TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) – In mid-December, Jeanine, Nichole and Isaac Soterwood left a home they loved, solid careers and a wide circle of friends.

The state of Arizona does not allow them to be a legal family, so the Soterwoods moved from Tucson to California, where Nichole and Jeanine will file papers to become the legal parents of Isaac, who is 22 months old.

“This is tough for us. We love Tucson. And I had a great workplace and a promising, good career,” said Nichole, 35, who was a systems engineer at Raytheon Missile Systems. “I was disappointed to leave and my co-workers at Raytheon were disappointed. But they understood that family comes first.”

The Soterwoods met as graduate students in applied mathematics at the University of Arizona in 1998. They had a commitment ceremony with 65 friends and family in 2001. In 2003, they again exchanged vows, when they obtained a civil union in Vermont.

They always knew they wanted a family and they wanted to live in Tucson, which they describe as a diverse and accepting community.

Like most other states, Arizona law does not allow unmarried couples to do what’s known as second-parent adoption – when the non-biological parent adopts a partner’s child.

Stepparents in heterosexual unions can adopt the children of their spouses in Arizona. Same-sex couples can be foster parents. And gays and lesbians, as long as they are single, can adopt. But couples like the Soterwoods, who can’t legally marry here, can’t both be parents of a child.

Gay rights advocates say it’s a growing issue because more same-sex couples are raising children. But challenging Arizona’s law could backfire – lawmakers could react by passing laws prohibiting same-sex couples from adopting, as they did in Mississippi in 2000.

“Unfortunately, the political climate in Arizona is one that would not be welcoming of that change,” said Amy Kobeta, director of public affairs for the Arizona Human Rights Fund. “We have a conservative Legislature, and the topic of gays and lesbians being parents is a very hot-button issue with the conservative movement.”

Research by the city of Tucson’s Urban Planning and Design Department, based on U.S. Census data, shows 1,253 same-sex male couples in Pima County, and 1,399 same-sex female couples, although many gay rights advocates believe those numbers are conservative because of underreporting.

At least one of three lesbian couples and one of five gay male couples are raising children nationwide, according to a 2004 research paper from the Washington, D.C.-based Urban Institute, based on an analysis of 2000 Census data. The research also says Pima County’s numbers are higher than the national average for same-sex couples living with minor children.

The American Academy of Pediatrics issued a policy paper in 2002 endorsing second-parent adoption laws for same-sex couples, saying that children who are born to or adopted by one member of a same-sex couple deserve the security of two legally recognized parents.

But at the moment, gay and lesbian rights advocates in Arizona are focused on preventing the passage of a proposed constitutional amendment that’s slated to appear on the November 2006 general election ballot, rather than lobbying for second-parent adoption rights. The constitutional amendment, backed by a coalition that believes children should be raised in families with married, heterosexual parents, would prohibit same-sex couples from marrying and also would bar local governments from offering insurance benefits to domestic partners.

“I think the majority of Arizonans would agree that children being raised in a family of one man and one woman – a husband and a wife – is the environment we want to have in Arizona,” said Nathan Sproul, a spokesperson for Protect Marriage Arizona, the group backing the proposed amendment.

Kobeta noted there are alternatives same-sex parents in Arizona can use now to give the second parent power of attorney for emergency medical decisions and school record access. But she said the options are complicated and expensive, and schools and hospitals don’t necessarily respect them.

Local attorney Amelia Craig Cramer knows the imperfection of those options too well. She is the former executive director of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation and former managing attorney for the Western office of Lambda Legal, a national group that works for the full recognition of the civil rights of lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and transgender people. She also is raising a 6-year-old child with her female partner.

“I’m the legal parent and it’s in my will that my partner has guardianship, but that is not a guarantee,” Craig Cramer said. “It terrifies me to think about what would happen if I were to die or become incapacitated.”

Nichole gave birth to Isaac in February 2004 and is his sole legal guardian. Every six months since his birth, she’s had to fill out papers to give power of attorney to Jeanine, so Jeanine can legally make health and school decisions about Isaac.

“If, God forbid, we were to split up, I’d have no rights as a parent,” said Jeanine, 31, who recently finished her doctorate at the UA, where she was an adjunct engineering instructor.

Jeanine and Nichole ultimately decided to move to Santa Clara, Calif., where Nichole already has a job and they will be near Jeanine’s parents. One of the first things they’ll do is sign on to California’s domestic partner registry and find a lawyer to guide them through a second-parent adoption.

“I’ve heard of folks who have left Tucson and adopted children in another state. But they have to establish residency in that other state before they come back. It’s a real hardship and it underscores the fact that we have a somewhat broken system in the United States,” said Kent Burbank, executive director of Wingspan, Tucson’s lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community center.

“If there are more people like Nichole and Jeanine leaving, it is a big loss, not just for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community, but for the community as a whole.”