Dear Readers:

I’ve lived in San Diego for only eight years, but as a therapist in the community, I have heard a lot of reasons why people don’t like Pride or the parade, festival and other events. Here are four frequently-heard reasons why some folks didn’t want to be a part of Pride and my responses to each one. My intent is not to be a rah-rah-rah Pride spokesperson, but rather to invite you to look at last week’s festival (and its aftermath) a little bit differently.

Reader No.1 writes: “The Pride parade is just a bunch of corporate sponsors of bars, clubs, alcohol and lube, and all those cars full of elected officials trying to look good. I’m tired of tacky floats with half-naked go-go boys dancing to a bad sound system.”

In writing this column, I looked up many definitions of the word “pride.” I like this one: “a sense of one’s own proper dignity or value; self-respect.” Now, dear readers, no two people will agree on the most perfect form that such luscious self-respect should take – parade or no parade. We all have the right to hold our own values as we please and to express them as we like. It is obvious that not everyone is going to like how everyone else expresses themselves. This is as it should be; this is not a problem. This is called a democracy, not the kind that President Bush hides behind when he makes his edicts. No, this is a healthy democracy that benefits from passionate debate and thoughtful discussions. I may find a float beautiful, while you find it tacky. I find the go-go boys too erotic for a family parade, but your teenage son/daughter may find them a turn-on and want to talk with you about them.

“Pleasure or satisfaction taken in an achievement, possession or association” is yet another definition of pride. Can you see how the corporate sponsors want to take pleasure and satisfaction in their achievements and associations with our community? I am not a cheerleader for rampant consumerism, but I want to patronize banks, restaurants, stores, etc. that acknowledge me as a GLBT person – places that are proud to be serving people like me, proud to be donating money to services that I and my friends use.

Reader No. 2 writes: “Pride is only for people newly out. It’s boring for the rest of us. If you’ve seen a few Prides, you’ve seen ’em all.” For you, Reader No. 2, I offer this definition of Pride: “Pride: The most successful or thriving condition; prime: the pride of youth.” Doesn’t this beautifully describe our young people? Monitor your jealousy here, my mature friends. At age 53, I too have seen many a Pride parade. But can you see it through new eyes? Through the eyes of youth, the newly out, the straight siblings of the gay brother whose homophobia is slowly melting away? Our years of experience are wonderful, as long as they don’t turn to bitterness and envy.

Reader No. 3 says: “Pride is now mostly for the straight community to come and watch. At the parade, they outnumber us as observers!” Why do I have trouble seeing this as a problem? This is the adult version of gay-straight alliances in the schools that we’re fighting so hard to encourage. We need straight allies; in fact, we all need to be each other’s allies. Let’s have more of this please, not less.

And Reader No. 4 complains, “Pride is all about guys working out for weeks so they can walk around and parade their pretty pecs, cruise and get laid.” Well, friends, this may align with yet another definition of pride: “An excessively high opinion of oneself; conceit.” And yet, who among us has not wanted to show off our beautiful bodies and enjoy the admiration of others? There is a difference between pride and narcissism. The former is a complement to your life, a spice to heat it up; the latter is a weakness that only serves to mirror your low self-esteem. So can we whip off our shirts, pants, whatever and show our not-so-perfect bodies and love ourselves and our imperfect friends? Harder still, try this one next year: Can you love the beautiful ones; the truly gorgeous specimens? Can you smile at them and wish them well, or are you a bitter old queen who criticizes the 1/1,000th of a flaw under your microscope? We’re queer, honey, we know how to be beautiful and handsome and creative and stunning.

Whether you went to Pride or not, let this “morning after” column remind you that pride is good for your mental health every day of the year, not just on special occasions.