“We are not the first [country to legalize same-sex marriage] but I am sure we will not be the last. After us will come many other countries, driven, ladies and gentlemen, by two unstoppable forces: freedom and equality. [This is] a small change in wording that means an immense change in the lives of thousands of citizens. We are not legislating, ladies and gentlemen, for people who are far away and unknown to us. We are expanding opportunities for the happiness of our neighbors, our work colleagues, our friends, our relatives. … It is true that [gays] are only a minority, but their triumph is a triumph for everybody … Their victory makes us all better, makes our society better.”

“Oh, but it will be fun to watch Spain and Canada burn in hell. I mean, we’re right next door to Canada. We have the best possible view. It will be fun to watch their societies crumble, their moral fiber rend and shred, their sense of justice and humanity wither and die in the white-hot sun of sin and impudence and blasphemy, Canada’s no-longer-manly hockey teams spontaneously combust into a billion meaty bloody God-splattered bits, Spanish children drop their jamon sandwiches in terror and scream and shriek and turn into instant puddles of fiery confused goo. Why all the vicious carnage? Why the reign of terror? Simple, silly: Canada and Spain have done the unthinkable, the unconscionable. They have legalized gay marriage, everywhere, in their respective countries. Oh my God, they are so going to burn.”

“Seriously, how much do you have to hate gay people to not want them to play softball.”

“It’s easier [now] for gay men to come out of the closet as slobs, just as it’s easier for straight men to be dandies. One of the things that’s breaking down how gay guys are seen is that people know more kinds of men who are gay, nonstereotypical ones like soldiers and athletes rather than stylists and fashion designers and decorators.”