I had never been on a gay cruise before, and quite frankly the idea of spending an entire week on a boat with 2,000 or so gay men (and a few lesbians) horrified me. I mean, it’s not like Pride, or the White Party for that matter, where one can get his or her fill and then LEAVE. Oh, no. Not on a cruise. You’re stuck.

I’m not a big fan of the circuit-party scene, either. Sure, once in awhile you’ll find me center stage, dancing shirtless to the cry of some overplayed diva remix. But nights like that are few and far between. These days, I’m in bed by midnight, or not long after. A cruise sounds like one huge, never-ending circuit party, doesn’t it?

Well, this spring I took the plunge. Yep, that’s right. I freely admit it. I went on a gay cruise.

A virgin (wow, it’s been awhile since I could say that), I decide, for moral support, to hook up with some San Diegans going on the same cruise. (Don’t worry, boys. I won’t mention any names.)

These bitches mean business. Oh, yes. We have costumes to design, cut, sew and ship to Ft. Lauderdale, all by a strict deadline. You see, each dance party has a theme, and it’s customary to dress according to theme. This particular cruise features a loin cloth party, a sun hat party, leather… (I can’t remember the rest if that’s any indication).

Anyhow, San Diego has a reputation to protect. You’d be proud to know that San Diego is known on these cruises for having some of the most inventive and extravagant costumes in the U.S. several years running. And this cruise will be no different.

My first introduction to the group is at a sewing party (Yes, I said sewing party. You got a problem with that?) in Mission Hills. Like a gay sweat shop, three sewing machines crowd the living room, with fabric, rope and camouflage dancing back and forth from room to room. Men are trying on loin cloths, cutting fabric, hemming, sewing – they even plan to fill giant water guns with vodka to match our military costumes.

I quickly jump in. As the newbie, I have much to learn from these veterans, many of whom have been on 10 or more cruises.

“Is this your first cruise?” someone asks me.

“Yeah,” I respond.

“Really!” the group says, almost in unison. They shoot each other a few knowing glances. Some snicker, as if saying, “Oh, you just wait.”

“You’re going to love it,” someone else says, manning what appears to be the cutting station in our costume-making assembly line.

I pose a few questions to the group.

“Is it really like a floating bathhouse?” I ask, not beating around the bush.

Someone mentions the record holder for having the most sex out of the group. I think they say he topped off at around 55 on a seven-day cruise.

I’m no prude, so I just laugh it off, but I can’t help but do the math in my head. That’s more than seven guys a day!

“It’s what you make of it,” says someone from the living room who appears to be the organizer of the group. “There is so much to do on a cruise besides parties and sex; it’s really up to you.”

“What about the guys? Are there a lot of hot guys on the cruise?”

This loaded question got me myriad responses, including facts on the RSVP cruise line vs. Atlantis cruises, age-to-hotness ratios and mathematical equations for hooking up. I can tell I have a lot to learn.

After a few hours, we divide up the remaining work and say our goodbyes. It will be one week before we are all reunited aboard Holland America’s Westerdam, which will be departing out of Ft. Lauderdale to Costa Rica and Panama.

According to a gay marketing group, the gay and lesbian travel industry is a $65-billion-a-year niche market in the U.S. And cruising is experiencing a boom.

“The first RSVP charter took place in 1986; there was only one charter. It was a pretty historic event,” says Paul Figlmiller, president of RSVP Vacations. “In 2007, we’ll average about two vacations every month, including land-based tours, small ship cruises, riverboats, resort vacations and, of course, our big ship cruises, including our biggest cruise ever with 3,100 guests on the Caribbean Princess in February, the QM2 [Queen Mary 2] trans-Atlantic in May, a Mediterranean [cruise] in August and an Alaska cruise in September.”

Consider these statistics. Based on more than 24,000 gay and lesbian survey respondents, Community Marketing, Inc., a firm that does gay and lesbian market research and strategic planning worldwide, found:

Figlmiller says cruises are becoming an increasingly popular gay and lesbian travel option because it’s the freedom to be oneself and the camaraderie with other guests that matters the most.

When booking a gay and lesbian cruise vacation, there are several options. In addition to destination, time of year and cost, one must also consider the cruise line. Lesbians may choose between the more male-dominated cruises, RSVP and Atlantis, or the lesbian-specific offerings on Olivia cruises.

GLBT families also find quarters with the new R Family Vacations, Rosie O’Donnell’s answer to the question, “Where can I take the entire family for a vacation?” But we’ll come back to those in just a few.

Men have a couple of options: RSVP and Atlantis. (There may be a few smaller companies, but these two are the titans.) Both have charters to all parts of the globe and are comparable in price, but many gay men prefer one over the other.

Sitting at an RSVP poolside bar cruising toward Costa Rica, the first of our three destinations, I began to probe fellow shipmates about RSVP vs. Atlantis.

Tom, visiting from Dallas and a regular on both RSVP and Atlantis, slurs his slightly unintelligible response: “Atlantis is all the L.A. circuit boys. I find RSVP to be less pretentious.”

