Mercury retrograde isn’t the terror it’s usually made out to be, but this week he conjoins Mars in opposition to Uranus, so all hell will break loose. At best it will take on the feel of a screwball comedy. As long as you can keep laughing, it’s OK!

March 21 – April 20

Social mishaps turn the dullest party into an unforgettable experience; so do fires and earthquakes. Creative humor can save the day, or just crank up the disaster quotient to Lucy Ricardo levels.

April 21 – May 20

Some changes are necessary at home, but this is the time to get excruciatingly clear about what needs changing. Solving and resolving the mess should wait. Precipitous actions at home now would explode into public life.

May 21 – June 21

Your mind and tongue are all over the place, causing more trouble than usual. Think carefully before opening your mouth; be prepared to apologize. Distract yourself from danger by exploring new ideas or reading about far-off places.

June 22 – July 22

Financial pressures are largely imagined – but perhaps not entirely. New and radical steps, tempting as they may be, can only lead to disaster. This is the time for dramatic insights that will lead to solutions later. Sit tight and think!

July 23 – Aug. 22

Your natural enthusiasm easily spills over and could make a huge mess. Everyone knows how fabulous you are; practice modesty. Focus gently on the other person and you will be all the more appreciated.

Aug. 23 – Sept. 22

You can worry yourself sick as fast as a Maserati goes from 0 to 60. Lots to do, yeah, but haste makes waste, tortoise and hare… You know what to do, and how to do it. But you can’t get it all done; nobody can. Just keep cool, be careful and double-check everything.

Sept. 23 – Oct. 22

You’re the absolute Princess of Social Graces, but remember what happened to Princess Grace! Unintentionally rude outbursts among friends are inevitable. Good humor, apologies and Beano should be always at the ready.

Oct. 23 – Nov. 21

Your clever mind will get you considerable notice – or notoriety. Go slow and easy (your forte!) and be flexible (well, work on it). Getting clever with the boss could cause you to spend a surprising amount of time at home.

Nov. 22 – Dec. 21

Your motor mouth should shut down for repairs before it does some serious damage. That need to engage dangerous notions goes both ways. Focus on engaging your busy brain quietly with new ideas.

Dec. 22 – Jan. 19

Don’t be cheap with the lube and latex! And be careful whom you invite home. Being overly critical can dampen your sex life, but that may save you from disaster. At least give your brain a head start over your pushy gonads.

Jan. 20 – Feb. 18

Arguments with your partner (or whoever’s handy) reflect secret insecurity and eventually feed back into it. The phrase “vicious cycle” always reminds me of Almira Gulch – and that would be you, hon. Give Toto and yourself a break!

Feb. 19 – March 20

You’re accident-prone now more than ever, so spend extra time at your prayer and meditations or sitting quietly and safely at the movies. You still need to exercise and burn off energy, but be very, very careful!