At first glance, the book Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star may conjure images of military eroticism, a men-in-the-trenches-type porn fantasia saturated with sordid tales of sex, drugs and, dare I say, camaraderie. While there is plenty of sex to substantiate the title, Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star extends well beyond what initially piques most people’s curiosity, delving into the life of former Marine, porn star, addict and attorney Rich Merritt. Beginning in small town Greenville, S.C., that nearly ends with a suicide attempt three years ago, Secrets is one man’s explosive journey into an underworld of drugs, alcohol, promiscuity and prostitution. Penning his memoir as a means of self-healing, his book tackles many issues surrounding sexual identity, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” pornography, drug abuse and suicide.

I had the pleasure of speaking with Rich Merritt about his new book and his trip to San Diego this weekend, where he will be speaking at Obelisk Bookstore Sunday at 5:00 p.m. in Hillcrest followed by a book signing party at Bourbon Street.

Gay & Lesbian Times: Tell us about the journey Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star has taken you on, both internally and externally.

Rich Merritt: Internally, the book has kind of followed me, actually. I started writing it during a really low spot in my life. I discovered that the first thing I needed to do was accept myself as God made me, and be OK with that. It’s a tough lesson to learn, especially coming from a fundamentalist Christian background. Once I was able to do that, I was able to except other people and the world around me.

GLT: You spend time in your book discussing your fundamentalist Christian upbringing. How did those early years affect you throughout your life?

RM: I think the early years were mostly positive, but I learned extremism. Extremism was something built into me from the start. But, I also learned a foundation of solid values which have carried with me through life. I was surrounded by a lot of love in my childhood and I think that is what enabled me to survive. When I did lose that foundation that I had, I wandered for a few years, and went into some more extreme behavior such as drug addiction and pornography. Not that there is anything wrong with pornography or drug experimentation, but, for me, it was the wrong thing at the wrong time. But I survived, and I am here to talk about it.

GLT: Is it difficult to know friends, family and people close to you can read some of the most intimate details of your life?

RM: Yeah, some people ask, “How can you have total strangers reading it?” Total strangers are much easier to think about reading my book than friends and family, especially if they have an involvement in it. Some people who know me and care for me were deeply hurt, mainly in the sense that I was feeling the pain that I was feeling, but I kept it internal. A lot of people wonder why I didn’t trust them enough to share it with them, and I think I explore that in the book. And hey, I am sharing everything now [laughs].

RM: I feel like when you only have one bar left on your cell phone and then you put it back in the charger; San Diego is like my charger. Getting back to San Diego, where I know so many wonderful people, just totally re-energizes me.

GLT: You recently lost your job as an attorney with Powell and Goldstein due to the publication of Secrets. What can you say about that experience? Did you expect to lose your job? Do you think it was unfair?

RM: I didn’t expect to. I knew it was a risk and in the realm of possibility. I didn’t think it would happen, because my acquaintances at the firm are pretty much my team that I work with, and we had a great relationship; really wonderful people. The decision was made at a higher level than that, and I didn’t know the people who made that decision. I had gotten great reviews and a raise just prior, so I was kind of surprised.

I wouldn’t call it unfair. I could make an argument, as a well-trained attorney, on either side of this issue and hopefully win. I think there is a public policy argument in favor of keeping me employed, and that is: We want people in society to be healing from difficult things in their lives. If they are afraid they won’t be able to keep their job, then they might not share their story. Sharing our story is what keeps us alive.

GLT: One of your themes throughout the book is “secrets keep us sick.” Can you elaborate on this idea?

RM: That’s the real secret of the book. Some people look at the title and think, “Ooh what are the ‘secrets of a gay marine porn star?’” Well, for some a disappointment, but to me the irony is that our secrets keep us sick. I have to stress the difference between secrecy and privacy, because I do respect privacy. I think with secrecy there is an element of fear and shame. It’s something that you are fearful and ashamed that other people might find out [about]. It will sit inside you and fester and eventually it’s going to lead to dangerous activity and even destruction.

GLT: What is in your future now that you are no longer employed with Powell and Goldstein? What’s next for the ‘Gay Marine Porn Star’?

RM: My dream would be to work on a television or film production of this book. Younger people are typically more drawn to movies and television, and I think the message would resonate more with them if we did a TV or movie project.