Tom has been propped on the barstool to my left for all four of my late-afternoon bloody Marys. Wearing a tight 2Xist tank over his beefy, worked-out physique, I can’t help but think of the famed expression, “Everything’s bigger in Texas.”

“Atlantis has a younger crowd,” he continues, “but I like both. I wanted to visit Costa Rica, so that’s why we decided to go with RSVP this year.”

Tom and his partner, Michael, who is at the opposite end of the bar drinking with three other men from Dallas, take at least one cruise together each year, this being their 11th.

A few hours later, I strike up a conversation with Bill, a man in his late 40s from the East Coast (I think he said Boston, but I’m in the bag at this point). Side by side on sun chairs, Bill tells me everything I could ever want to know about the cruise experience. Slathering on what must have been his third application of suntan oil, he resembles the dried up, over-tanned lady in the movie There’s Something About Mary.

“The passengers on RSVP cruises have a lot of attitude,” he says. “I prefer Atlantis, but I wanted to try something different this year.”

Contradicting what Tom said earlier at the bar, I conclude it all boils down to individual preference.

Being that this is an RSVP cruise, I figure most guests will naturally prefer RSVP, but after speaking with people during the course of my vacation, it turns out to be a mixed bag. The destination seems to be what’s important. If you want to visit Costa Rica and Panama, then this is the cruise for you.

RSVP and Atlantis are not just for gay men, but these gay-oriented fun ships may not be for every lesbian. That’s why there’s Olivia.

With charters to Europe, Alaska, Antarctica, the Greek Isles and the Netherlands, just to name a few, Olivia gives you just as many destination options as the other cruise lines, but caters specifically to lesbians.

Consider Olivia’s Sapphic entertainment lineup, which includes performers like Melissa Etheridge, the Indigo Girls, Wynonna, Mary Chapin Carpenter, k.d. lang and Shawn Colvin. It’s no mystery that many lesbians would prefer this to say, Crystal Waters or Anastacia.

In case you didn’t catch HBO’s documentary All Aboard! Rosie’s Family Cruise back in April, which follows 2004’s inaugural R Family Cruise, you can live it for yourself on one of Rosie’s upcoming cruises to the Galapagos Islands or the Caribbean.

Self-described as family-friendly vacations designed especially for the gay and lesbian community, GLBT families can now enjoy the vacation they’ve always dreamed of with the comfort of knowing they will be around other likeminded families.

Between RSVP, Atlantis, Olivia and R Family Vacations, gay and lesbian travelers have more choices than ever before.

You remember Julie from the “The Love Boat,” right? The attractive, blonde cruise director who young boys pined over and little girls wanted to be like? Well, on a gay cruise, Julie is actually a hot, blond 30-something named Drew.

Drew leads a daunting schedule of events that include big-name performers, comedians, cabaret, Bingo, yoga, pool games and shuffle board, among many others.

The best part of any cruise experience is, of course, the food. In addition to the main dining room, which serves four-course meals nightly, there’s a 24-hour buffet-style dining room and 24-hour room service. If you want shrimp cocktail, a hamburger, french fries and a piece of chocolate cake at 3:30 a.m., just pick of the phone – it’s free of charge. In fact, everything except the ship’s four-star restaurant (and alcohol, of course) is included in the ticket price.

In addition to the array of activities mentioned above, there are the parties. And they are legendary. Just imagine a sea of men dancing under the stars, overlooking the expansive Atlantic Ocean (or Pacific, depending on your destination), with world-class DJs and performers. And with a different theme each night, the revelry trumps Halloween and even Pride.

Oh, and how could I forget that the ship is traveling to some far-off, exotic local with dozens of excursion packages to choose from? Yeah, I’ll admit it. I like the days at sea the best. But just like my new friends told me, a gay cruise truly is what you make of it. (Our costumes were indeed the most fabulous, in case you were wondering.)

I can’t believe I almost forgot to tell you about deck 10!

Deck 10, coined The Desperation Deck, is the very top deck and the cruisey area for late-night rendezvous. I imagine most cruise ships, gay or straight, have something similar.

The few nights I cruise deck 10 (in the name of investigative journalism, of course) it is slow and uneventful. Oh well.

Naturally, there is the occasional invitation to go back to someone’s cabin and the morning gossip over some late-night sex party I never seem to get invited to, but the overall cruise experience is a far cry from the giant orgy most imagine it to be.

I ask Figlmiller about this common misconception.

“There are a lot of misconceptions about being on a gay cruise,” he says. “Some are that it would be like a bathhouse, or like being in a bar for a week, or that all the people will either be all young and beautiful, while other’s think it will be all old folks. But the truth is it is everyone, and on a cruise both young and old get along together in ways that is surprising to both.

“This bathhouse myth and other such misconceptions are legion,” he continues. “In a sense, it can be a sense of internalized homophobia. Why would one think that getting gay men together on a cruise would make it turn into that type of venue?”

Before the ship docks back at port, cruisers are already planning next year’s trip with fellow shipmates, now considered old friends. Tragic cruise romances come to an end, while other pairs look desperate to deboard. Some look happy, some look sad, and a few look like they’ve been hit by a truck.

Like all good things, this too must come to an end. Well, until next year, that is.