Recognizing that the GLBT community is constantly being assailed with messages that it is not equal, The Center hosted a special forum, entitled “Learning to Value Yourself in a Devaluing World.” The forum discussed how to create spaces to experience and celebrate our worth.

Sheryl Dagang, Ph.D., a clinical psychotherapist with The Center, hosted last Thursday’s workshop. She said the topic is very timely since it is constantly being discussed with her individual clients.

“There are times when, as a psychotherapist, I start to hear themes from different clients,” Dagang said. “I have been hearing a lot of people asking, ‘Are we a community that is destined to self destruct?’ Where does that come from? Is there a broader issue? Is it a cultural issue within the LGBT community? The subject [of the workshop] came from that – hearing from clients that it’s an issue for a lot of people.”

Dagang started the workshop by defining self-esteem terms like value, integrity, dignity and community. She explained that each definition could be different depending on what people and society find worthy.

“We are bombarded with societal messages that we are different and that we are not OK,” she said. She said those messages come from television, movies, radio and other media, as well as spiritual communities, friends and family. It’s important, she pointed out, to understand that these messages do not come naturally, but are taught.

“We’re not born feeling less important. We’re taught that. We’ve learned that somewhere, and from what we’ve been discussing, we learn it everywhere,” she added.

Dagang not only discussed the value of individuals within the GLBT community, but also addressed the value of the community as a whole. She reviewed how the devaluing messages are impacting both individuals and the GLBT community. For individuals, low self-esteem issues lead to depression, loneliness, relationship troubles and a difficulty connecting with others, she said.

A major area of concern in the community is substance abuse. “As the LGBT community, we often lead the way in addiction – nicotine, alcohol and our newest favorite, crystal meth,” Dagang said.

The workshop emphasized how to change the impact of constant devaluing messages.

“Messages that say we have less value are messages that are learned. That means we can also unlearn [those messages],” she said. “Not only can I unlearn it, but also we as a community can unlearn it – that we can create cultures and we can create environments collectively. Us as individuals can do our own stuff, but then collectively and as a community we are – and have been – taking great strides in focusing on health and wellness and happiness and our value.”

Using this as a cornerstone of the workshop, she outlined how we can change that message. She reviewed a two-step process of how to alter the perception of our lives and our community. First, identify what you value. Second, create a healthy environment centered on those values.

“You start with the inside. You start with yourself,” Dagang said. “Think about what you value. It’s actually helpful to sit down and make a list of what is most important to you. Go back through that list and circle the ones that are relatively tangible, things that are easier to define.”

Dagang said this process helps people learn the value in them. That information is carried into the next step, and that step is to participate in the things that you value.

“One of the things that psychotherapists will do is to help you alter your behavior, which then will alter your emotional state,” she said. “As we’re learning to value ourselves, we can begin to change our behaviors. Ways and directions of which to change our behaviors that will increase our self-esteem are to participate in things that we hold in highest esteem.”

Dagang used several examples. If you like the outdoors then go for more walks. If you like politics then join a political organization. If you like sports then go to more sporting events.

“Find other people that are doing the stuff that you value,” she said, adding, “If you can’t find a group then start something. This community really is a ‘if you build it, they will come’ community.”

Dagang said that a lot of people try to fit into the community with no direction, and are often ineffective. Instead, she says using a list of things you value to guide your choices is much more successful.

“When my third client this week asked me if we were a community that is destined to self-destruct,” Dagang said, “it was very nice to have my answer be: ‘We don’t have to be. We can stop now.’”

For more information about the workshop and upcoming workshops on the same topic, contact Sheryl Dagang at (619) 260-6380 ext. 110 or e-mail sdagang@thecentersd.org.