When a transsexual finally decides to become the person locked deep inside, they are like a stranger in a hostile environment. Unfortunately, the environment becomes unlivable and changes are forced upon the people that make up their world.

Gender transition affects one’s family, their friends and their workplace. When the decision to change is finally made, it has a profound affect on the transsexual. A deeply borne secret is revealed to the world, and because a weight has been lifted from the shoulders of the transsexual, a long-awaited sense of release is realized. Comments such as “Gee, I don’t care what happens from this point on,” or “This is the way it is, so accept it or go away” are not uncommon.

Sometimes this decision is planned long in advance of the actual coming out. Transitioning begins with a basic plan set in motion, and many transsexuals take the time to establish simple things like finding a place to live, getting a new bank account and a new legal name.

For other transsexuals, unfortunately, there is no plan. They venture into their new life with little forethought and end up surrounded by a multitude of insurmountable circumstances. The family is usually the first to weather the storm.

Take a minute and think about how it would feel if one of your male family members pulled you aside and said, “Please listen for a minute, because I have something to tell you.” They pause for a minute. “I want to live my life as woman.” If this was your dad or your son, how would this statement make you feel? If it was your sister or mother revealing her plans to live as a man, would you feel hurt?

Now comes the big day at the office. A worker approaches you. “Stan, I have something to tell you.” Imagine what you might be thinking. “I need to live my life as a woman.” Suddenly you are being asked to accept something that doesn’t make any sense to you. This person has been a faithful employee for a number of years.

Both scenarios can create explosive reactions.

Before we discuss the workplace, let’s talk about another segment of the family. Imagine a son or a daughter sitting on the couch listening to their father or mother trying to explain their need to live as the other gender. One of the children’s first reactions might be, “What did I do wrong? Why is my parent saying this to me?” The spouse’s reaction might be a little different. “What? Are you telling me that you’re gay?” Suddenly, the transsexual’s choice forces their family member to accept them in a newly-revealed gender identity.

Then, take it from the sibling’s point of view. Imagine your brother or sister coming to you with information about their gender change. How would you react? Some of you who are gay might relate it to the day you came out to a loved one.

In the workplace, transition is magnified by rules and regulations about bathroom use and similar stereotypes. Suddenly, as the owner of a business or as a manager, your bottom line becomes threatened. “How am I supposed to tell my customers about this?”

The employee is presenting a new concept about something that is so foreign that you say, literally, “What the hell is going on here?”

The transsexual can expect two reactions: “Hell no, you’re out of here” or “Let’s see what HR has to say about this.” Either way, the transsexual’s future is in jeopardy.

What about the younger transsexual who is already living and working in their gender of choice? They’ve filled out an application, been hired and have worked for a while in their new name and gender. They come up for a promotion. HR does a Social Security number check and a marker reveals that the employee has lived in the opposite gender. Their job, no matter how well the job was performed, becomes suspect, and then the employee is called in for an explanation. What is the employee to say? More times than not, the employer sees it as lying and terminates the worker for fraud.

Thanks to the Internet and support groups such as Transfamily, Neutral Corner and TCC San Diego, there is an established base for people to seek help and support. North Park Family Health Center pioneered a program to get a transgender needs assessment. This report revealed, sadly, the demographics about the living conditions of transsexuals in San Diego. It was not good.

Recently, Project STAR was created under the watchful eyes of Traci O’Brien. The organization will help fund the Transgender Community Coalition to provide a myriad of services for San Diego’s transgender folks. One of TCC’s major goals is to offer better tools to help closeted transsexuals cope with the rigors of telling their families and their workplace “I am a woman” or “I am a man.”