With November just around the corner, lesbians everywhere are looking forward to a highly anticipated holiday season, with one day especially standing out from the rest. No, I’m not talking about Thanksgiving Day or Winter Solstice. I’m talking about Nov. 9, or what I like to refer to as “L-Day,” the day the first season of Showtime’s “The L Word” is set to be released on DVD.

The way I see it, the queer community is divided into three camps when it comes to “The L Word”: There are those who think the show is just the hottest thing since Bound, and can’t stop talking about how much they’d like to run into Katherine Moennig (a.k.a “Shane”) in a dark alley; there are those who think the show is a joke, and nearly as hard to watch as straight-male porn; and then there are those who don’t have cable, period, and still think “The L-Word” refers to “love.” I happen to fall into the second category, and believe strongly that the $48.99 that Amazon would like me to spend on the first season of “The L Word” could certainly be better spent somewhere else.

So what’s my beef with “The L Word”? The answer to that question can be easily explained using a few of my favorite L-words: the dialogue is Laughable; the story lines are Lame; the lesbian sex scenes are Lacking; and the beauty of lesbian life is Lost beneath all the soap-opera antics and layers of makeup. But what bums me out even more than seeing Shane, Marina, Dana and – possibly the most annoying character on television ever – Jenny, gallivant across my TV screen is the fact that we live in a society in which these characters are actually viewed, by some, as acceptable and enjoyable representations of queer women. Are we that hungry for lesbian material that we’re willing to jump at the first thing dangled in front of us, merely because it’s based on a bunch of dykes living in L.A.?

Looking back at season 1, it’s hard not to cringe. All I have to do is think about the episode in which Bette and Tina, a loving committed couple, are having difficulty securing a sperm donor. After losing a few potential daddy candidates, the two find themselves being hit on by a slick guy at one of Bette’s art gallery premiers. Desperate to get Tina pregnant, the two women decide to bring the random guy back to their house for an impregnation threesome – no background check, no AIDS test, no nothing. Then, to make matters worse, it’s actually the random dude who backs out of the arrangement, once he realizes that Bette and Tina are only interested in his little swimmers. Disgusted and angry, he says something to them along the lines of, “Why is it that all you dykes want from men these days is sperm?” using “the D-word” that is rarely used elsewhere in the show.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There is a part of me that feels that, no matter what my personal beliefs about the show, it is still a step forward that a show about a group of lesbians exists at all, and seems to be flourishing. Lesbians have been invisible on television for years, or presented only as flannel-clad butches for the sake of a good laugh. But my main questions remains: Who are the lesbian writers of “The L Word” trying to target and please with a show that represents such a minute and superficial sampling of queer life? And, of course, I fear the answer is obvious – corporate executives, advertisers and straight TV watchers (both male and female), who like their lesbians glammed up and gorgeous but devoid of any real substance. Even the lesbians on Showtime’s in-your-face gay drama, “Queer as Folk”, are sexier and more realistic than the women on “The L Word”!

So with L-Day just around the corner, you will have your choice as to how you wish to observe the day. Buy the DVD, or don’t buy the DVD – the choice is yours. But I know that my $48.99 will be going somewhere else more valuable – perhaps into the bank to save up for sperm donation costs, so that my partner and I never have to pull a “Bette and Tina”.

Now, for those of you who won’t be spending all your time at home watching “The L Word” on DVD, I’ve assembled a few juicy tidbits about what’s going on in the women’s community in the next few weeks…

Things are heating up at 6 Degrees in October, especially on Friday nights, when everyone’s favorite ladies’ bar presents live music by some of your favorite artists on the back patio, from 8:00 to 10:00 p.m. On Oct. 15, Lauren DeRose will be strumming away on her guitar, followed by Abigail’s Attic on Oct. 22 and Beth Preston on Oct. 29.

And don’t forget to swing by 6 Degrees on Monday nights for their new open-mic, Underground, emceed by the fabulous, the incredible, the infamous Laura Jane! Laura Jane is one of the funniest women on the West Coast, and from what I hear, anything goes at her open mic, so go see for yourself! Sign-ups for Underground start at 6:30 p.m., and in addition to open mic, 6 Degrees also hosts Monday Night Football, complete with free munchies and great drink specials.

If you haven’t been to the new Flame, you may be interested to hear that they are introducing a new Latin Night, on Saturday, Oct. 23. Just think…hot ladies, hot Latin music… it doesn’t get much better than that, so mark your calendars now!

Bourbon Street’s new martini happy hour prices and Friday night ladies’ night is always a good option, as is Girlfriends Night Out at The Brass Rail every Wednesday.

If clubbing isn’t your thing, you might want to make a note of Siren Open Mic’s next show on Thursday, Oct. 21. Featuring that evening will be the one, the only L-Train, a talented local spoken-word artist who will also perform at Dyke March ’04 on Oct. 23. Siren is San Diego’s only open mic dedicated specifically to empowering and inspiring female artists of all kinds. All shows take place at David’s Coffeehouse (3766 Fifth Ave.) at 8:00 pm, with sign-ups for the open mic beginning at 7:30 p.m., All are welcome, and best of all, Siren is free!

That’s all I’ve got this month, ladies! Feel free to email me with any comments or questions at queerabby@hotmail.com, and I hope to see YOU at Dyke March ’04 on Oct. 23!