March 21 – April 20

Stop swallowing in your deepest fantasies and fears, darling. It’s time to let your dreams come out into the open. Your days of people-pleasing and ass-kissing are coming to an end. Instead, concentrate on you, you and you, honey. A Pisces understands you best, especially in bed. This is a period of strange surprises. In fact, one major mystery in your life could be solved within the next two weeks.

April 21 – May 20

You are about to embark on a romantic journey, dear one. It’s time to admit that sex comes first. Let the whore in you come out. Stop fussing over your home and obsessing about food. Put that energy into your sex life and all will be well. A Libra would love to take you higher, so why do you keep acting shyer?

gemini

May 21 – June 21

Neptune in your house of travel pushes you to consider a spontaneous summer journey to someplace desperately impractical and delicious. You need to live the life of the body once more, not just the life of the mind. An Aries can help you. Play it hot, not cool, about what you want in love.

June 22 – July 22

Bide your time before making any aggressive moves, baby. This is a groovy time to socialize, flirt it up with an Aquarius, and slack off at work. Downtime is something you rarely give yourself. Well, be a lazy bum in mid-July (it’s your birthday season, dammit!), and you’ll be back with 10 times your usual energy once August arrives.

July 23 – Aug.22

This is a fine time for you to use your artistic talents on the work front, my darling. You could become famous for your artistic talents — or become even more of a star-fucker than you already are! A Capricorn might want to lure you into a tabloid scandal. Your reputation will only benefit from spending time with people in low places (hey, it worked for Courtney).

Aug. 23 – Sept. 22

Lucky Jupiter is midway through your house of endings and new beginnings, dear one. During this period, you should milk old schemes for all they’re worth. Dust off an idea or project from the past and breathe new life into it. An Aries is looking for inspiration, so perhaps you two should get together. In fact, a hot night on the dance floor is an absolute must. Wear something as transparent as your intentions.

Sept. 23 – Oct. 22

The Sun’s transit through your career house is apt to give you the burst of industriousness that you need (you lazy whore) to make your colleagues believe in you again. And you need their loyalty during this key time in your career. You can trust a Taurus. A work-related disappointment during mid-July is one of those blessings in disguise.

Oct. 23 – Nov. 21

Many planets will be hanging out in your house of adventure this week, so travel with a fun pack of pals! The full moon on July 13 could get you thinking about going back to school or learning more lessons on the street. A Gemini can bring out the best in you.

Nov. 22 – Dec. 21

The moon in your sign on July 10 brings you extra intuition about a business matter. Follow your cautious inclinations (the few that you have!) and don’t try to force a temperamental associate’s hand. You can, however, guide a Gemini’s hand all over your body.

capricorn

Dec. 22 – Jan. 19

If someone wants to play a power game with you, don’t struggle with how to respond. Give ‘em their ball back and refuse to play. You’d do much better during this yummy, romantic season to use your own balls (metaphorically, dearie) to pull a sexy Scorpio onto your team.

Jan. 20 – Feb. 18

This is a fine time for you to do some writing, painting, or musical experimenting, sweetie. It would be a shame to let your artistic gifts go to waste. A Sagittarius is lured by your charisma as well as by your cute butt. The full moon will fall in your house of mysticism at week’s end, so throw a trippy party for you and your witchy friends.

Feb. 19 – March 20

This is a potentially amazing time for your love life, darling, as the Sun gives you the guts to go after the one you want (a dear Cancer, methinks). Jupiter in your money house of permanent investments helps you close the deal. Be bold and forget what your depressed friends tell you. This is your adventure.

— Jill Dearman is the author of the best-selling Queer Astrology for Men and Queer Astrology for Women.