A local gay leader wanted to advertise for a partner in the personals section of the San Diego Union-Tribune and the San Diego Reader. But both papers refused ads of those seeking same-sex partners.

At the time, he compared his plight to Rosa Parks, the African American hero who made history by refusing to give up her seat on a bus to a white passenger.

I thought that not being able to place an ad for a partner was in no way comparable to racial segregation. And I thought that job and housing bias against gays was far more important than bias against gays by “matchmaking” services.

But now I think otherwise.

The Wall Street Journal reported last month that the so-called “matchmaking” industry has become a $1 billion a year industry.

Years ago some thought placing a personal ad or going through a dating service was desperate. Worse, meeting someone through an ad was chancing death. Gay men only used personal ads to meet sex partners.

Times have changed. Dating businesses flourish in the straight and GLBT communities. Gay relations are getting recognized as equal to marriage in some states, while others seek to treat same-sex partners largely the same as straight unions.

But we can’t help but notice that most all of the matchmaking businesses (dating services or sites) prohibit the GLBT community from using their services.

Some of the businesses claim no obvious discriminatory intent. “We’re just set up for that,” is the common response I get. Or, “We don’t have any gay clients,” or “Our straight men don’t want to meet gay men.”

I’m inclined to ask, “Do you prohibit African Americans from seeking partners of the same race or different race?”

None claim to engage in racial bias. Why not? Because race discrimination is illegal.

As I’ve written before, California law does prohibit businesses of every kind whatsoever from engaging in sexual orientation bias.

Some argue that straight people should not match gay people, and vice versa.

What’s the difference? Haven’t we been fixing up our straight friends for years? Don’t straight people dance in gay bars? Don’t gay people dance in straight bars?

Years ago Disneyland prohibited two gay men from dancing together because Disneyland claimed it was a family place, not a gay bar. After losing that battle, the magic kingdom allows gays and lesbians couples to dance. It hasn’t suffered.

Are gays and lesbians really harmed in their efforts to meet long-term partners because they can’t access most matching services?

Yes. For gay people, not being able to seek partners outside of the gay media is a handicap.

First, there is a huge segment of the gay and lesbian population that cannot use the Internet to seek same-sex partners. They can’t even possess a gay paper. They’re in the U.S. military, where they can lose their job if they are openly gay.

Secondly, there are others who are closeted, perhaps married or bisexual, who do not want to use media or services that are exclusively gay.

Aside from that, there’s the issue of convenience. Until the Gay & Lesbian Times becomes a daily newspaper, a lot people here read a daily paper, and they want to feel part of the general community.

Explaining this to other minorities, I use the example of African Americans locally being limited to Voice & Viewpoint to find partners of the same or different race.

Can you imagine a matching service saying, “We don’t specialize in Latinos. None of our current clients want to meet Asians. Sorry, no Jews; stick to your own kind.”

Certainly, services can have their specialties (e.g., Christian singles). But when a service is open to anyone, then it should not be able to discriminate solely upon the basis of sexual orientation.

By allowing any business to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation, in terms of matching, this continues to legitimize discrimination not just against gay and lesbian people, but also gay and lesbian relationships, as well as discrimination against the children of gay and lesbian couples.

By allow matching services to engage in bias, it perpetuates the myth that gays and lesbians are not monogamous, cannot maintain relationships, can’t raise kids, and are not at all equal to straight relationships. So give up your seat and move to the back of the bus.

Ten years ago, when I drafted the Human Dignity Ordinance (city law against GLBT bias), I didn’t think “matching services” were high on the list of the targets. It wasn’t time to litigate and press the issue. Now it is.

While some argue that finding a partner is just not the same as housing and job bias, some argue that finding love and companionship is even more critical to survival.