Dear Michael:

I think I drink too much. I don’t think I’m an alcoholic, but I am a big social drinker. My friends and I mostly hang out in bars and clubs, so you gotta drink, right? … I don’t drink alone (much), so I don’t think I have a drinking problem. I have noticed that I am slowly drinking more and more all the time. I am a big guy (6’ 5”, 215 lbs.) so I can hold it, but do I want to? We’re talking seven to eight beers a night, whenever I go out with my buddies. I’m only 24, isn’t it normal?

Social Drinker

Dear Social Drinker:

While I am not a licensed substance abuse counselor, I have worked with many clients who, like you, question whether they drink too much. There is a fine line between enjoying alcohol and having some sort of dependence on it. Most of us, including me, enjoy a drink occasionally. Why? Because it relaxes us, takes the edge off a rough day, helps us be less socially anxious or shy. Many people can enjoy the occasional pleasurable effects of alcohol without becoming hooked or suffering significant negative consequences. Some people can’t. While these people are often called alcoholics, the more psychological term would be alcohol dependent or alcohol abusing.

People who are dependent upon or abuse alcohol cannot have a casual relationship with booze; they need alcohol to function. Is this you? Can you function just fine without alcohol? Do you need a drink (or two or three) to make it through the day; to get through a social situation; to cope with a difficult relationship? If so, you may have a form of alcohol dependence.

Does alcohol control you, or vice-versa? Alcohol dependence can be identified by an increasing need for larger amounts over time (you mentioned this in your e-mail). If it’s hard for you to quit or cut back on your booze intake, you may have a degree of alcohol dependence. But don’t freak out yet; keep reading.

From your e-mail, it doesn’t sound like alcohol is interfering with your daily activities. For example, making it hard to get to work and do your job, getting along with friends or neglecting or avoiding important people in your life. You may not be abusing or dependent on alcohol, but booze could still be a problem for you, even if it’s not severe enough for you to be considered an alcoholic.

It sounds like you are not addicted to booze, nor do you spend a lot of time in an alcoholic “lifestyle”: thinking about alcohol, planning how to get it (often sneaking it into your life so others don’t know about it), using it, looking forward to future drinking and then feeling bad about the whole thing. However, if you were my client, I’d have some questions for you: Do you ever binge drink? Do you ever drink until you pass out? Do you ever drink to avoid feeling sad, angry, lonely, etc.? Have you ever driven your car while intoxicated? Do you drink alone on a regular basis? You say in your letter, “I don’t drink alone (much),” what does this mean? How much would your life change if alcohol suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth? What are your motivations for drinking?

You may have some degree of alcohol dependence if you try to impose limits on yourself but can’t stick to them. For example, you may go out clubbing with your friends and resolve to drink only two drinks – three drinks max – and three hours later you’ve had eight drinks and wonder how you got there, cursing your lack of self-control. If you stopped drinking completely, you may even experience withdrawal symptoms. Your tolerance for alcohol may have increased so much that what three drinks used to do for you now requires eight drinks.

You say that you aren’t happy with how much you drink, even though you say, “I’m only 24, isn’t it normal?” Let’s dump the word normal and substitute healthy or smart. How would you answer your own question now? While younger people may drink more, that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. What matters isn’t what other people are doing; what matters is that you don’t feel good about what you are doing. I commend you for your self-awareness regarding your alcohol intake and your willingness to do something about it.

I suggest that you take a good honest look at your drinking. Ask yourself some tough questions and get more information about alcoholism, alcohol dependence and abuse. You can get tons of expert information online or from a 12-step group (they’re held every day, at all hours, all over San Diego) to help you decide what you want to do about modifying your alcohol consumption. With awareness and honesty, you’re off to a good start.