Though it may be a bit ironic that a lesbian is writing a “how to” on applying a condom – I want you to keep in mind that if a lesbian can do it – so can you!

Step 1: Practice on a banana. Now, let’s keep this G rated. Practice putting a condom on a banana. This step is necessary for the fledgling to gain self confidence and assurance. I even recommend doing it in the dark to gain that extra edge before the big night. Let’s hope your first target is at least as big!

Step 2: Take one condom from the box and remove the wrapper. As you know, there’s quite a selection out there – from ribbed, to lubed, to glow in the dark to fruit juicy – so grab one of each while at the store. If you’re big enough to have sex, you’re big enough to purchase condoms! For now, take the wrapper off and dispose of it. If you can take it out with your teeth, do not pass Go and head directly to jail, you bad boy!

Step 3: Clasp the neatly rolled condom between your thumb and pointer finger, sort of like holding a quarter to inspect the President’s face. When you’re ready for the real deal, please try to avoid thoughts of Bush. President Bush, I mean!

Step 4: Hold the banana, or your own penis – or your lover’s penis, if you’re ready – with your free hand. Place the rolled condom at the tip of the banana/penis so the middle of the ring is covering it.

Step 5: With your fingers still touching the outside of the condom, move your fingers down the side of the banana/penis so that the condom unrolls itself onto the penis, covering it from the tip to the end of the shaft.

Step 6: I certainly hope I don’t need to tell you what to do next. Have fun and be safe!

Women, don’t think that HIV bypasses you because you are lesbian. The virus can still be spread though vaginal fluid and cuts in the skin. Using a dental dam is indeed a wise choice.

For those who enjoy oral sex, whether giving or receiving, dental dams are A+ for safety and taste. Yes, it’s true – multicolored, multi-flavored, the dental dam can help prevent the spread of HIV.

Not as complicated as the condom, merely unwrap the dam, spread it out on top of the vulva and your tongue and fingers can do their magic while the dam helps to cover and protect both you and your sexual partner from the exchange of bodily fluids.