planned to travel to the city to obtain one. However, by the time they were able to clear their schedules, the state had already put a stop to the issuance of marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

Though the Story Project is a way for GLBT couples to leave a legacy of sorts, Borovoy thinks the project is useful as an educational tool. “We were just honored to be asked to participate,” he said. “We just feel very strongly that both gay and non-gay people need to know that our love is real and is just as real as anybody else’s love, and it always has been. It’s not a new phenomenon.”

Besides Laird’s involvement with The Center and Borovoy’s involvement with Temple Emanuel, a mainstream Jewish congregation, the couple has been involved with the Imperial Court de San Diego for more than 12 years. Borovoy, who serves on the executive board of Temple Emanuel, will serve as president of the board in two years.

“They have opened their arms and accepted us 100 percent,” Laird said. “They have more problems with my not being Jewish than anything with my being gay.” Temple Emanuel has participated in the San Diego LGBT Pride parade for the past five years. “Aaron and I are a caring and loving couple. I am so proud of what he has accomplished at temple and my involvement with the board at The Center has allowed me to be even more open in who I am… We’ve fought and struggled for this for a very long time and I just think people are realizing that it’s time we get it, but we just have some people that are throwing stumbling blocks at us. You want a human face, you’ve got ones here that have been together 21 years.”

Laird said he and Borovoy are encouraging other couples they know to participate in the Story Project. The more stories gathered mean that a greater percentage of the GLBT community is represented. Stories and photos gathered so far are posted on The Center’s website.

“There are several events coming up, like the Family Dance/Sock Hop on June 4, where we will be focusing on collecting additional compelling stories from couples and families who have been affected,” Davis said, adding that couples and families interested in participating in the project need to sign a Permission Statement when submitting their story in order for The Center to be able to use it. The release form allows The Center to publish the story in educational materials and online or in print.

Though people can submit their stories anonymously, the project needs more people who are willing to submit pictures along with their stories.

Couples and families interested in participating in the Story Project can submit a one to three-page (maximum) story, and need to provide contact information for follow up, designate whether their story is to remain anonymous or not, and complete the Permission Statement, which can be found on The Center’s website. Submissions can be sent via email to adavis@thecentersd.org, via fax to (619) 718-6467 or mailed to P.O. Box 3357, San Diego CA 92163.