“I won’t do it justice, but I’ll do it,” says Cole Porter (Kevin Kline) to his wife Linda (Ashley Judd) as he prepares to launch into song in De-Lovely. Director Irwin Winkler (The Net, Life as a House) might have said the same thing to his producers as he prepared this well-intentioned but stodgy biography of Porter, one of America’s most gifted and prolific songwriters (“I Get a Kick Out of You”, “Night and Day”, “Anything Goes,” etc.). He and screenwriter Jay Cocks (a former film critic who wrote the Oscar-nominated The Age of Innocence and Gangs of New York) may think they’ve created an unconventional musical (or is it a love story? Or both? You decide!), but De-Lovely is, a little male-on-male kissing aside, about as safe and conventional as they come.

The film opens in 1964, the year of Porter’s death (the heavy makeup makes Kline look like a bloated old Ray Milland). “Gabe” (Jonathan Pryce as the archangel Gabriel — wink, wink) has materialized to take a dying Porter on a musical tour of the last 40 years his life (a device Bob Fosse employed to considerably better effect in All That Jazz). When we first meet the younger Porter (Kline would seem the ideal choice to play the urbane sophisticate, but he’s just so-so, like most of the rest of the film), he has been “just having fun” for the past 10 years in Paris. Meeting lovely socialite Linda Lee Thomas at a party dramatically changes the course of his life; between her wealth and connections and his abundant talent, Porter’s career literally explodes (at one point he had seven shows on Broadway at the same time). Even though Linda knows of his “other” interests — namely, men — they decide to marry and take up housekeeping together. As Porter enjoys greater and greater success, his frequent clandestine dalliances put increasing strain on their marriage (which, against considerable odds, lasted 28 years).

Since De-Lovely’s script is so trite and full of hackneyed Hollywoodisms (“You are the rhythm of my heart,” Linda coos to Cole in one scene – sheesh), one has to take comfort in its elegant production values and plentiful music, interpreted here by an array of contemporary vocalists, including Sheryl Crow, Diana Krall and Natalie Cole. Some performances nicely capture the Porter spirit (especially Vivian Green’s sexy “Love for Sale” and Crow’s “Begin the Beguine”), but others (Alanis Morrisette, for instance, closely followed by Elvis Costello) seriously miss the mark. As a movie, De-Lovely isn’t much better — though it’s certainly more honest — than the first version of Porter’s life, Night and Day. As a soundtrack, it’s considerably better. (Hillcrest Cinemas)

**1/2

Hard to believe it’s been nine years since Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and French student Celine (Julie Delpy) met on a train in Europe in Before Sunrise and carried on a whirlwind 24-hour romance, complete with arty (some would say pretentious) discussions about love and politics. When the morning light appeared, our sweet-faced lovers said goodbye, promising to meet again (in Vienna) in six months. (They chose not to exchange contact information for fear the relationship would burn out. Yeah, I thought it was cowardly, too.)

In Richard Linklater’s moderately engaging sequel, written by himself, Delpy and Hawke, Jesse and Celine run into one another at a Paris book signing (Jesse is now a published author, as is Hawke in real life) and decide to go for coffee before Jesse has to leave town for his next PR gig. The writer is now happily married, while Celine is living with a photojournalist and working for an environmental protection agency called Green Cross (and her English is much improved). It’s clear very quickly on that both individuals still have a highly philosophical view of life. (Do we appreciate things more as we get older? Isn’t it the “little achievements” that improve the world?) Which means if the thought of two people jawing on about deep, meaningful issues (they don’t say much about the night they spent together in 1995, which I found strange) bores you to tears, you needn’t bother with Before Sunset.

Hawke (who smiles more here than in his entire previous career — too bad he needs serious dental work) and Delpy do quite well in their roles (which involve a lot of long takes with no cuts — very impressive). It’s interesting – to a point – to see how they feel about this, that or the other thing, and I enjoyed the fact that the film is smarter than your average two-character love story. But a few factoids aside, how much have we really learned about the older, wiser Jesse and Celine by the movie’s end? Since they’re both spoken for and there’s no possibility of a romantic reunion, Before Sunset becomes just another highbrow, masturbatory meditation (only 80 minutes long), designed to make us all feel more intelligent. As one character says, how you feel — in this case, about Before Sunset – depends on “whether you’re a romantic or a cynic.” Me, I’m the cynical type. I’ll take Linklater’s School of Rock any day. (Hillcrest Cinemas)

It’s one thing to be forced to make a bad movie because of a contractual obligation, it’s another to write it as a vehicle for yourself. In the ill-fated, soon-to-disappear The Intended, co-writer and director Kristian Levring and star Janet McTeer (Tumbleweeds, Songcatcher) have fashioned an unappealing dramatic tale about an engaged couple (McTeer, as Sarah, JJ Feild as Hamish) who come to a Southeast Asian jungle in 1924 to work for domineering ivory trader Mrs. Jones (Brenda Fricker). (It’s unclear why they would so willingly submit to the poverty-level conditions awaiting them.)

When Mrs. Jones is found dead, her pudgy, antisocial son, William (Tony Maudsley), takes over day-to-day operations of the family business (funny, he previously seemed slow in the head), which is failing and about to run out of money. The promise of a mere $50 from Erina (Olympia Dukakis), William’s nanny, is enough to make Sarah lie down with the grubby, panting slimeball (her fiancée is ill and in bed, recovering from his last trip inside the jungle). Of course, Hamish discovers what’s going on and is devastated by his wife’s betrayal.

If I’ve made The Intended sound like a relentlessly cheerless melodrama, I’ve done my job well. McTeer and Levring treat their material like high art, when it is more like a wilted Tennessee Williams melodrama with a steamy jungle standing in for a steamy plantation. The cast is good, but the film is drab and hard to follow, which spells certain death at the box office. (Ken Cinema, July 9-15)

Kyle Counts is the movie critic for the Gay & Lesbian Times.