I bet I’m your oldest letter writer yet (I’m 68). I like your column, but so much of it (and the GLT itself) seems to be about people in their 20s and 30s. So here is my question: How do you grow old, gay and not bitter, fucked up or envious of younger guys? I’m past the clubs and the drugs and the bars, so what’s left for me?

Dear CSC:

You’re not my oldest letter writer (surprise!) but I like your question. First of all, the GLT (and this column) addresses the lives of queer people of all ages… read the WHOLE issue. Sure there are ads for bars and clubs, but there are also articles on sports teams, theater, social groups, etc.

For many of us, from about our mid-50s onward, our life’s work is about maturity – growing beyond expectations (your own and others). Here are some of the goals, as well as some of the obstacles.

A gentle sense of humor is more important now than ever. Are you kind to yourself? Can you see the humor in life that you missed before? Can you (gently) laugh at your own humanness?

Acceptance of the past is about dealing with bitterness, cynicism and other difficult emotions. Have you or are you in the process of making peace with your past? If not, don’t be surprised if you’re miserable.

Break the rules, and have the courage to be eccentric. This isn’t often talked about. Are you a walking clone? Do you live and die by the changing standards of gay culture? As older gay men, we need to find out what we like and don’t like, and stick to it. Measuring yourself by other people’s standards (the media, our friends, our exes) will just drive you crazy. Dare to be happily eccentric.

Are you comfortable with uncertainty? The older we get, the more we see how God laughs at OUR plans, substituting Her own instead. Uncertainty is a reality, and the sooner we make peace with it, the happier we’ll be.

Find peace in a consumer-driven world. Nowadays, when you can buy a new face, new body, new home, new car, new boyfriend, and still feel like shit, where do you find peace? We each have to find what grounds us, centers us: It can be Pagan or Christian, gardening or free weights, Coldplay or cold showers. It doesn’t matter what it is; by this time in our lives we hopefully have a good idea of what works for us and what doesn’t.

Give back: Whether you made a fortune in real estate or are a retired janitor, it’s time to give back to your community and help younger people. Use your wisdom and experience to encourage young queer people. And don’t become a lech: Help them, don’t sleep with them.

Self-discovery: Without work to define yourself, who are you? Some people die shortly after retirement. They would literally rather die than change… and they do. For other people, their later years are their best ones. You can find out who you are without that 9-to-5 routine to define and limit you. Experiment with your life: travel, try new foods, take up new interests, go to new places and meet new people. You want to stay young? Keep doing new things and your brain pathways will thank you for the stimulation!

Sex, eroticism and sensuality: Don’t just run out and pop a Viagra the next time you can’t get it up. There’s more in life than instant erections (isn’t there?). Maybe it’s time to explore other ways to turn yourself (and others) on. Perhaps this is the time to lose your old inhibitions and try things you’ve only dreamed of, up until now.

Stay young mentally and be open-minded to the new. Do you condemn younger people? Their music? Their clothes? Their attitudes? Well, dear reader, don’t be surprised if you age quickly and unpleasantly (not to mention alone). What you put out comes back to you. So, rather than condemnation and judgment, try curiosity and interest, and see where that takes you.

• An obsession with youth

• Bitterness

• Fear

• Ignorance

• Isolation

• Passivity and Aggression

• Poor health

• Poverty

OK, dear reader, I’ll jump off my soapbox now. These are some ideas to consider as you experiment with aging gayfully. Enjoy more, judge less. Try THAT on for your motto and let me know how it goes.